we invent love

you never get the love you need. you get the love you are used to getting. if you haven’t been taught that reciprocated love, decent love, is normal, then you accept the version you adapted to, in order to mentally survive. and once you grow up, you should recognize your faults and flaws with this childhood way of viewing love and grow towards being the person you want to be; worthy of being loved and being able to show it, express it.

we approach love with weakness and vulnerability. desperately hoping that we will be accepted with all our flaws. And when we stumble, because we inevitably stumble; when we perceive that we are being under appreciated or misunderstood and not loved unconditionally, it brings all those old fears, that soulful childish hurt, to the front of the relationship. As we fail, we fall backwards; out of love and out of time to fix things before angry words are spoken and cold shoulders hold slammed doors shut.

we never get the love we need. we get the love we invent ourselves and allow ourselves to believe. thank you kind Liras, for reminding me that it is not my reactions  to the swirl of confusion, anger and rage, which knock me to my knees, which are abnormal, but my forgetting that they came from an abnormal place of creation .A reactive and situational depression and sadness is in fact, a natural and reasonable response.

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2 Responses to we invent love

  1. Liras says:

    I am glad to be of help.

    In all my relationships, I strive to give people what they need from me, not what I want them to have. If you are thirsty, for instance, handing you a splendid piece of buttered sourdough toast won’t help. You need water to alleviate your thirst, no matter what I may think/feel.

    If we had more of that on the world, what a glorious place it would be. Instead, we have so many wounded and blindfolded ones wandering about, only able to scrape up tiny bits to give to others.

  2. kdaddy23 says:

    Here’s the thing: We are told what love is supposed to be, how it’s supposed to go, when it’s supposed to happen, what we’re supposed to do, and even why we should experience love… and it’s an idea, a high-handed notion, and one so complicated that no one can exactly answer the question, “How will I know when I’m in love?”

    The usual answer is, “You’ll know…” – and from that point forward, we set ourselves up to fail because even if we happen to get a good idea of our own about love, we all can’t agree on what love looks and feels like – we have our own ideas and goals about this so at some point, someone will come along and totally trash our concepts of what loving/being loved is supposed to mean… and we will do some trashing of our own along the way.

    It’s the reason why it’s said that the worst thing you can do to someone is to love them. We take the concept of love, which is boundless and knows no limits, and turn it into a major list of what we’re not going to do for the sake of love because over time, we’ve all been hurt too much when we give too much and we become cynical and insular to the point where we will tell someone we love – or get told by someone who loves us, “I love you, but…” because love becomes subjectively conditional.

    So we wind up not getting the love we need and wind up trying to settle for the love we can get and, as we learn, that can be iffy and spotty at the very least – but it’s better than nothing at all.

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