cialis surprise

Cialis. Behind my back and after a massive fight where I tell you I am done with any sexual contact with you, the brilliant decision you make is to go get Cialis. For the last 5 years I have alternated between either complete silence or telling you when pushed to it, that we had major marital issues which included a vast disparity in our sexual functioning and expectations. I’ve made it clear that your inability to have sex (with me) was a major issue that comes with consequences that included far more than simply not having sex with each other. You come home with Cialis and yet you are completely incapable of speaking about or discussing anything of a sexual nature.

Oh, and lets not forget that you didn’t have a discussion about using it or getting it, with me. The discovery came at 2:30am after a 6 hour ongoing lecture where I was trying to talk to you and tell you how impossible things are between us and you refusing to talk to me in return. I told you how much I resented you for not just even trying, but the claims you make about you how hard you try, drive me insane. The major issue between us is that we have such disparaging views on the reality of our sexless marriage, that there truly is absolutely no point in discussing anything with you.  Yet, I get sucked in on occasion and it’s disastrous. You are unable to understand the role you play in how unhappy I am with you as a husband.

What I see as a completely inadequate sex life, you see as being exceptionally active one. What I see as being an inability to communicate, you see as the exchange of a vast amount of personal information. When I ask you to provide examples or dates we had sexual congress, you become belligerent as I believe you are more than aware of the fact that the actual numbers support my claims and not yours and you do not like being called on it.

I purposefully kept you awake half the night, knowing you had to work today, because I was sick from the fighting. I can’t stand conflict, it makes me nauseous, upsets my stomach, gives me a headache and eventually shuts me down so I actually pass out and sleep for a few hours. I truly wanted to understand how you could have possibly come to the conclusion that getting Cialis ‘now’ was the answer to the sexual issues we had 5 years ago! Five years, not days, not weeks, not months. Years.

You made the choice to not get any help! You decided to let me live in a celibate marriage with the expectation of monogamy because in your mind we were having copious amounts of sex, simply because ‘you’ believed we were in spite of my screaming that my belief was that we weren’t. Of course, I am going to flip out when you have the nerve to say how active we were sexually when I am the one who has kept records about how often, how long and under what circumstances.

I came right out and told you what I was doing and you don’t even mention it or acknowledge it. I asked you if you believe me and you completely avoid it. I doubt you would believe I had an affair even if you walked in on me being fucked by another man as you would find some way to avoid the reality in front of you for the one you make up in your head to support the reality you think you are living in, as opposed to the one you have.

When you got the Cialis did you also get a pill for communication? How about one for honesty? Did you get the magic therapy pill that gives you a years worth of weekly supervised visits with a professional who can guide you through the twisted perceptions you have about what a heterosexual man is supposed to act like towards a spouse? Cialis can help you get an erection but it can’t magically turn you into an interested participant or attentive partner. You got a pill yesterday for a problem that occurred 5 years ago and you are deluded enough to believe that now that you went and got the Cialis, everything should be fine. On what planet does that happen?

You know what? Shove the Cialis up your own ass and ~fuck that~ because you aren’t going to use it on me. Not.Even.Maybe.

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22 Responses to cialis surprise

  1. Village Idiot says:

    Dear rougedmount:

    My situation involving or [more aptly] not involving the ball-and-chain mirrors your own so closely that I am truly angered by your words. Were I on location, methinks I’d have to fight my impulses hard not to kick someone’s backside up between his shoulder blades. What astonishingly puerile behavior by anyone professing to be a man.

    It is incomprehensible to me that anyone would throw away a marriage out of bald indifference. I’ve said it before, but his behavior toward you is blatantly indecent, deeply injurious and profoundly disrespectful. Of course you know all this as well as I. There is no cure for relational Neanderthalism, and asexuals do not become heterosexuals.

    I’m guessing that you are moving ever closer toward the ‘acceptance’ part of the grief cycle. Eventually, I learned that all sexual contact HAD to stop. I always found the act too powerful. For me, it cemented me in a relationship that what’s-her-name would never allow. I could not heal from my grief because each act began the cycle again.

