after years of teaching, directing, guiding, asking, begging, lecturing and finally letting go of the idea of a monogamous marriage, to accept the reality that my husband has issues i can not touch as he will not admit to them or the root causes, i find myself growing more and more attached to him because i am no longer resentful at being deprived of a normal sexual life.
the truth is that our sex life has improved immeasurably since i started having sexual relationships with other men. i think it is a combination of knowing other men find me sexually attractive plus the relief of no longer having the pressure to satisfy a sexually demanding woman, when he felt inadequate to do so. of course, this is speculation as he refuses to discuss it with me.
the absolute foundation of a good relationship and a sexual encounter is communication and he won’t utter a word unless he is aroused and sexually engaged. his reaction to what i am saying and the things he accidentally slips out with, are what’s guiding me as to the direction i take with him. he is satisfying me and is taking great joy and pride at it. i am open to his touch as i am no longer sexually frustrated at his lack of follow through with a sexual component to the interaction.
i will not give up having a lover. ever. my husband is happier when i am, and i am happier when i am sexually satisfied. i can accept him spooning me to cuddle to fall asleep, after spending 3 hours in bed with a lover who’s single mission was to make me unable to walk by giving me multiple orgasms as i begged for him to stop. his cuddle no longer leads to a fight as i haven’t had sex with him in months.
Now, we are having ‘regular’ sex. the last 2 months, on an almost weekly basis. it’s because of my making sure he understands that when he goes away for work, i won’t be lacking for male company and it excites him. or he is trying to make sure i remember his efforts now. i wish he would talk about it but am at a point in my life where i no longer care that he won’t. he clearly has some darker issues he refuses to acknowledge as he so aggressively becomes passive and withdrawn when i try to engage him in a sexual discussion.
oh well. it doesn’t matter. my sexually neglectful husband has shown me that i do not need to stay faithful to have a happy marriage, as long as everyone’s life stays the same, i can do what i want to have my needs met elsewhere and as long as i pretend that it’s ‘normal’, it is becoming just that. the problem with being neglected, is that i had to seek out the attention of someone i didn’t love, to stay married to the man i did. not sure that’s the lesson he intended to give, but that is what happened, because of it.