how many years has it been? and still when i see you my tummy rolls with the excitement of how beautiful you are. your hand on my knee sends shivers through me. i talk too fast. and about random disjointed things. it’s because your touch distracts me. i can feel myself getting wet and i am trying to pretend i am not reacting so hard. my voice catches. i glance at you. you smile and say ‘me too’.
that first kiss after so many many months. that first kiss. your full beard brushes over the sensitive skin of my face. your hand finds its way through my hair to cup the back of my head. your nose is rubbing over mine as we shift and our mouths cling together. your tongue traces my lips. my in-drawn breath stutters. i’m falling and tumbling inside of my mind and i forget where i am. nothing is real except your touch.
when you hold me, pull me close across your chest, and kiss my head as you brush the hair back behind my ear, i hear your voice rumble in your chest. we catch up, share pieces of our lives, but i can’t stop myself from reacting to your touch. there is so much chemistry between us it pours like maple syrup, thickly sweet over heated skin, quickly steaming windows on a rainy day.
every time i see you, it strikes me at how vividly i have remembered you. how perfectly i recall your scent and your touch.how familiar you feel under my hands. i grasp each moment tightly, needing it to be enough to keep me in the long dark days i have the will to stay away from you. but today, i needed a reminder that i am alive. that i feel. that i can respond and live in the moment and outside of myself.
you are everything that arouses me. everything. and i can not bear the ache you leave behind in me whether you enter me or you don’t. you leave me twisted and hurting with urgent need even if it’s been fulfilled. deep and desperately my body wants yours as much as my mind wants you to need me with a reciprocity which would bind you to me closer than you are. you hold back. because you’re damaged. and i remember that as well.