tall men

We all have sexual preferences; things which have developed over our lifetime and have provided us with the base we have grown from sexually. Of course, things are added to that as we age, some are left behind, but at the core of who we are as sexual primates, we have some hard wired preferences that need to be acknowledged and accepted for us to be happy in our skins and in our partners beds.

I like tall men. This preference was established from a complicated series of interactions, both physical and psychological, I had from the time I was a small child. I had an abusive mother and was only safe in the presence of my father. To a small child, your father seems very big and protective. My first experience with men, was that I needed a man’s physical presence to be much bigger than I was to be secure and to feel loved.

This start in life, is something I carried with me and into my teenage years when sexuality was blossoming. I had lots of attention from many males, but I was attracted to the bigger and older boys because they were better able to protect me when I felt threatened in various situations I found myself in. They were a buffer against the outside world, from physical danger and as a result I responded to them sexually.

I tried dating smaller men and the sexual chemistry simply is not there and it can not be forced. I don’t respond to them. They could be incredibly handsome, have tons of money, be very athletic and perfectly educated and yet my mind can not push them past the friends level. My body does not respond. Worse I tend to recoil a bit when trying to push forward and into a romantic place with a shorter man. I my mind, I regress into being a young child, feeling unprotected and vulnerable.

This response I have, has absolutely nothing to do with the man I am with and it has everything to do with my sexual conditioning. I can’t force it. Even if he is a mixed martial arts savant, it doesn’t matter. I need to feel enveloped when I am being held, I need to feel completely covered when he is on top of me, I need the physical presence without feeling dominated by someone my own size or I flash back to the helpless panic I felt as a little girl, being attacked by my mother.

A smaller man makes me feel combative and confrontational. I feel defensive and the absolute last thing on my mind is sexual response. It doesn’t matter how adept he is in bed, how beautiful his cock is and how well he can use it. On me, he is wasted because I can’t get out of my head long enough to actually enjoy what he is doing, even if I temporarily respond to it.

So many short men get angry with women who state they have a height preference and I don’t understand why it’s such a big issue when so many men have preferences of their own which stimulate them. Anger is such a wasted response to a woman who doesn’t want to date you because of your height. It would be no different than a man who needs large breasts for arousal to settle for a woman with an A cup and then expect to be sexually satisfied once you are in a relationship.

Some men are not attracted to women who are BBW’s while others will only date women who have meat on their bones. Some people have racial preferences; if there is a fetish for it, some people both have it and need it; wanting to partner with a tall person is no different, really. It’s not rejecting everyone else who doesn’t fall into the category you need, it’s a matter of accepting the things inside of yourself that you need to be sexually responsive. Find the right person, the right fit, for what sexually motivates you. Stop getting hung up on being a short man or having a flat ass instead of a bubble butt.

Rather than wasting their time being angry that someone won’t date you, search for the people who do want exactly the type of person you are. Height is a major factor to a woman who needs height to get off erotically and it doesn’t matter at all to a woman who needs something else to respond. It’s a shame it can take some people so many years to figure all of that out. It’s not a personal attack against who you are as a person, when someone rejects you for a sexual partner.

It means that the person knows and understands their own sexuality well enough that they know starting anything with you will not work as a long term option and rather than ‘try’ yet again, it simply makes sense to stop it before it begins, before anyone gets hurt or invested into something that can not last and is predestined to feel like accommodating someone elses feelings, instead of owning your own.

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16 Responses to tall men

  1. Peter says:

    I’m 6’6″ / 1,95m 🙂

  2. literally says:

    Reblogged this on smilingtomyself and commented:
    I confess, I like tall men as well….sigh…

  3. Melanie (DoesItEvenMatterWhoIReallyAm?) says:

    It’s amazing to me that you have worked out exactly what you need from a mate, and the “why” behind that need. Not a lot of people are even capable of facing that sort of thing head on, and coming to terms with it. Good for you, and thanks for sharing your very enlightened perspective on the matter! Xoxo M

    • rougedmount says:

      i’m nothing if not extremely self aware. i shared it as i hoped it might help some people who feel they don;t get a chance with people because of another persons preferences. you can’t force yourself onto someone and rather than try..its easier to look for someone who wants the package you’re in. accepting that you are not for everyone is the first step towards knowing you are right for many others.

      • Melanie (DoesItEvenMatterWhoIReallyAm?) says:

        I agree 100%, and yes my dear, I’ve always known you are very self-aware. It’s a wonderful trait! 😘

  4. Ned's Blog says:

    I think you’re spot on, and is more common than not. We’re hard-wired as a species for the male to be a protector. Women are naturally drawn to men with a taller, larger physical stature in the same way many men are drawn to women with larger hips and full breasts because, physically, it alludes to fertility and childbearing ability; it’s nature’s whisper in our ear. In the end, however, we humans are more complicated than that and fine tune our own preferences based on life experience and influences — which either deepen nature’s suggestion or influence it based on our own specific needs and desires. Clearly, you recognize what has influenced your physical ideal in a man, which only makes you more capable of finding pleasure and satisfaction.

    My wife is also someone who needs tallness in a man. And I’ve never been happier to be 6’1 😉

    • rougedmount says:

      we all come to what we like, by various paths and it is a wise person who accepts and acknowledges that as opposed to fighting against it. for the record: not all men like hips and breasts..i have met a fair number who much preferred flat chests and narrow hips as the illusion of anything female, fertile, sent them into a tailspin of uncomfortable awkwardness. obviously i ascribe my own reasons as to why this happens, but it normally always stems from things like sexual orientation issues, arousal from pre adolescent body types which points to formative year discovery of sexuality. i truly find sexuality and preferences so incredibly interesting. i’ve the very bad habbit of being rather direct and have discovered that men especially find it unnerving, though depending on their personal history it either illicits a direct and honest response from them or sends them into a massive defensive posturing…which again fascinates me. I am not sure why people are so adverse to discussing sexual topics once past young adulthood, so they have a better understanding of what works for them. it seems to me like it would save everybody time if people were able to identify themselves more easily.

      • Ned's Blog says:

        I’m pretty sure your assessment as to why some men are drawn to boyish features in a woman are the same as mine. I’m sure the same goes for why some men are uncomfortable with women who are direct — which, in my opinion, is a terrific habbit to have no matter what size bra she wears.

  5. Shalom says:

    After husband 1 being 6’7″ and dad at 6’3″, i’m surprised i don’t have a preference for tall men. Maybe it’s the opposite of yours, they WEREN’T protective when i needed it. Master and I are an inch apart and weigh just about the same; complimentary, but not the same. i feel far more protected with Him than anyone i’ve ever been with. On my trip to see Him, i got on a commercial scale with Him and shared O/our combined weight. That’s trust!

    • rougedmount says:

      ahhh you see! your preference is because of your history with men…your match is a man who makes you feel a certain way. my father wasn’t tall..though to a small child he was…my spouse is tall and never made me feel safe like my father…the man needs to meet our internal needs and those we are aware of from how we processed our past interactions.

  6. t2randa says:

    I’m 6’7″ and well endowed is that enough

  7. The habit of men lying about their height and age on dating sites is a scourge. As a taller woman, who likes to wear heels, I often open the door to disappointment. I don’t know how they thing women are not going to notice. But I have settled on two FWBs that are slightly shorter than my life partner but slightly taller than me.

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