    I promised myself that I would not empower the ball-and-chain to reject me yet again. Ever tempted to go back on my promise? Very seldom, but yes. Have I ever done so? No. The best stay-strong strategy I’ve found is to drive deep into my psyche the fact that I will never empower her for further rejection. For me, that is where healing began.

    I’d be interested in knowing how things go when he finally gets it that he has been dispossessed. Perhaps he will breathe a sigh of relief that he’ll never have to go there again. This is truly odd as most men pray daily to get some. This won’t solve your problem, but this device from ‘Current Pleasures’ [cleverly named] might provide abusement.

    http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00GGNAOBU/ref=olp_product_details?ie=UTF8&me=

    Village Idiot

    • rougedmount says:

      your message brought sadness via affiliation and then wonderful laughter re: electro shock cock..lol..still giggling actually. i don;t know what to do at this point..i am aware i am on a cycle..i just am not sure today what to do with the info

      • Village Idiot says:

        Dear rougedmount:

        For now, just keep laughing. Humor — admittedly dark humor — has helped me cope as the unremitting marital hell into which I descend perpetually became ever more apparent.

        I keep thinking of all the occasions on which you would manipulate that little remote button — a dumb answer in a social setting … ZAAAAAAPT! Discovery that he has failed to perform the simple task you requested of him … ZAAAAAAPT! Showing more interest in the squirrels on your deck than in you … ZAAAAAAPT! When he leaves the care and discipline of your adult son to you … ZAAAAAAPT! When he says that he is willing to sex you any night of the year you want … ZAAAAAAPT! … ZAAAAAAPT! … ZAAAAAAPT! … ZAAAAAAPT! … ZAAAAAAPT! … ZAAAAAAPT!

        The possibilities are endless.

        Village Idiot

        PS: Did I mention that you should keep laughing?

      • rougedmount says:

        much like a dog barking collar on a yappy pooch he’d be yipping all day

  2. Domina Jen says:

    Wow… I am seriously baffled by his perceptions, and the fact that he absolutely refuses to see what the actual problems are.

    • rougedmount says:

      I have informed him that he needs to attend therapy alone. if he does or not? well i guess that certainly tells me he has no intent on perusing self awareness

  3. DoesItEvenMatterWhoIAm? says:

    Oh honey that fucking sucks. Ouch.

    • DoesItEvenMatterWhoIAm? says:

      Also, herein lies the conundrum I find in the “like” button. I want to say “I support you” and it feels weird to click “like” because sister, there is absolutely NOTHING I like about your situation.

      • rougedmount says:

        lol..liked is a simple acknowledgement..the real “LIKE” here is that much like a bad storm is needed to clear the air..this whole situation was needed as well for the same reasons..

      • DoesItEvenMatterWhoIAm? says:

        Agreed. I hope this shit sorts out for you soon so you can get on with your life.

    • rougedmount says:

      yes it does..but i don’t for him and haven’t in a long time.

  4. kdaddy23 says:

    Amazing – I read this with my jaw dropping! I thought, “Oh, NOW you wanna do something you should have done the moment you realized you had a problem that require Cialis or one of the other drugs!” I can’t imagine, in any reality, where a sexless relationship is a good thing, let alone how anyone could see such an inactive situation to be exceptionally active.

    Is it better late than never? Not in this situation; not only has the barn door been closed, the barn eventually got torn down because its supports rotted away and collapsed and got rebuilt somewhere else. His behavior in this just totally goes against everything I believe in about being a man and I wouldn’t have believed that such a person could really exist… until I started reading your blog. In a way, I feel sorry for him because he is so damaged that there probably isn’t a psychologist or any medication that could bring him back to reality and away from the “fantasy” world he’s been living in. He’s broken beyond salvage and that should never happen to anyone but the question that pops into my head – and you do not have to answer it – is do you know what could have caused him to break like this? Because I’m having a hard time imagining what could break someone to this degree (and I can imagine a lot of shit).

