give the dog a bone

Having an affair means that your sexual frustration and despair from lack of intimacy can not be used to draw you into having crappy maintenance sex with an undeserving partner. You can stand back and watch your marital partner circle around the idea of being open to accepting the initiation of sex with you; thinking about it, wondering if it’s been long enough that they should put in an effort, analyzing that effort against the risk of inciting strife by putting it off, for just a little while longer. It becomes amusing instead of exasperating. And you no longer hate yourself or resent them, for accepting anything over getting nothing, knowing before it even begins, that it will be completely unsatisfying.

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11 Responses to give the dog a bone

  1. kdaddy23 says:

    Kinda difficult to be good at sex with your partner if you’re ill-equipped to do so and in any way it’s possible to be ill-equipped. It boggles my mind to think that there are so many people who think having an affair – and because you married someone who can’t handle their “marital duties” – is always such a bad thing and that the partner being unfulfilled just has to settle with that. It continues to prove something I’ve heard practically all of my life: If you can’t take care of your man/woman, someone else can and will do it for you…

    • rougedmount says:

      and shocker…they’re gonna like it

      • kdaddy23 says:

        Well, yeah: If you’ve not been getting any sex at home or you already know that what you have at home ain’t worth getting naked for, you’re gonna like pretty much every- and anything you get “away from home” is going to be delicious, liked, and appreciated.

        Sometimes, Rouged, an affair is a wake-up call, like, you’d better get your shit together quick or this is going to be a regular thing! But, in your situation? Forgive me, but an affair is highly prescribed and if it were me, I wouldn’t hesitate to get laid elsewhere; that’s preferable over laying down with someone who just can’t do shit.

  2. darkgemdom says:

    It happens with non-married couples too.
    Strange becomes all too familiar.
    Bathroom doors now stay open
    Much assumed
    Chemical highs level off.

    It’s too bad, too

  3. Chris says:

    Maybe a good experience once out of ten or once out of twelve is a reasonable starting point for adjusting expectations and results. With a pulse, some brain waves, and being neurologically whole, he ought to be able to help produce an experience worth having once in a while.

    A bit of fine tuning and some additional frequency, and you’re almost there.

    Just start with one.

    • rougedmount says:

      there is 100% apathy…100% desire to have no desire… there is no sense tuning a radio when there is no electricity to run it…

      • Chris says:

        You made children and were once hopeful about a life together. There must be something there, or something new that could be found, even if what was once there is long lost. I mean only that if you’re both certain it’s going to be a bad experience, even if it is a bad experience, it may still exceed expectations, even if ever so slightly. It’s certainly not aiming for the stars, but some happiness can be gained from exceeding dismal expectations.

      • rougedmount says:

        you have not understood…HE has no interest..no desire..no ability ..he refuses to even speak about anything sexual let alone acknowledge it or try to mend it. i am drawn into trying or caring occasionally and all it does is upset me.

  4. Lex Jones says:

    Reading this reminded of where I was in a loveless marriage. Where I could go back to that time and visualize exactly what you described…”watch your marital partner circle around the idea of being open to accepting the initiation of sex with you; thinking about it, wondering if it’s been long enough that they should put in an effort, analyzing that effort against the risk of inciting strife by putting it off, for just a little while longer” My God I remember those times. And I remember the pangs of my guilt that dissipated when I thought about how detached they were…putting it off just a little while longer.
    What a perfect and accurate description…
    Love this, RM!
    -lj

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