We all have sexual preferences; things which have developed over our lifetime and have provided us with the base we have grown from sexually. Of course, things are added to that as we age, some are left behind, but at the core of who we are as sexual primates, we have some hard wired preferences that need to be acknowledged and accepted for us to be happy in our skins and in our partners beds.
I like tall men. This preference was established from a complicated series of interactions, both physical and psychological, I had from the time I was a small child. I had an abusive mother and was only safe in the presence of my father. To a small child, your father seems very big and protective. My first experience with men, was that I needed a man’s physical presence to be much bigger than I was to be secure and to feel loved.
This start in life, is something I carried with me and into my teenage years when sexuality was blossoming. I had lots of attention from many males, but I was attracted to the bigger and older boys because they were better able to protect me when I felt threatened in various situations I found myself in. They were a buffer against the outside world, from physical danger and as a result I responded to them sexually.
I tried dating smaller men and the sexual chemistry simply is not there and it can not be forced. I don’t respond to them. They could be incredibly handsome, have tons of money, be very athletic and perfectly educated and yet my mind can not push them past the friends level. My body does not respond. Worse I tend to recoil a bit when trying to push forward and into a romantic place with a shorter man. I my mind, I regress into being a young child, feeling unprotected and vulnerable.
This response I have, has absolutely nothing to do with the man I am with and it has everything to do with my sexual conditioning. I can’t force it. Even if he is a mixed martial arts savant, it doesn’t matter. I need to feel enveloped when I am being held, I need to feel completely covered when he is on top of me, I need the physical presence without feeling dominated by someone my own size or I flash back to the helpless panic I felt as a little girl, being attacked by my mother.
A smaller man makes me feel combative and confrontational. I feel defensive and the absolute last thing on my mind is sexual response. It doesn’t matter how adept he is in bed, how beautiful his cock is and how well he can use it. On me, he is wasted because I can’t get out of my head long enough to actually enjoy what he is doing, even if I temporarily respond to it.
So many short men get angry with women who state they have a height preference and I don’t understand why it’s such a big issue when so many men have preferences of their own which stimulate them. Anger is such a wasted response to a woman who doesn’t want to date you because of your height. It would be no different than a man who needs large breasts for arousal to settle for a woman with an A cup and then expect to be sexually satisfied once you are in a relationship.
Some men are not attracted to women who are BBW’s while others will only date women who have meat on their bones. Some people have racial preferences; if there is a fetish for it, some people both have it and need it; wanting to partner with a tall person is no different, really. It’s not rejecting everyone else who doesn’t fall into the category you need, it’s a matter of accepting the things inside of yourself that you need to be sexually responsive. Find the right person, the right fit, for what sexually motivates you. Stop getting hung up on being a short man or having a flat ass instead of a bubble butt.
Rather than wasting their time being angry that someone won’t date you, search for the people who do want exactly the type of person you are. Height is a major factor to a woman who needs height to get off erotically and it doesn’t matter at all to a woman who needs something else to respond. It’s a shame it can take some people so many years to figure all of that out. It’s not a personal attack against who you are as a person, when someone rejects you for a sexual partner.
It means that the person knows and understands their own sexuality well enough that they know starting anything with you will not work as a long term option and rather than ‘try’ yet again, it simply makes sense to stop it before it begins, before anyone gets hurt or invested into something that can not last and is predestined to feel like accommodating someone elses feelings, instead of owning your own.