My husband is trying. And by trying I mean full court press of shit he should have done over the last 20 years, kind of trying. As in little surprises and doing some thoughtful things because he’s heard me say something and he’s remembered. As in buying me new rings for our anniversary. Making some future plans and spending some time with me. And as I write this down, I realize that it may not seem like much or it may seem like pathetically little to some as he should have been doing this all along, but the reality is for him, these are massive strides.
One of the biggest things is his commitment to sexually pleasing me. Our sex life is a massive source of frustration for me. We are completely incompatible and he has had zero interest in improving things. However, he has been giving himself to pleasuring me as a way to cope with that. How is that a bad thing? Well, what arouses me is an aroused male and one who is actively seeking to ejaculate as cum excites me. A flaccid dick un-excites me – it’s almost offensive when it’s a constant as opposed to an anomaly.
A man who purposefully does not want to be aroused or ejaculates can not give me the excitement I need to feel ‘taken’ as that situation is one where I am the dominant, which does not match well with my need to feel submissive to the male partner’s sexual demands, to be sexually fulfilled. When I am dominant, then I am not searching for that sexual fulfillment for myself, but getting it because of meeting the needs of my partner. Confused yet?
I’ve struggled for years with trying to understand or figure out what may or might now excite him, totally based on his physical reaction when I try something. I’ve drawn conclusions about it, yet nothing quantifiable presents itself as proof of my theories. Yet he is trying. He is actively letting me know about his erection and he is letting me use it until he loses it and he is working hard at his oral and digital skills as well as using toys to make sure I am pleasured.
And he may finally be hearing that when he does this to me, I prefer him to finish…as long as I don’t demand that he does all the time. He wants the denial and sexual frustration which accompanies it. He wants to see the guy hitting on me and see him aroused for me. Where that will lead? We’ll see. Something tells me, it could be a whole new positive life style for us, or it could be the beginning of the end. That’s the funny thing about this. You never know which way it will turn, until you’ve fully committed to it. No different than catching a massive wave.