lessons learned

I’m not sure whether to hate you for not contacting me or to be proud of you for your resolve to focus on a single woman in your life, even though we’ve never been romantically involved. It’s hard for me to think that 5 years of friendship was a complete lie. It’s hard for me to accept that it’s simply over. I hate having to remember to not contact you when I am in the middle of wanting to share something with you. As if the void you have made in my life by your absence is simply something I must adjust to and accept. It sucks. You suck. You were my anchor, confidant, my voice of reason and made me laugh when I was taking myself too seriously. And then you were an idiot and the result was dismissing me from your life. I’m hurt by it even though I understand it. Like all loss, it will get better with time, the ‘not having you in my daily life’. And like all true loss, it’s left its ugly scar on me. It’s confirmed the experiences of my past and what I struggle with so very much; to not open up or to trust easily. Because all men eventually leave you, no matter what they say.

This entry was posted in friends, Relationships and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to lessons learned

  1. darkgemdom says:

    I liked your post but I find the last sentence interesting. “All Men”? Really? Have you met every Man in this world? That’s quite the generalization.

  2. paully1965 says:

    Heartbreaking, loss is hard. Well done on having the courage to write and share.

  3. Liras says:

    I’m sorry for what you now have to live with, as losing a good friend hurts the soul.

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