it’s not about dinner

idiot. absolute clueless fucking idiot. ungrateful prick.

the little things matter. they are the only thing that matters most of the time

trying to blame me for your inadequate and idiotic ineptness

because you have failed to notice or learn anything over a 27 year marriage

not just infuriates me but reminds me i can’t count on you for anything

your passive aggressive snotty remarks deserve to be punched down your throat

or kicked up your tight ass that you always try to protect from accepting responsibility

you should be ashamed that you can barely function at an adult level

making a simple and easy meal, is just that, simple and easy

but you step it up a notch to actually ruin the food so it’s unpalatable and inedible

and then have the nerve to say everyone should be grateful that you prepared it

you prepared NOTHING, you heated up individual things and created disgusting slop

because you haven’t helped me and have never taken the time to learn from me

you fail at all you do, it’s not just this ruined meal; it’s how you are sexually as well

it’s a perfect example of being forced to eat out night after night if you were counted on

because whats at home was neglected, ill prepared and inadequate on every level

my anger is not just about the dinner you ruined on purpose to prove a point

you try and force me to do it all by choosing to do things badly so i’ll take over

well fuck you because you’ve probably noticed i am done accepting your sabotage

i point it out and walk away because i am not protecting you from failure anymore

let the kids see your games for what they are so they understand how not to be

and when we go out, you now know i’ll let everyone know what you didn’t do today

and once everyone hears that you aren’t good in the kitchen, the bedroom or the garage

they’re going to ask what you’re good for

and we already know the answer to that rhetorical question, don’t we

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19 Responses to it’s not about dinner

  1. Oh my, Ive been there. Sorry youre so frustrated

  2. rosewyn says:

    You need to get him one of those hats that fools wear – with a pom-pom and the word ‘Idiot’ written on the front! Look at him and imagine that on top of his head. Maybe it will help. Best regards.♥

  3. overhis2knees says:

    Walked in those shoes. Ugh!

  4. ismeisreallyme says:

    As Ms. M wrote, been there done that +1000x over. Vent here all you like, sadly your words resonate.

  5. Ray says:

    I swear I could have written this post about my EX. She was useless in so many areas… Sorry you are going through this, but I’m glad you have a game plan and an outlet to vent. I saw SO MANY similarities to what I decided I will no longer be a part of anymore.

    • rougedmount says:

      it’s truly amazing what we put up with in the name of compromise inside a relationship

      • Dear rougedmount:

        Then there was what’s-her-name, who for years offered nothing physical and deemed that to be my reasonable compromise to her. I experienced ‘marriage’ as ritualized castration sanctioned by law.

        She is welcome to live in my house, sit at my table and eat my food. But one of the best decisions I ever made was telling her to pack her junk [jewelry, photos of her parents, foundation garments, perfumes, etc.], and moving to the guest room.

        Whereas she refused to have me as her husband, I’ll be d@mned if she’s going to sleep in my bed. ABSOLUTELY NOT! Not with a gun pointed at my head would I consent to pork her.

        It’s weird. If the women who know me knew that in decades, I have porked her not once, I’d have no respect whatsoever in their eyes. And yet it is only by doing this that I find any respect for myself.

        I will not live a life of beggary, perpetually imploring the favors of Mrs. Ebenezer Scrooge.

        Village Idiot

        PS: I am a man, and I bake bread.

      • rougedmount says:

        i am not a fan of roommates i think it’s an affront to marriage

      • Dear rougedmount:

        I couldn’t agree more. In fact, I would contend that what’s-her-name never reconciled to the premise of marriage. As I see it, she doesn’t believe in marriage. She rationalized her behavioral misconduct with some of the most unbelievably stupid lines imaginable, and some that are not even that. In an attempt to avoid her marital responsibility, she even tried to depict my desire for a normal relationship as an adolescent boy’s fantasy.

        She had many years in which to make good her pledge to take me as her husband. That she refused to do so is beyond my power to remedy. I cannot make anyone love me. Nor can I be two people. I can be only one person – one, in context of a relationship that exists solely with her consenting participation, participation that she steadfastly denied and refused for many years.

        As for my now holding her in unmitigated contempt, she has no one to blame but herself. My every pleading overture for her partnership was pissed off without a thought. All of my sacrifice meant naught to her. Frankly, I was a fool to believe that I could ever win her loving affections. Staying with her, I squandered the best of my life for naught. I suppose people stay in non-relationships for varied reasons; but respect for marriage most assuredly is not one of those reasons.

        I find ‘affront’ too weak a word; ‘insult’ seems better, and ‘outrage’ better yet. As I see it, I would not be more disrespected by what’s-her-name if she slept with a different man every night since she promised herself to me. I would have more respect for her as a woman if she did. Spit in my face if you must, but don’t reject me perpetually and speak the lie that you are committed to marriage. That last affirmation was the most difficult for me. I fought it for years. In the end, naked honesty forced me to admit it.

        Many years ago, I relinquished my claim on her and released her from her pledge to take me since she was obviously incapable of keeping it. With more colorful things that I’ll not repeat, I told her that I would shove my organ up a wasps’ nest before dunking it in that God-forsaken bat-cave she calls her body. How other women might respond to that I can only guess. Initially, I’ll go with ‘horrified.’ But what’s-her-name seemed startled/relieved that this ordeal would not again be laid on her.

        Her hypocrisy is unbounded; it is a sea with neither bottom nor shore. Our respective partners mock the very premise of marriage on principle. In my case, I’ve been held in contempt because I do believe it. Probably you as well.

        With heart-feelings toward all those condemned to this existence, I remain yours…

        Village Idiot

      • rougedmount says:

        Thank you for sharing some of the nightmare of your marriage story. So many people would have no idea what you are going through; would be quick to judge and make ascertains of alternate options. You and I both understand that where we are today, is a result of a process that included and rejected thousands of attempts to rectify, accept, understand and negotiate how you wanted a marriage to unfold. Nothing worked because the only option our spouses wanted, which was the one most abhorrent to us, was mostly non sexual involvement combined no emotional intimacy.
        I accepted it. I lived it and believed there was no alternative; not one that meant staying married. Until I discovered that you could have an affair after 22 years of being faithful. I was so committed I never even once entertained the thought of sex with another man. I was not tempted. There was no struggle for faithfulness. It was the easies thing I had ever done as I truly married the man I wanted to be with. I just had no idea that things would change so dramatically between us to the point I could not recognize what we once had. That is completely gone.
        Even if he wanted to resurrect what we once had, it would be impossible, as who I was, is gone forever. I am not that girl anymore. I am gone…

      • Ray says:

        I have a saying that used to hang in my office that read, “Never apologize for how you chose to survive.” So so true. Hang in there. 🙂

      • rougedmount says:

        so many people need to get that and understand it..

  6. Dawn D says:

    I will take this just like you say, as a venting post. Sometimes it feels good to let it out.
    Hope it gets better soon.

  7. plutsrus says:

    I have done so much of this “doing what it takes to keep him happy”, I almost lost who I was. One day I looked in the mirror and said no more. I am going to do what makes me feel good about myself and if that means you won’t be happy 24/7 well so be it. I’m done with 25 yrs of you! Now it’s all about me. You said you cooked a lot be fore we got married, now that you’re retired I’m waiting to see/taste the fantastic dishes you talked about, but still haven’t had the time to prepare. Things that make me go hmmmmmmmmmmm.

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