i’ve met someone. he arouses me. i’ve known him for a long time but have just recently met him. and for the past 2 months he has been engaging me, building something he wants and which he believes will be sustainable between us. his level of effort and what he wants, is pretty incredible. he wants what i do. he has exactly what i have. everything he says, would be the words i would say, if i spoke them first. he is moving slow because he knows that laying a solid foundation matters, to both of us.
i’ve been reticent about him. about the possibility or potential of growing anything real. holding back and not fully accepting. there are reasons. valid ones. all based on my being hurt in the past and therefore unfair to project upon him. he has been an open book. a completely divulging everything immediately and then stated why before i could panic and use it as an excuse to not proceed. he is exactly perfect in how he handles my nerves, my concerns and not because he has been directed to, but because it’s how he handles situations and people.
my level of interest is increasing the longer i know him and catching up to where he wants me to be. and he will not proceed with anything more intimate until i am where he is. he doesn’t want a fling, or something temporary. he’s building a relationship because he wants it to be one and where sex is part of it but not all of it. and the more time he spends with me, the more he involves me in the day to day functioning of his life, the more i trust that he will continue to do so.
and it’s been a very long time since i felt even the faintest glimmer of hope i would be able to do that again. thankfully, he was persistent and understood what i needed, even though i could not express to him, my reasons for it. i’ll explain it to him one day soon, because he’s earned my trust. and i have to say, that fills me with trepidation if i think about it. so, i am purposely not thinking about it. let’s go with denial. i’m good at that. he wants a best friend, a companion and a sexual partner. he wants an emotional relationship as well as a sexual one. but he does not want full intimacy until i am positive that i plan on staying with him for a long time, because that’s what he wants from me.
so an assertive man who is in full control of himself, who enjoys me completely and who has a high sex drive which seems to match my own in every aspect who is willing and instigated, a long courtship filled with a massive amount of communication and sharing time together interspersed with sexual awareness and tension which reaffirms that intimacy is more important than sexual contact. if i had any sense at all, i’d be afraid at how well matched we are and at how far he’ll go to make sure he meets all of my needs.
he is the best part of many men I’ve known, combined into one man. which makes me either very excited or very nervous. i’m not sure which. i am firmly entrenched in feeling neutral about it for today. and that is fine with him. because he is intent on changing everything to accommodate my needs, because he wants me for a long time to come, and he knows his efforts will accumulate and since he plans on staying, that is no issue for him at all. he is a very interesting man. one who clearly is more than my match.