the truth about Erectile Disaster

erectile dysfunction. nothing says i am not attracted to you, i don’t want to have sex with you, more than seeing your partners soft cock in the middle of a sexual liason. yayaya i know the reasons; medical issues, it happens on occasion, it’s not reflective of anything…whatever. when you have an erection and lose it once the woman shows interest or while having sex, it’s like a slap in the face or being doused in cold water for her. it ENDS the ability to feel aroused and worse it makes you feel like you are not attractive and that you are not wanted as a woman. it ensures you don’t even try next time.

reasonable of not, it’s how a woman feels. true or not, it’s what we think. your erection issue IS her’s as well and if you don’t sort it out then not only will there be a physical distance between you but an emotional one as well. it will be the only thing getting bigger every time she tries and fails to have sex with you. because you stopped initiating sex a long time ago, most likely you have developed  insecurities on if you can get hard. or stay hard. and then you probably worry about premature ejaculation since it’s been weeks/months since you last had sex.

your soft cock and reliance on drugs means there is no more spontaneous sexual encounters. it means an end to passionate sex stemming from a random kiss. when you let things go so long until they get so bad, do you seriously think that your ability to function sexually is NOT going to be impacted? what the fuck is wrong with you that as a man you prefer emasculation compared to the embarrassment of admitting you can not get an erection by traditional means? isn’t the relationship worth the private chat with the Dr?

everything about sex has to be choreographed to an inch of it’s life and it makes you feel like you are on fertility drugs trying to conceive and have sex within the right parameters, when temperatures are right and conditions are optimal and quite frankly it pisses me off in annoyance, as opposed to making me feel sexual or desired. the entire thing makes me want to just fucking get it over with as opposed to enjoying it and worse it highlights every single failure in between. why not use the drugs as part of the foreplay, instead of hiding it or simply not taking it at all and ensuring failure?

i abhor the reminder that i am not enough to arouse you and keep you hard. i know you have mental and physical issues that have created this erectile issue that i have to live with as your primary partner and i feel cheated of a normal healthy adult sex life by avoiding the attention of others so you could try and fix things. you can’t fix what you won’t admit is broken and you are so fucking broken that i seriously doubt if your attempt at fixing this marriage can work. even with the magical boner pill you forget to use.

whatever. it’s not like i lied and told you i was monogamous. this was my choice to give you my full attention and you prove time and again you can not handle me. every single time you push me away from a sexual experience with you, you make it harder to stay away from the man who wants to be back in my bed. how can i refuse him, how can i refuse myself, when our sex drives are normal and you are the one who languishes in this weird world where chastity is preferred over sexual contact?

seriously, the only time there is any ever passionate intimacy between us is when i say ‘fuck you’ after being disappointed and disgusted by your failure to perform…again…and i don’t want to hear one of the stupid lies and excuses you tell yourself, told to me. you make the situation exponentially worse by refusing to discuss it with me, acting like this sexual failure is a new and unusual surprise instead of a chronic issue presenting itself for over a decade. i may have strained an eyeball, as it rolled back in my head so far that it looked like i was channeling spirit or having a seizure.

i can not do this. i can’t be patient with you as you try and use drugs and manage your erectile dysfunction while i am sexually frustrated. the only way i can give you the support you obviously need, is to come to your bed after leaving another mans and being satiated to the point that your failures or success simply do not matter to me because another man has taken care of me properly. which is something you seem incapable of doing, even with a fucking instruction manual detailing every single thing you can do that would work for me.

your erectile dysfunction is an erectile disaster when you ignore it and the longer you let it go, the harder it is to get your partner to reinvest. the chances of her remaining faithful, when you refuse to meet her basic physical needs are very slim. and your insane belief she should remain faithful when faced with your inability to be a sexual partner to her is unreasonable. if you can’t meet her sexual needs then at least allow her the dignity of having those needs met elsewhere without having to worry about your reaction to it, so it doesn’t have to be hidden.

get help. get therapy. get drugs. or get used to the fact that your wife has to fuck other men to have her basic sexual and intimacy needs met because you have failed as a partner on every level possible. you may be completely content with your soft cock and never having sex, but i am not. get it up or get it out of your head that a change to a celibate marriage is something i can live with.

