i wonder how many of my posts start with the implied, if not actual, ‘sigh’. or despondent sigh as opposed to magical sigh of pleasure. even if the sigh is technically implied, i wonder how many of them begin with a sound and not a word. a groan. an exhalation. a huff. theatrical moods relayed in sound.
complicated. the word has merit. i mean for as simple as some things are, there is an edge of complication that has wound its way around them to twist it. what i thought was ended has not. twice now i have expressed my absolute dismissal and decision to walk away and both times i was greeted with acknowledgement and then a complete advancement of the cause.
the cause is a man who is trying to understand how to balance a woman who he wants in his life, while maintaining his current situation. his conflict at times is palpable. i can feel him pull away and then hear him ask me to not let him go. he is clear. he needs me, he wants me and he is staying. i believe him. the only issue is i can see he doesn’t know how to do that yet.
he is one family trauma away from not being able to balance their needs against his own. he is working hard at understanding himself and accepting that i accept him as he is. he doesn’t know how to be with me part time and he is struggling with wanting me much more often. apart he is letting doubt creep in. together he commits to doing anything he can to make me happy as it affirms that all is good between us.
he’s a good man and he spoils me. it’s easy to be around a man who worships you.