Category Archives: depression

exercising depression away

i’ve been quite busy the last few weeks. exercising. at any given point for the rest of the day, i look like i have just had major surgery and should not be out of bed yet. graceful? have you ever … Continue reading

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blank

i’ve been ‘dead’ again. sorrowful and stale. unable to progress. stalled. not caring. comfortably numb. i’ve retreated, even from myself. i don’t want to be involved with anyone. not a lover, not a spouse, not a friend, not myself. i … Continue reading

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we invent love

you never get the love you need. you get the love you are used to getting. if you haven’t been taught that reciprocated love, decent love, is normal, then you accept the version you adapted to, in order to mentally … Continue reading

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pieces of pieces

The problem with being an adult with residual emotional trauma, is when you are broken into pieces as a child, and you think you have found someone to help pull yourself back together once you’ve grown up, then discover that … Continue reading

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when mental illness kills

ok fine. I AM angry and trying not to be. Anger is futile and masks fear and frustration. I am not angry at the person. because when people make a choice, you have to accept it whether you agree with … Continue reading

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drinking death

have you ever been so ‘tired’ that the word doesn’t seem right when you use it as a vague description of your current state of being? it’s not even being exhausted. maybe bone weary is a better way to express … Continue reading

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neglect trumps abuse

When you are repeatedly hurt as a child It forces you to retreat inside of your head You fiercely protect the ember of your soul You bury it deeply inside of a shrivelled heart Refusing to weep and bring her … Continue reading

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depression, regret and almost living

regret is a wasted word. it serves no purpose. you can not change what was. you simply move forward. what’s to regret anyway? experience? life choices? personal accountability? i don’t regret, i can’t. yet i think about alternate outcomes. the … Continue reading

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ending a secret friendship

i wrote you a long email and deleted it because i realized that saying the things i wanted to say was not going to change anything that happened or might potentially happen. cards have been dealt and i am simply … Continue reading

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dense fog

I can feel the disassociation rolling over me like the cool fog coming ashore from the Atlantic. Things become quieter in my head. Emotions dampen and are pulled inwards, isolating me as I internalize everything. As my vision reduces, I … Continue reading

Posted in depression | Tagged , , , , , , | 7 Comments