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20 Responses to the truth about Erectile Disaster

  1. Felicity says:

    Reblogged this on The Dark Night Chronicles and commented:
    Men who love their partners need to hear this, to understand it, to ‘get’ it. It’s not all about you. While we all react differently, the emotions are the same, for everyone. And when you ‘wait for it to pass?’ That just reinforces for your partner that you really don’t give a shit. Actions speak louder than words. And you cannot speak loud enough to cover these kinds of feelings up.

    Love,
    Felicity

  2. kdaddy23 says:

    Ya know, it never fails to amaze me how women can be so offended by something that actually has nothing to do with them. Yeah, I know that a soft dick tells a woman he’s not raring to go and all that… but if the guy has ED, well, that shouldn’t reflect on a woman; usually, it’s not that he doesn’t find her desirable and fuckable and all that good shit – his shit just ain’t working the way it’s supposed to and if you know the probable causes of ED – and maybe most women don’t because they’re too busy being offended by a dick that didn’t burst through the guy’s underwear just looking at her – then, yeah – I can see a woman getting pissed because the guy ain’t doing shit to remedy the problem – that’s why they make those little blue pills.

    I’ve often wondered if women understand how emotionally devastating it is for a man to not be able to get or keep an erection and, yeah, some men never recover from it and having a woman constantly busting his ass for it doesn’t help matters. Now, I ain’t saying that you don’t have good reason to be kicking your husband’s ass all over the place for his failure to address the problem when it first happened… but if you know why he has ED – and you do know because you’re just a very smart woman – how is that a reflection on you?

    Even if a guy doesn’t have chronic ED, you do know that there are other things that’ll cause us not to be instantly hard or impair our ability to maintain an erection, don’t you? If you, as a woman, know that we can be distracted – we’ve got some shit going on in our heads – or get overstimulated – our own fault or by the woman we’re having sex with, um, don’t you know that shit just happens like that? And if you do, why assume it’s a lack of desire for you on his part?

    You know I mean no offense, Rouged, but as a man – and one who has at times suffered from “momentary ED” – like not being horny at the exact moment my baby wants to get busy, having other things on my mind, stuff like that – I really wanna know how something that can just happen to us (or made to happen by other means) translate into “you don’t find me exciting.” Your hubby, well, again, I know about his issues but you’re not the only woman I’ve ever heard say this same kind of thing. If we have to do something get y’all all nice and tuned up for sex, um, isn’t it reasonable that y’all have to do something to get us hard sometimes and that despite what you think (or what you’ve previously experienced), we don’t always get instantly hard at the prospect of sex? If a single stray non-sexual thought can totally derail a woman’s desires, does it not stand to reason that it can happen to us as well? And if we’re not supposed to get offended when something we didn’t do turns you off, well, why do you get offended? Do you see the disturbing double standard in play here? I’ve seen it and as experienced as I am in having sex with women, I just don’t pretend to understand this.

    Help me and all the other men out on this one, will ya? In my mind, how is this different from all the times a man is hard and wants to have sex… and she’s not in the mood? Should we then assume that you don’t find us desirable enough to have sex in that moment… or should we understand that that’s just how women can be and that because they don’t want to have sex in that moment, it’s not a bad reflection on us? Yes, if it is because you don’t find us desirable, well, that’s a very real problem all by itself and one that needs to be fixed.

    You have the perfect opportunity to educate both men and women about this and I’m genuinely eager to find out why women behave like this when ED isn’t their fault.

