i was prepared to be angry with you again. to be honest, i had planned to leave for the day and spend the night alone in a hotel room. even though you said nothing as we laid in bed, you actually said happy anniversary, in a soft little childlike voice in the kitchen as you were leaving the room, before you left for work and i came into the office to find a card on my computer. After a week end spent not talking because of what happened with our sons meltdown on Saturday morning.
i know you felt guilty, maybe even responsible for what happened with our sons melt down, as you spent all day yesterday doing stupid little chores as your way of admitting you were wrong in how you handled things. you’d never actually say anything though. because you can’t actually admit anything. you didn’t actually do the main things that needed to be done. things that would have helped me and the house. you puttered dusting a bike, getting drywall cut for a hole no one sees in the basement.
you said nothing to me about plans for dinner before you left, so i assume we aren’t doing anything. i’ll make dinner like i always do. part of me wants to go out and spend money to punish you for always disappointing me. part of me wanted to accept the offer of a gentleman friend who had contacted me today, wanting to see me. nothing says i disrespect you and the marriage more than having another mans sperm in my belly. but you bought me a card for our anniversary this year, so i’ll wait until tomorrow before i spend time with my current lover.