i’m alive, just busy and struggling. trying to keep head above water. without my safety net, i am slipping back to a place where familiarity helps to stabilize my fears. fears of abandonment. of being alone. of sadness and despair. it’s funny how much i needed that voice of reason. came to depend on it to be my crutch to keep me on the path i wanted to be on. now i am running barefoot over jagged rocks that i know cut my feet because they did it before, the last time i tried.
he’s wanted to resume things for the last 2yrs and how can i keep myself away when he is reaching out a hand and i am falling? my net is gone and i am afraid this is a losing battle. i just can’t be strong anymore. you don’t know how much physical contact means until it’s missing from your life. you don’t know how lonely it is to live with a partner who doesn’t speak to you and has no love language.