    • rougedmount says:

      you know i fully understand ED asa normal part of male sexual life..it happens and there is not an adult normal woman who hasn’t seen it, experienced it and understands it for what it is and exactly as you have explained it.
      BUT
      imagine that ED is the norm and very rarely a usable erection is the rare event. Most normal and educated women don’t start off being pissed off. That comes after months and years of the exact same thing happening repeatedly. it becomes VERY personal because…well..it IS personal!
      Imagine how you would feel..hot and horny..revved up and in the middle of servicing your woman, she shifts to change position…then walks away stating …oh sorry…I don’t want to have any more sex right now. Hope you understand..it’s not your fault. Sometimes I simply lose interest…I’m just too aroused top have any more sex. Then she leaves you alone in your sexually frustrated state…
      now repeat that for years…
      and whats worse is you know the pattern, you know it will happen every single time you have sex with her. Now you tell me what the chances are you are going to want to have sex and end up sexually frustrated all the time? We’re not talking about not being in the mood and not starting sex..we’re talking about being in the mood, starting something, then never finishing it.
      ED IS a man’s fault when he can
      1. take a pill to ensure success
      2. at least finish her off once he started her up

      of course women know how damaging it is to a mans ego when he has issues..its why she says it’s no big deal…when it IS. She lies about it for months and years trying to work with him through the issue but if he is unwilling …well then…what’s the point?

      • kdaddy23 says:

        In your scenario – and thank you for providing it – yep, I’d be miffed for a moment until I found out why she wanted to stop. Would I assume it was me? I learned (if no other men have) to not do that and wait to hear what she says – even if what she says (and if she even says anything) is a lie. But I also know a woman can instantly fall out of the mood for any old reason – and “protocol” says I’d better not get pissed with her for it and if I am, I’d better not let her know it unless I want to get that lecture about her rights as a woman and all that grief.

        If I know that this is, even generally, how women can behave when it comes to sex, what’s the point of getting pissy about it? If there is a known problem – and sometimes there is – and it can be remedied… and she doesn’t do anything about it, yes, that’s different… but there’s a huge difference between being unable to have sex and not wanting to… or am I the only one who thinks like this?

        If, as a man, I am “obligated” to start what I’ve finished and to the best of my ability, why aren’t women held to this same standard? It’s okay for y’all to get up and walk away and leave us hanging… but not okay if we have to do it for some reason – does that make any sense to you?

        Holla, my dearest Rouged…

      • rougedmount says:

        seriously? you’ve had women get up and walk away during sex?
        and like i said..i know a medical issue is still an issue…but it makes a woman feel unattractive, unwanted, undesirable and just because it’s a defined reason why, doesn’t remove the sexual frustration you have from being forced into a celibate relationship that you do not want. if a sexual partner suddenly became a quadriplegic, you could stay with them, remain partners…but you aren’t sexual partners any longer. The difference is the disabled person didn’t refuse medication that could make everything work, did they? So there is resentment towards the person who failed to medicate when it was an option.

      • kdaddy23 says:

        Sadly, I have. Okay… ED is a medical issue men can suffer… but, again, what does that have to do with you and how you see yourself? You KNOW your husband has issues that he’s failed to address and I know you’re smart enough to know why he didn’t do what any other man would have done; if anything, that’s a very bad reflection on him and more so if you understand the mental anguish going on in his head that takes his manhood away in other ways.

        That’s not because you’re not hot, desirable, damned fuckable – whatever; this is he wants to because you are – and he can’t and it messed him up so bad that instead of fixing it, he just let shit keep getting worst.

        I don’t blame you for being resentful toward him for not doing what he should have been doing about this… but I just don’t get what that has to do with your view of yourself.

        Despite whatever he hasn’t done, has anything really changed about you? Are you not hot, sexy, sensual, and probably the very best in bed? Apparently you are since you have guys beating down your door to get at you and if it’s not the guy you’re married to, baby, that shit just happens and unless you know for a fact that you’re the reason for his issues, don’t assume that you are.

