past present

Rather than raining men, I am thinking that there are certain relationships where it’s more appropriate to say there is a ‘condensation of men’ because some men from your past re-cycle themselves back into your environment. They filter through your emotions, letting you absorb what you need before they evaporate from your world until they suddenly appear when you need them the most, once again.

Is it because some people are meant to be in your life and fine their way back if possible? Others when left behind seem to stay there; in the time and place they held value and purpose. Yet those few who seem to insert themselves into your mind by attaching themselves to your daily thoughts and who seem to appear when you need them to, I wonder if we are supposed to refuse them entry or just let life work itself out and see how this time will work out.

Doors closing, windows opening. Cool drafts with icy rain blowing in to damage and leave irreparable marks or gentle warm summer breezes scented with lilac cooling hot skin and brushing the hair back from a flushed face. It’s hard to know what will happen unless you actually step outside because you can’t judge the temperature or weather with a triple pane of glass sealing you away from the reality of what just might be very different than you expect it to be.

I am trying to decide if I allow them back into my life or if I simply gently let go and allow them to stay in the past where I left them, even though I can see them reaching out their hands for me to hold onto. I wonder what’s best for me, when I can’t seem to figure out which direction I am heading in? Letting go and holding on are 2 sides of the same coin.

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6 Responses to past present

  1. Moonstruck says:

    You can’t have it both ways unfortunately or fortunately as it may be.

  2. Domina Jen says:

    What does your gut say? Our instincts generally tend to be right l, especially regarding other people and the influence they may have on you. Sometimes it’s hard to quiet the rest of yourself down enough to hear/feel/whatever the message your intuition and subconscious want to convey.

  3. rgonaut says:

    the past is the past always move forward.
    this from someone who frequently looks over his proverbial shoulder at the past. do no move backward

    • rougedmount says:

      it is tempting, so very tempting…i feel caught on a circular path ..or that my celestial body has masculine energy orbiting me, either providing a near miss or a potential for a catastrophic injury with inevitable collision. i am not sure if my strength comes from staying away or from admitting how vulnerable i am in needing the connection, the support. i find my ambivalence disconcerting as i am unaccustomed to it. what i need is to be taken to bed and left in a state of complete satiation so that i can think straight once i am able to move again. which leads me right back to placing myself in the path of forces which may cause me harm if i misjudge the speed of the potential impact.
      i’ve missed our chats…though understand the desire to focus on the real even if it’s not the version you want.

  4. Marty says:

    You do have a conundrum. I’m much too curious a person not to open the door.

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