old lover new role

i often wonder why you still want to maintain a relationship with me after getting exactly what you were looking for by being with someone else. i know we ended as the result of a misunderstanding. you’ve told me multiple times she was your second choice. you’ve also said you are staying. you love us both. i understand and support this decision and would not have it any other way.

you keep wanting to go back and replay the what may have been’s. to renew what we had and continue as we were. but you can never go back to the past. to be honest, i wouldn’t want to. I can’t play the game of how things might have worked out between us. i know because of the stress you are under right now, it makes it easy to think about how easy things might have been with me. dramatically different. and it’s appealing to you; especially when you and your new wife are so tired, juggling 2 careers, a new baby and a blended family.

i’m not the person you moved on with. she is. and yet you never let me go so you could be with her completely. it’s not fair to her. it’s not fair to us. maybe i keep the entire thing confused for us because i haven’t said to stay away. it doesn’t matter how long goes between us talking because we resume where we left off. it’s a connection we’ll always share. i wonder if i could be content being your mistress through your multiple marriages. not sharing your daily life, simply your erotic thoughts over a lifetime.

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8 Responses to old lover new role

  1. Marian Green says:

    Being a mistress through multiple marriages. Now there is a thought.

  2. dievca says:

    “…not sharing your daily life, simply your erotic thoughts over a lifetime.”
    This slayed me.

    • rougedmount says:

      is it enough? being the sexual ideal and preferred partner for someone who doesn’t want you in their day to day life? how do you reconcile it?

      • dievca says:

        I don’t know, I’m just at the beginning of this change and it might not follow through. But, I can tell you (as you may know) watching the beginning and development is painful. There will be a point when I have to decide what I can live with or without.

  3. Jayne says:

    Once the eruption of desire passes to just boiling and smoke, being the other woman is the other side of the teeter totter with the spouse who is lied to while he rides both for pleasure and security. I’m speaking to my own emotions on being involved in this dynamic. At some point, I’m left with a bitter tinge of cowardice in myself for choosing to stay with a man I can only have behind closed doors, in the dark and always with that cautionary fear lingering about at times. At some point, the reality hits you that you are less important than his spouse, whether you admit it or not. What does it say about a person who continually lies to a spouse while bedding someone else? I wonder how I would I be able to do that. That’s when I think open relationships are better and there are no rules but your own choices and limits to reach.

    • rougedmount says:

      i seriously think open relationships would be a perfect solution..especially if people weren’t always so fraid

      • Jayne says:

        Fear is always what stops our growth isn’t it? Especially that fear in relationships and love – or losing love. I don’t know how I would react in an open relationship except to say that I think that I think being the other woman in an open relationship that was strong and definitively their priority would be absolutely lovely. I don’t think the heights could be reached without total disclosure, self understanding and fearlessness of heart and how many people have that? just a theory

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