        That’s all I’m saying… and other women can take this to heart as well. Women force men into celibacy all the time – even my woman does this to me – and we’re not suppose to resent y’all for this; we’re supposed to understand your reasoning for this – and even when it doesn’t make sense to us. Nope, we’re just supposed to accept it and never complain about it. Even when she has a medical condition AND for some reason, she feels some kind of way about getting it taken care of, if she doesn’t, well, we’re just supposed to accept and understand that and keep right on being denied that intimacy we need from her.

        And, damned right, when we throw in the towel and go get it from someone else, we’re about as wrong as it gets, aren’t we.

        This double standard is such a terrible one… and we are incapable of doing anything to make this go away…

      • rougedmount says:

        personally speaking..i’ve never said ‘no’ to a partner…even when angry… i certainly never got up and left..lol..as to ‘fuckability’… the fact a man wants to screw you has no correlation to your sexual value…as men want willing and engaged partners and not passive and withdrawn ones..

      • kdaddy23 says:

        Um, sometimes we like the passive ones. Now, fuckability…

        Some women ooze this… thing that draws us and tells us that no matter what we might do, it’ll be well worth any hassles to get her into bed. Some women don’t have this and whether they do or not depends on her view of herself. Not flashy or demonstrative I that sense but it’s more like a quiet confidence and even a sense of “danger” that tells you that if you get in bed with her, you just might have met your match.

        And you’d gladly let her trash you.

        Passive women can ooze this just as much as women who are more, ah, interactive with sex and, yes, I’m a guy and we just know this stuff even without understanding how we know it.

        So tell me you’re not fuckable, that your ability to be lusty doesn’t ooze from you in many ways and that you don’t possess this because of the way you see yourself… c’mon, say it if you can…

      • rougedmount says:

        luckily there are various deserts catering to various appetites…and like an artfully crafted cupcake..as good as it looks displayed, you assume it will be delicious once you make a mess out of eating it and hope you get an offer to dig in.

      • kdaddy23 says:

        True, true…

      • kdaddy23 says:

        Oh, I forgot: When I’ve had this happen, it wasn’t anything I did, said, stuff like that – it was them and it taught me something I don’t think a lot of other people really understand (no offense to you).

        The four women who did this to me either felt guilty, got too distracted by their own thoughts, all of a sudden decided that getting laid wasn’t what they really wanted to do and one woman got up because she thought that she wasn’t good enough.

        Made me go, “What…?” but I got to understand just how totally insane women are and how it doesn’t take a whole lot for them to go from being as hot as the sun to as cold as space – and at the speed of thought.

        Of course I asked if I did something wrong and I believed that they weren’t lying when they explained – and I’m actually glad they did bother to explain. But should I let something that’s beyond my ability to control affect the way I look at myself?

        Never. Then again, I understand this shit even though I don’t like any of it.

      • rougedmount says:

        sex between partners ‘for me’ also includes the men of my past..my history is there as well. what my brain ‘knows’ is not what that internal voice says before you have a chance to shut it up at times…

  3. DoesItEvenMatterWhoIAm? says:

    Your frustration is palpable in every word. I feel your pain. ♡♡♡

  4. Sad, two people totally not communicating. I believe she would very easily be screwing around even if he could get a hard on. I sense no love here. Why doesn’t he just go get the pills. Man! just sit down and talk to each other!!

    • rougedmount says:

      …passive aggression takes many forms and manipulating a sexual experience is one of them. Most people normally associate it with women as opposed to men. And the result of lack of communication, especially in long term relationships, is the breakdown of not just physical connections but emotional intimacy. It is impossible to get another person to open up and talk, unless they want to, so it does not matter how hard a single person works at a marriage…it takes effort from the other person as well. Decisions are made to stay in a dysfunctional marriage when mitigating circumstances make it the best choice. It is certainly not the easiest of choices. But if everyone’s major needs are being met and the cost of that stability are simply the libido of 1 person…then it makes sense to stay…even in a sexless marriage.
      and to completely clarify…screwing around is not necessary when you have your needs taken care of by the person who promised to do just that. everyone has a breaking point to what they believe and it changes how you view things before it happened. if that’s not happened to you yet, then you are blessed.

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