undiagnosed exhaustion

i vacillate between believing I have un-diagnosed health issues which are impacting me in several ways or i am a hypochondriac with far too much access to web md. cognitively, i am aware of my body, what ‘normal’ feels like. yet for a woman ‘ normal’ changes so often, that it becomes a cruel joke believing normal is anything quantitative.  for 2 years i have been going to my doctor and have had tests to diagnose what i ‘don’t’ have. and it’s bullshit.

i’ve stated with unequivocal certainty, what my issue was and provided the medical records from 15 yrs ago and medications i took. the reason i went off them is because they were not compatible with the ones i needed for PTSD/anxiety/depression for the period of 3 years or so i required them after i was violently assaulted and underwent group/behavioural/cognitive/individual therapy to resolve and learn to manage it.

ever since i’ve been off medications, i have been on a horrible decline and inability to function on what i consider a normal adult level. realistically, i function far far far below what anyone would consider a normal level. i can’t stay awake during the day. well i can. but it means i am exhausted. i live in chronic and utter exhaustion. like nursing a baby while having a toddler, kind of exhaustion. it doesn’t matter how many hours of sleep i have, i need 2 naps of 3 hr duration during the day, just so i can be in bed and asleep by 10pm and up the next morning naturally by 6:30-7am.

if i can’t nap, i feel impaired by 4pm. enough so that i don’t drive because i feel my reaction time is delayed. i don’t randomly fall asleep. but i can lay down anywhere at anytime and fall asleep immediately and dream. like on the cement floor of a truck stop or concert, kind of tired. by not laying down and napping, i am giving myself headaches, i get eye strain, i feel like shit. and i’m sick of tests ruling out things to get on medication i was on for years, simply because it is a stimulant.

i am basically ‘thisclose’ to looking for street drugs because i simply can’t take it anymore. i am not someone who abuses medication. i tolerate it simply to get me over situations. including the heavy pharmaceuticals. it’s massively impacting my work. i can’t focus because i’m exhausted. it’s like only having 2 good hours a day and i can’t get it all done that quickly.

i understand due diligence, but for gods sake, i can’t take this anymore and when you consider how many people get drugs who don’t need them, my asking for them, when i hate being on anything, should count for ‘something.’ right now i feel like a crazy person who keeps going back week after week month after month saying DO SOMETHING. I’ve got no patience left. i’m beginning to tell people i have tourettes because i can’t stop myself from saying ‘fucking idiot’ when someone acts like one, and it’s not like i’m being very subtle about it.

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9 Responses to undiagnosed exhaustion

  1. willowdot21 says:

    Oh! I don’t know to suggest but two things maybe, how long have you been off meds, could it be withdrawal? Or under active thyroid, chemical depression. I do feel for you sending hugs. xxxx

  2. Marty says:

    It’s something. It may be chemical … ie hormonal, but keep at it until they find the cause.

  3. There are many things that come to mind, but I don’t know your medical history enough to opine. Take comfort in the facts that tests are being done and they’re negative for life-threatening considerations – in this regard, no news is often good news. In the meantime, keep up your general mental and physical health; keep using the outlets like your writing that do energize you. I wish I could offer you something definitive.

    • rougedmount says:

      I am definitively getting older, entering, in or ending peri-menopause (impossible to really tell considering how complicated womens bodies are). For a person who is petty much against medications unless they are required for a short term period, or as a necessity for a long term condition, I am truly considering (not even joking) taking something I buy from an internet add and local kid/dealer because I have reached my limit on feeling this way. I have to say, it’s rather daunting t feel like a hypochondriac because when you reach this level of tired, you expect something ‘obvious’ to be the cause. My vitamin D and Iron are non existent. I eat 1% red meat as a therapy to bring Iron up when required, but I can’t tolerate it otherwise. I have 10 different types of iron, which sit until they expire as they are SO hard on my system. Being this tired constantly is more than inconvenient now. I am fortunate enough to work at a job where I make my own hours and even then, ‘this’ is interfering with my life to the extent that the quality over the last year has become ridiculous. I am normally a very busy person..and I can’t do even a fraction of what I love doing as even the smallest thing results in 2 days of sleeping afterwards. I have no idea what this new shift is as I age into the next stage of my life, I simply know this is not ‘normal’ on any level. I want my life back. As messy and complicated as it can be, I need to be able to be busy doing the things that bring me peace and joy. And when my writing suffers then things are at a critical point for me as it’s my last bastion of sanity and creativity. It’s one of the reasons I now feel a sense of urgency to fix something, I’ve been patient long enough.

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