the evolution of cheating

after years of teaching, directing, guiding, asking, begging, lecturing and finally letting go of the idea of a monogamous marriage, to accept the reality that my husband has issues i can not touch as he will not admit to them or the root causes, i find myself growing more and more attached to him because i am no longer resentful at being deprived of a normal sexual life.

the truth is that our sex life has improved immeasurably since i started having sexual relationships with other men. i think it is a combination of knowing other men find me sexually attractive plus the relief of no longer having the pressure to satisfy a sexually demanding woman, when he felt inadequate to do so. of course, this is speculation as he refuses to discuss it with me.

the absolute foundation of a good relationship and a sexual encounter is communication and he won’t utter a word unless he is aroused and sexually engaged. his reaction to what i am saying and the things he accidentally slips out with, are what’s guiding me as to the direction i take with him. he is satisfying me and is taking great joy and pride at it. i am open to his touch as i am no longer sexually frustrated at his lack of follow through with a sexual component to the interaction.

i will not give up having a lover. ever. my husband is happier when i am, and i am happier when i am sexually satisfied. i can accept him spooning me to cuddle to fall asleep, after spending 3 hours in bed with a lover who’s single mission was to make me unable to walk by giving me multiple orgasms as i begged for him to stop. his cuddle no longer leads to a fight as i haven’t had sex with him in months.

Now, we are having ‘regular’ sex. the last 2 months, on an almost weekly basis. it’s because of my making sure he understands that when he goes away for work, i won’t be lacking for male company and it excites him. or he is trying to make sure i remember his efforts now. i wish he would talk about it but am at a point in my life where i no longer care that he won’t. he clearly has some darker issues he refuses to acknowledge as he so aggressively becomes passive and withdrawn when i try to engage him in a sexual discussion.

oh well. it doesn’t matter. my sexually neglectful husband has shown me that i do not need to stay faithful to have a happy marriage, as long as everyone’s life stays the same, i can do what i want to have my needs met elsewhere and as long as i pretend that it’s ‘normal’, it is becoming just that. the problem with being neglected, is that i had to seek out the attention of someone i didn’t love, to stay married to the man i did. not sure that’s the lesson he intended to give, but that is what happened, because of it.

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8 Responses to the evolution of cheating

  1. kdaddy23 says:

    Weirdly, one of the first things I learned about negotiated infidelity (since we gave each other permission to indulge elsewhere) is that just because you can do it doesn’t mean you always have to. Another thing was that the sex we were having with each other got better, not that it was bad to begin with and, I also learned that sex when you’re happy is WAY better than sex when you’re unhappy, stressed, whatever.

    Not a lot of couples seem to understand this “simple” formula; they’d rather let their relationship suffer and eventually die than to do the one thing that just might keep things alive and well. I learned this, you’ve learned it, and more couples are learning that with the right frame of mind, a little infidelity can heal more than harm and more so when you’re married and have a sworn duty to do whatever has to be done to preserve and maintain your marriage.

    • rougedmount says:

      i never would have believed this, had i not lived it. sex is better when you love and/or trust someone. relationships are happier when you aren’t frustrated. i would have loved to be in a marriage where i never discovered another man could take the place of where i wanted my spouse to be. but i wasn’t, so i did. and now i am educated and my experience is valid.

      • kdaddy23 says:

        No one believes it, which is why so many fail when they try to do this. Even I once said that if someone had told me that screwing other people would make my marriage great, I wouldn’t have believed them and probably would have bitch slapped them for suggesting such an outrageous thing.

      • rougedmount says: i have to say that my complete and total lack of guilt is a result of knowing there was no other viable option. i was truly ready and prepared to lose the marriage because i could not live without sexual contact anymore. now i have both. just not with the same man.

      • kdaddy23 says:

        You never feel guilty when you know you’re doing the right thing, even if everyone says it isn’t. I think my guilt went by they wayside by my second extramarital date; we saw positive results from this almost right away.

        The most important thing is we learned a lot more about each other, learned to better appreciate each other and what we had, and what it would take to reach our goal of having the best marriage possible, that and everyone who said it couldn’t (and shouldn’t) be done was wrong.

  2. I see the makings of a cuckold and Hotwife relationship starting here. One of the couples we are close with are in a kind of similar relationship. He loves to watch especially if he can pretend that no one knows he’s there. He likes to hide in the closet or outside and peek in through the bedroom window. it’s funny how he would rather hide in the closet than stand beside the bed and watch.

    • rougedmount says:

      because hiding is being able to pretend that ‘he doesn’t know’ while being present implies he has given conscent and ‘knows’. Many men simply do NOT want to know..rather they want to catch her being hot instead of cheating.

      • I don’t think in his case that he’s trying to not admit that he doesn’t know but only that he gets a perverse thrill out of watching his wife. Plus before they got into the lifestyle, she would go with straight guys who might freak out if they knew her husband was watching.

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