i think about the purpose i might have in your life and the reasons why you continue to remain in contact with me. is it because you enjoy the secret we once shared? the hope that it will resume at some time in the future? is it the single thing you can have which is truly yours alone in the busy schedule of your family life and career?
i think you feel secure with me. that i place no demands on your time. you hold no accountability to me and i don’t require any. and you aren’t used to people being in your life with no conditions attached to the connection. maybe you think about me in terms of ‘what if’ and that by our periodic contact, the possibility may not be lost over time.
i enjoy who you are. we are exceptionally compatible. it would be easy to see a future with you which is not just allocated to a sexual need. and it is because of that knowledge that i stay to the sideline, content to know that this is neither the time nor place for that type of relationship between us. maybe it will be one day, which is why you stay connected to me.
hope is a funny thing to have. isolation is the sad reason why so many married people need hope. failure to communicate is why couples seek out that hope in other people. developing that relationship instead of correcting your primary one, drives the wedge further between a couple who is intent on marriage, in spite of its failures.
yet because you can not live in isolated hopelessness, together and yet apart from your partner, you cling to the tenuous hope that one day, life could be different if you were married to someone who you were more compatible with and who you felt more than just a familial connection to.
or it could be just as simple as thinking about me when you are sexually frustrated and after months of having no intimate contact from a female partner, you simply need to touch a responsive woman who wants to be inside your embrace and feel your hands against her skin as you seek to please her in every way and just lives in the moment.