i wrote a 9000+ word diatribe about an event that occurred in my life recently and i can not post it as the situation was so exact, so revealing that it would identify me to anyone who knew me and stumbled across this blog in error. there is my need to vent and catalog something on one side and my need to stay invisible on the other.
i had a family member that i have not spoke to in years, reach out to me unexpectedly and instead of being handed an olive branch, she instead violently castigated me with a thorny whip across my heart and mind. to say i was shocked, hurt and angry would be an understatement. there is no excuse possible to explain her behaviour. nothing she can do to make amends in the future.
my reaction was instant and unfiltered. i did not mince words. i did not attempt to question her actions or explain away her actions. she cut me and i in turn, beheaded her. then holding her decapitated head up to mine by the hair, close enough to watch her eyes cloud over, i spit in her face before mentally tossing her away like the piece of garbage she acted like.
i am done. this last year has been marked by my voice volleying back the violence directed towards me. my tolerance level is gone. my ability to mitigate the reasons someone acts like they do, has diluted. when meanness and ignorance is directed towards me, i do not entertain it well. i confront it and demand that people back the fuck off.
i give far more than i have ever asked for, including giving the benefit of doubt to anyone who is having a bad day or a hard time. people who are marginalized or downtrodden have my support, always. i am talking about people with who i have a past and people who like to be passive aggressive or worse, hurt people on purpose from playing backhanded, narcissistic mind games.
i have burned bridges this year with no regret at all. i do not want to trod down those old paths again and i do not want the people on those roads to ever get to where i am and damage where i am at. life is too short to allow people to hurt you on purpose. it’s too short to keep taking it for the sake of keeping the peace or maintaining a relationship based on abuse.
sometimes, it’s alright to tell someone to keep their mouth shut and mind their own fucking business. sometimes it’s absolutely necessary.