What did you think would happen? You married him and then proceeded to remove your affection and withheld almost all sexual contact from him. How many times did you dismiss his attempts to talk about your marriage and the issues he needed to address? How many times did you use avoidance techniques to ensure you spent no alone time with him? You used your kids as chaperones. You fought with him over booking teenagers into your rooms during family vacations. You invited children on dates your husband planned and you pushed for them to come, even cancelling when you could not get the supervision you needed. Heaven forbid you spend adult time with your husband!
Your attempts at avoidance are comical. They are also heavily predictable. You have been told time and again that your actions are recognized and you deny it and proceed to continue to do it and pretend that the actions are not designed to create distance, as you have been told repeatedly it creates conflict. You do it anyway as you’d rather have him angry than attentive. You are so sadly obtuse. It used to create frustration or anger. Have you noticed that it barely creates any response now?
You have completely pushed him away. Every action you’ve done to make sure he had no close contact with you, has dug the trench deeper and the chasm wider. You have accomplished what you wanted, which is his disinterest in you as a wife. The only thing you forgot or ignored, is that you do not live in a vacuum and that his needs would not simply vanish because you wanted them to. In effect you have orchestrated an environment where he could not get them from you but he could get them elsewhere.
The big news is that he is not having an affair but that he has a love interest. Yes, a LOVE interest. He has found a woman who values him, not just to meet sexual needs but one who is meeting the emotional ones, you have ignored as well. He has found a woman who loves him deeply and who is committed to his happiness. She is healing him from the damage you caused because she accepts who he is, understands his flaws and she loves him as a man and not a pay check. She wants everything you have spend a marital lifetime, rejecting.
Every time they talk when you push him away, you helped them to bond. Every time you started the vigorous protocol of avoidance, you placed his hand on the phone to call and text her. Every time you rejected his offer of alone time with him, you gave him the time to spend with her. You are stupid. Your actions are inane. The saddest thing about this entire thing is that if and when he decides to divorce you in pursuit of the happiness he has found with another woman, is that you will pretend to be shocked. You will make claims how you believed you were happy and that you have been taken completely by surprise.
You will lie to anyone who will listen as much as you lied to yourself by pretending that all of your actions did not lead to pushing him into an affair he never sought out, did not want and tried to avoid. His affair is YOUR fault. YOU are to blame and nothing you say to others is going to change the truth between you and him. You might try and influence others opinion of him, by blaming him, but do you really want everyone to know the reason you are ace divorcing? Do you want them to know you are a sexless, controlling, un-affectionate woman who cares more about public appearances than your relationship with a partner? You kill a mans soul.
He is happier than he has ever been, while married to you. He is more content and more focused. He is more peaceful and has found new direction and resolve. He has gained clarity of vision both in your role and his own, in regards to how your relationship has gotten to the place it is and he has learned those things because another woman has helped guide and support him to get there. You are irrelevant. You are his nemesis. You are the person he endures to ensure his children have a stable base to grow into adulthood from. You are the source of every bad and negative thing in his life. You are not loved. You killed it a long time ago.
He has accepted the trade-off that while your kids do not see a normal, loving parental relationship, with the fact they do not see an abusive one either. You have a routine and schedule of separate lives and the more he stops pushing you for attention, the easier it is to live with you. He has discovered the impossible truth that having an affair has made his marriage better because he is no longer fighting with you over the things he needs to give value and purpose to his life. He now gets them from another woman. He has an affair partner, a woman he loves dearly. And you? You will eventually have exactly what you have shared with him all the years of your desolate marriage. Nothing.