i am positive that people who do not get sexually frustrated are biologically mis-wired, criss crossed, hormonally fucked instead of biologically. i don’t get it, understand it and to be honest, their lack of frustration, well, it frustrates me. it almost offends me. and it completely pisses me off when i am the non recipient to all of that non sexual chemistry, which is as flat as the pop you find beneath the sofa on a tuesday night after a friday night party.
my reality is that i am living with low grade pain which flares to rather intense at times. i try to not let it impact my schedule, though it does take a lot of physical effort to get through the day, leaving me exhausted and asleep the second i sit down. and to be honest, i spend a lot of time sleeping the last few months. and yet i am still sexually frustrated. still want to have sex. still want to be touched.
and my spouse takes my pain as a reason to avoid all sexual contact with me. so in pain and sexually deprived. and if i had sex it would relax me. no sex increases frustration. and yes, i could have sexual congress elsewhere. there are offers on the table. but the frustration is that i am attracted to the man i am married to and yet i am so angry with him and hurt by him at times, at least when i have not given up on everything.
unfortunately, wavering in your feelings and what you want is normal when you live in a celibate marriage. a forced and unwanted celibate marriage. which means it sucks. and not in a good way. because no one is sucking unless fucking starts happening. and why should i stay faithful to someone who is not providing the merest basic absolute minimum of sexual relief to the person they share a bed with while being naked.
sigh. i am so not fucked. which pushes me right into the arms of someone who wants to take care of that need for me. the reluctant affair is real. and it happens far more often than you think. people who want to be faithful and have spouses who could care less about intimacy and sexual gratification for their partners.