    This whole thing is an epic and fatal failure to communicate – and that’s just one of many fatal failures I see going on…

    • rougedmount says:

      i so appreciate your comments..knowing that you have read the background details as you have. Like you..I also had the jaw drop moment… I actually said.. “you got medication for a problem that existed 5 years ago! This relationship, this marriage is not where it was 5 yrs ago! You were embarrassed? to ask for medication and instead chose to ruin what was left of a fragile marriage? You can’t be serious. This can not be your solution to our issues”. I have to say, I am still shocked. Unbelieving. I have told him I can only be responsible for what I say and not what he hears or understands. I have always been clear in what I say…100 people could hear it and explain what I said. Except him. He can not understand me. I have tried speaking it to him, to writing it for him, to showing him…and nothing works. It took him 3 years to understand that my ultimatum of get medication and start having sex with me or i will have it elsewhere, was what I actually meant. He says he can;t go back and change things and my reply was ‘neither can i. you made your choice when you decided to do nothing and doing something years after the deadline, doesn’t mean anything. In fact, it’s the ultimate in disrespectful behaviour.
      I am exhausted from being overly emotional. I’m feeling sad from being so completely misunderstood … especially when i know the issue is not my ability to communicate but his to listen and comprehend. i used to feel like a failure for not being able to make him understand. i constantly changed my position and perspective to help him understand…and then i finally realized the entire reason he is not learning is simply because he chooses not to. there IS nothing I can do to alter than as it’s all on him. as to the why he is as he is? that will be in another post.

      • kdaddy23 says:

        His failure to understand you just baffles me; his inability to recognize and respond to this whole crisis – and in a very timely fashion – just blows me out of the water and, again, defies everything I ever learned about being in a relationship and dealing with women; literally, no man in his right mind would do what your husband’s been doing so, yeah, clearly, he’s not in his right mind.

        Okay… is needing Cialis an embarrassment to a man? Damned right it is – even I find it embarrassing to know that I might need them some day – but most guys would go get those pills because they know they HAVE to get and use them and more so if they don’t want some other motherfucker fucking their woman (if for no other reason).

        Is it disrespectful behavior on his part for failing to do his duty as a man and husband? I can’t honestly say that it is disrespectful; respect, as we understand it, has nothing to do with this and this is so fucked up that I can’t fully explain what I just wrote. It is, if it’s anything, totally irresponsible and on many levels…

      • rougedmount says:

        lol..your reaction was mine.. makes you wonder though, what really does go through peoples head..as it can certainly be exceptionally different than your own

    • Village Idiot says:

      Dear kdaddy23:

      What may be more shocking, he may not be ‘broken.’ It may seem that way to anyone looking in from the outside; but as one ‘married’ [whatever THAT means] to a true, asexual, I conclude that this is truly her natural state of being. With a gun pointed at my head, I couldn’t explain it. But I sincerely believe that she is SO ‘out of touch’ with sexuality that she simply cannot relate to it. She has no comprehension of how or why this might or should factor into a relationship, let alone why it MUST.

      The old polio inoculations involved both a shot of vaccine and a test. It always left a scar on the arm. Sometimes the test didn’t take and that had to be redone. Those people bore a second scar on their arm from the procedure. With the ball-and-chain, sexuality is like the procedure that simply didn’t take.

      As a profoundly under-experienced person, I can only guess here; but I think I’m on good ground to offer that if there are issues in the relationship which need redress, sexual practice can bring these to light. What’s-her-name on the other hand went for year after year after year after year after year never once being held in that way. One day, she caught me in a particularly aloof state and hounded the truth out of me.

      I stood in unbelieving astonishment as she expressed her OWN astonishment that there was any problem in the relationship. ‘I thought we have a good marriage…’

      ‘What the hell,’ I thought? I mean seriously — how can you go years upon years never once howling at the moon and think that your marriage is hunky-dory?

      What does that say about her perception of marriage, her understanding of what marriage is? Lacking heterosexual orientation, she is unable to experience or even conceive what that relationship is. And since she experiences the world asexually, understands the world asexually, and interprets life in it asexually, she is doing what is only natural for her. For an asexually-oriented person, asexuality IS normal.

