concept of compromise

is it worth it? you’ll ask yourself a thousand times and a thousand more. every time you sacrifice, give in, give up, and do what’s best for the kids and the marriage and not for yourself. every time you are diminished and let go of dreams and things that you love to do because someone else needs you, needs your help, needs you to provide direction. is it worth it?

compromise. the magic word. the word that we get tattooed on our mind when we get married as the sounding bell of how you should live inside a relationship. compromise. what people fail to understand is the concept of compromise only works when two people are doing it, working with it and living it. otherwise it becomes a twisted parody of what it was meant to be.

it leaves one person greedily sucking the life out of the other to the point where they cease to exist then start to forget who they once were. you’ve given until you become a shell. a hollow, fragile shell that feels like you are going to break at any moment. you have allowed yourself to become marginalized and ignored, your needs unmet and your life becomes a shadow of memory you had and it changes you.

yes, there will be good moments; fleetingly brief and tenuous with your spouse. your kids and those rare moments of joy you share from loving them, will sustain you for a long time. but one day, as they get older and need you less, you remember that you are and have been utterly alone, even while organizing and living a busy life. it will scare you as much as it shocks you, once you admit it to yourself.

and with sudden certainty, the answer comes to your mind. the one you have ceaselessly asked as you pushed through the fog of your adult life; was it worth it? was my giving up everything worth it, to be where i am and not where i wanted to be? was my desolate solitude worth the stability i provided for the rest of my family? the definitive answer that comes either sets you free from your present or brings you closure on your past. either way, it allows you a future.

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8 Responses to concept of compromise

  1. DoesItEvenMatterWhoIAm? says:

    What a profound post. I hope that it hits home with people. You are so fucking smart. Xoxoxoxo M

  2. Shalom says:

    ‘…compromise only works when two people are doing it…’ EXACTLY! The other day i read an article that identified ‘gentleness’ as the key element in a relationship and that really struck a chord with me. Their rubric was marriage, but it could easily apply to all relationships– Once the gentleness was replaced by disrespect, anger or unkindness, the relationship unraveled. It is my intention to operate with gentleness and love.

  3. Liras says:

    “…either sets you free from your present or brings you closure on your past. either way, it allows you a future.”

    Yes, it does.

  4. willcrimson says:

    There’s a book called “The Passionate Marriage” which makes the same argument. It argues that the best marriages aren’t just about compromise, but more about two strong individuals who can act independently, voice their desires, and love & respect each other for doing so.

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