ok fine. I AM angry and trying not to be. Anger is futile and masks fear and frustration. I am not angry at the person. because when people make a choice, you have to accept it whether you agree with it or not. he chose to emotionally destroy his family and friends by killing himself slowly by alcohol poisoning. His choice.
His death doesn’t anger me. What makes me actually angry is people calling alcoholism a ‘disease’. No different than cancer or diabetes. Guess what? They are totally and entirely different. Alcoholism is not a physical illness it is a mental one. We are treating it wrong as a society. If I hear it one more time, I am afraid I am going to lose it. The only person who can actually ‘say’ that is someone who has never experienced it. Theory is not always transferable into the practical.
You can’t cure depression by placing someone in a ray of sunshine and giving them a bunch of daisies plus a puppy to play with (okay well maybe if you include a puppy) because a cure for depression is not a result of changing your environment and adding visual or auditory stimulation. Just like curing alcoholism isn’t simply a matter of removing alcohol. There is so much more involved than ingesting a drink.
No one chooses mental illness. No one chooses physical illness. Yet how we treat them and how we perceive them in people varies dramatically. And I am struggling. I KNOW he had a mental illness. Why else would someone torment their family and friends on the path to self destruction?
Yet there is that moment…that crystal clear moment with addictions. ‘When you know’. You know that you have slipped. That you need to stop. To do something, anything to stop what you are doing because it IS going to end in brutal mind numbing addiction. I faced it. I KNOW. So there is not an addict alive that can tell me differently. We all feel it/face it as cognizant adults, at some point in our life, or a version of it at the very least. And THAT moment is a choice.
Either ignore it, and do what you want to do, and slowly start that downward spiral and advise the people who warn you, that it’s none of their business because its ‘your’ life. fuck that and fuck you. Once people say this, it’s time to abandon them to their addiction because they made their choice and to stay is to support it and to witness the physical and mental destruction of someone you love.
I’m calling bullshit on how we treat addictions. People standing on the edge of 40 story building have others try to stop them from jumping and if their immediate family fails then Joe Public steps in and the person is institutionalized and forced to get help/therapy/medication so they understand where they were and how to avoid going there again. Yet for alcoholics, this doesn’t happen. They treat the mental illness of alcoholism with a ‘remove the bottle’ policy, which does nothing to treat the persons mental health which placed them into a state of addiction the first time.
Then you’re left with watching a system fail someone who needs help and seeing their family struggle to cope with an inevitable outcome. And worse, the prolonged death always leaves you with that tiny glimmer of hope that maybe one day they will realize what’s happened and that it won’t be too late to stop it, to get actual help, to be saved. Sometimes that stupid flame of hope, hurts more when it is extinguished than the actual death of the individual.
At least you can be glad they finally have the peace they destroyed themselves to find. Realizing that your hope was futile, pointless and ultimately worthless, takes much longer to accept, than the physical death of someone who mentally died 2 years ago.