      To her, it makes no sense at all that people should be so preoccupied/obsessed with other people’s genitalia. Sure — that junk is there. So what? And precisely BECAUSE this person IS asexually oriented rather than heterosexually oriented, she/they will NEVER see the world or conceive life in it any differently.

      We have had [so-called] ‘culture wars’ over gender-orientation issues. So-called Exodus International — a ministry to gays/lesbians — folded a while back because they faced the fact that sexual orientation is not about choice and it does not change. That is true for gay and lesbian persons. And it is true for asexuality, which [some] contend is another specific orientation beside heterosexuality, homosexuality, and bisexuality.

      Orientation doesn’t change. My ball and chain doesn’t/won’t/can’t change. rougedmount’s ‘husband’ doesn’t/won’t/cant change. You either accept that and live with it [my mistake], or you change your OWN circumstances. You can no more expect this person to change than you can expect to see Noah’s ark make its way up the Mississippi. It won’t happen.

      For the asexual, asexuality IS normal. For asexuals, it is sexual people who are weird.

      Be thankful you are where you are, my friend. And keep supporting rougedmount. She needs it as much as I do…

      Village Idiot

      • rougedmount says:

        thank you so much for this…i truly truly truly needed to read it and i value the input. my biggest fear with him is that his orientation IS asexual as that is the one thing I can no longer live with. Being gay, being bisexual..no issue…but being asexual? that is a death sentence. the fact i have survived so far…that i ‘lived with it’ until i was pushed …i can not and will not go back there. ever. the ultimatum is this: divorce me so i can have a sexual life or stay married to me understanding that i will have a sexual life and not feel regret or remorse over having my basic needs met. He is at a crossroads and I am standing there with him, seeing which direction he turns as it will determine which direction I am going to take as well.

      • Village Idiot says:

        Dear rougedmount:

        I think that it is important to realize that asexuals can sometimes be sexually responsive, particularly if this is someone for whom the asexual cares. With herculean effort, the ball and chain could cough it up twice a year [in some years, at least]. And when she did, she could come to climax [but never more than one]. But for the asexual, NOT to experience desire is the default position to which this person returns time and again. It is NOT the inability to experience or the absence of arousal — it is the general absence of desire which defines the asexual orientation.

        After half a dozen orgasms in an afternoon, a man may be sexually sated. Does that mean he isn’t interested, or that he doesn’t experience desire? HELL NO, GIRL! Being sated, he is unable to experience arousal for the moment. But the desire is there. He just needs a meal and an hour to recharge! Except with the asexual, the DESIRE is not there. And because of that, arousal is very much the exception than the norm. Therein lies the difference.

        Asexual awareness is very new. And asexuals themselves often struggle to understand or come to terms with what it means, or how they experience their sexual orientation.

        Another thought to my reply to your later post — it may help your guy continue to face his issues if he knows that he is not blamed for his orientation, which is not in our control. Yes, he ought to have DISCUSSED these things from the beginning. But as I said, I truly believe that this is ‘gender-orientation’ issue over which asexuals have no more control than does anyone else.

        Take care!

        Village Idiot

      • rougedmount says:

        i have spoken of his lack of desire but have never stated to him as being an orientation. i think he would not be receptive to discussing this as he’s been delusional about most aspects of our sexual relationship. But it’s my issue for not understanding that he truly sees things a certain way..and once again..he has a right to..and our inability to gain a clear understanding ..a shared understanding..has made things harder than they ever needed to be.

      • Village Idiot says:

        Dear rougedmount:

        I concur. Mention of orientation would would raise many other issues at a time when he needs to focus on what is changing around him, and on his obligation to make good his readiness to see through his stated commitment. My post would be better had I mentioned that my observation about orientation was for you only. You have handled this with wisdom, and that is good.

        Sexual people can at least use their own desire as a prism through which to gain some insight into differently orientated people. But to explain this to an asexual person???

        ‘Darmok and Jalad at Tanagra on the ocean …’

        Village Idiot

      • rougedmount says:

        i am so grateful for being able to get various perspective so i can try and gain an understanding on where he might be coming from and options on how i can handle it. thank you for helping to guide me when i am confused

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