shifting priorites

i am planning on lying as a way to avoid conversations i simply don’t care to have. there are people i just don’t have the energy or the desire to deal with anymore. it’s not that they are troublesome in and of themselves. truthfully, i neither have the time or inclination to have them in my life anymore. i’m tired of it. of being a convenience. i no longer have any interest in sharing myself, my mind, my feelings in hopes of making or keeping a connection. i’ve retreated into myself. becoming more insular and protective. i no longer feel i have to search for something i don’t have or can’t find. part of me feels that i see things very clearly for the first time, in a very long time.  i don’t think it’s me becoming bitter or jaded. i simply have seen a side of human nature, of mens’ nature, that i don’t want to be part of anymore. it’s funny when you are faced with sudden health issues, that you can immediately re-focus on some basic truths, you have not been able to see. i don’t know where the knowledge will lead me. all i know is it’s shifted priorities in my life. fear is its own motivator when looking at the brevity of your own mortality.

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