obviously oblivious

One of the loneliest feelings in the world is when someone who is supposed to be your partner asks you ‘what’s wrong’ with attitude and disdain in the hours after learning of a personal tragedy and death of a close friend because they can’t make the connection between the event and your mood.

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17 Responses to obviously oblivious

  1. Ned's Blog says:

    Couldn’t “like” this one, RM. But let me offer my sincere and heartfelt condolences — on the loss of someone special in your life, as well as having someone in your life who appears to be at such a loss for compassion. If I could reach you, I’d hug you tightly.

    • rougedmount says:

      i’d probably lose it – kind of want to – kind of can’t. death is a funny thing. even when you know it’s coming. when you know it’s imminent. somehow it is still shocking. the cold reality of loss washes through your system and shuts it down in some ways. in others, it opens everything up. ~life~ is not just waking up and getting through your day. it’s seeing the crinkle of someone’s eyes as they laugh and it’s the snapshot of that memory which enhances who you are. life. it’s a personal gift, isn’t it? yet you can destroy it and it can be impossible for anyone to stop you because ultimately…it’s not YOUR life. and no matter how much you love someone you can’t save them from themselves. they have to do it or want it. and watching the train wreck happen, hurts. seeing the destruction of those directly impacted, hurts. when people feel numb from emotional shock, it’s what i call “an emotional concussion”. a period of inability to function can be normal for some people. we all handle things so differently but shutting down is our brains way of letting things filter so it can process. otherwise the shock of a new and painful reality can be too much to handle. grief is a pendulum of pain. i wish i had brilliant insight about getting through it, but no one does. It’s just something you have to decide about before it occurs. Making a choice to life, to breathe, to appreciate every. single. little. thing. Because life is ALL those little things added together. That’s a lifetime. It’s so hard to stay away from anger and blame. To remember to accept that another’s journey and response to crisis, addiction, fear; is not yours to judge even when the choices are not good for anyone involved.

      • Ned's Blog says:

        So very true. It is the little things… and the moments in between… that matter most and define our lives. In the face of loss, finding anger or blame only delays the healing process and the chance to filter through your real feelings. And as you said so well, there isn’t enough time in the life we are given to waste on blame and anger… Although a few minutes with a punching bag doesn’t hurt.

  2. Kay says:

    Hugs to you.💜

  3. kdaddy23 says:

    That’s sad that the attitude is, “Oh, now what?” And all because he’s set himself up to almost always be on your bad side on so many things…

    • rougedmount says:

      he has never been able to be supportive when i encounter crisis or emotional/physical pain. not sure if he fears it or if he’s lazy. i’ve told him how to respond. he fails to remember the next time it’s needed. it doesn’t matter. i didn’t expect it from him. truly. he was shocked as well. and he deals with things by running away from it and not acknowledging it. pretending it didn’t happen. i am a reminder that ‘it’ happened. i think that’s why he get’s annoyed. he can;t pretend things are normal when i have fallen apart as i never do…

  4. mysecretme75 says:

    Sorry to hear of your loss and pain.

  5. paully1965 says:

    Kisses. Hug! A big one.

  6. acquiescent72 says:

    First of all, my “like” is one of support.
    Unfortunately, there are some people detached from emotion… But there are always those that have compassion too, and sometimes what we would like to get from one person we can find in another.
    I hope you find peace in all of this right now.

    • rougedmount says:

      peace. will come. it always does for people who are ‘survivors’, ‘fighters’. like you said, my support is coming from elsewhere…from people I knew it would. the worst thing about grief is not feeling it, but watching it in people you love and knowing how much they hurt and feeling helpless to stop it, to kiss it better, to give them a cool band-aid accompanied by a cherry Popsicle and magically fix everything within a hug and on a lap. Physical pain in others, I can deal with . The emotional pain tends to destroy me because it’s like pushing smoke from room using your hands.

      • acquiescent72 says:

        There is something about emotional pain that is unlike any other pain. It has a habit of never going away.

  7. Sorry for your loss and the subsequent pain following. You have been a wonderful connection here.

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