to need and not have

i’d rather have and not need, than need and not have. i’m tired, bitchy, sexually frustrated, pissed off with myself at forgetting that he is not a normal man with normal drives or normal responses. i should know better. i hate the fact i have to keep so controlled JUST to be below average. just to be freaking below average. i can’t imagine a man ever thinking that a pathetically average performance is adequate in any way. sex with him is unforgettable in so far that it’s so horribly bad, so terribly disappointing and brutally brief.

it wasn’t even sex. the sad thing is, it was another failed attempt at sex and that’s all he is capable of. god, i need. i need to be with someone who is in control, not takes it, not pretends to have it, but where it comes as a natural extension of his sexual preference. a man who wants to make me understand i am completely and totally female and as strong as i am, as powerful as i can be, i am always going to be his sexual minion. i feel like if i can’t lose control in bed, then i’m going to lose control in my real and public life.

This entry was posted in Husband, marriage and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

16 Responses to to need and not have

  1. Pimpf says:

    feeling sorry, it’s not easy not being able to share with your loved one your sexual attentions and feelings, it’s how it should work but it’s also a hard step to get. Hope you will find a solution.

  2. myarousal says:

    I have always had places in my life where “just okay” was enough. To be a slacker at work sometimes was acceptable. Making a quick dinner and cutting corners was clearly fine. But……a man……I want to claim her, I need to take her, fill her with my seed and then…..I want to lay back and kiss her with long, lingering passionate kisses. I need to feel as “one” with her….hard and deep or slow and loving…..but I need her to feel every pulse and throb of my cock, because she is the one who should complete me……*sigh*

    • rougedmount says:

      there is a need that some people have..to be naked in spirit as well as in body. to be the person others would never imagine them being. most men can not handle a very strong woman and most revert to a juvenile state of submission when confronted with a woman who leads from a powerful position.most men don’t take it as a challenge to step up and into their sexual nature. perhaps they are so used to having the testosterone stream diverted they have no idea what to do when faced with a woman who needs to be flooded.

      • myarousal says:

        You are so engaging….I love this. Thank you.

        I too began my sexual life at an early age. I loved it. The feelings and emotions…..naturally I was drawn to it… and in my beginnings…extremely submissive. But shortly afterward I wanted more. It wasn’t a desire to simply control, it was my deep need to claim, to pleasure another person my way….to see a girl pleasured completely and feeling connected to her as I feel her clench uncontrollably around me….as I pulsed into her with every fiber of my being. Only a strong capable woman can provide that bond…that union. I have always hungered for the girl who would stand on the edge with me….closing her eyes as we leap into the dark abyss……strong confident women are not man’s enemy…..they’re the essence of what should be…….

      • rougedmount says:

        those kind of women are far and few between…it often takes them years to grow into that version of themselves

      • myarousal says:

        Yes, they are rare. Many girls believe they are cut from that cloth…..but aren’t…..
        I feel it’s a delicate balance at best., even in the best case scenarios. I have had relationships few who were great, but all ended from poor decisions from the beginning. I truly one woman in my life who was very special for a long time……17 years……things change…..things end….in some way you could use the old adage…..”live by the knife, die by the knife.”

        I believe it’s really hard for some people to stay on the rails and not fall off. Whether it be guilt, too much emotion or infatuation. Something ends a relationship. Personally, I feel it’s typically the female who walks away, ending the marriage. I am open to hearing differently, if I’m judging this too subjectively.

      • rougedmount says:

        often times a woman may end things if she believes the actions of her partner do not match his words…so when a person walks..male or female..it can take the partner by surprise because they truly did not understand the needs of the other person…or they were incapable of understanding them. Then again..I also believe some relationships have seasons and last simply as ling as they were meant to, in order for us to learn something. not everyone is supposed to be in our lives forever.

      • myarousal says:

        I agree. I think what I was alluding to and maybe did not clearly state, was that relationships are very complex. Marriages come in a wide variety of shapes and dynamics. I sense you and I and countless others are hungering for the perfect relationship with our respective spouses. There are also those in this community that look at their spouse as many things, but not a sexual partner, or in the least, not the primary partner. Many as we all know are sissified, humiliated, and castrated as husbands. That seems to me to be more of the Femdom, hot-wife scenario.

        I know through my own experience with my ex, that she made choices out of desperation, and possibly retribution, a payback. Ahe are falling and grasping at anyone she can grab a hold of and break her fall to the bottom. My wife was incredibly submissive, sexually hungry and motivated by jealousy. She had instigated sexual scenarios for me with girl friends or women who’s husbands were falling short sexually. We had entertained the idea of bring another male into the mix. The Idea was I would share her, push her limits and make her stronger as woman. She naturally would be his submissive too. We entertained the idea of a group of men taking her, claiming her. For her birthday I surprised her an all male party.

        When I said…….”I believe it’s really hard for some people to stay on the rails and not fall off. Whether it be guilt, too much emotion or infatuation.”…….I was saying that many people find fucking other people in a open marriage (with the other spouse present) hot, exciting, and something of desire…….then they’re left with mixed feelings. In the case of the relationship with my wife, which is not exactly the same scenario as yours….but end results can be similar…..she fell in love with one of the men. I understand the intimate connection and the powerful feeling of being one with another. After all we had experienced, I could deal with an honest discussion and solution of our dilemma. But when my daughter asked me, why is mom dressed like she was when she arrived home from school, with another man sitting at our dinner table…..I knew she had fallen off the rails. This was no longer about one of us filling a void, completing what in us we did not have sexually.

      • rougedmount says:

        incredibly complex and contains information that makes me think of so many questions..and brings up quite a few fears about choices i haven’t made about my marriage…but considered

      • myarousal says:

        You may ask me anything…..I would love the engagement and conversation……My blog has the button……

      • rougedmount says:

        the button? i can barely use this site…lol..i wrote for 2 years before realizing other people could read my posts or that i could read other peoples…lol

      • myarousal says:

        lol……..maybe that’s my problem……I thought I had a button…..*hmmmmmm*……….lol.

  3. Ena says:

    I read what you write and go a bit crazy because I just know that is the same path my life will take… But I don’t know if I will be strong enough to make the same decisions regarding my sex life. Thank you for showing me I’m not alone.

    • rougedmount says:

      you’re not alone…but you have to decide what you can and can not handle…and everyone takes their own journey which is never as simple as it seems or as difficult as you think

Share your thoughts...I did

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s