Rant: real estate and relationships

This is just another reminder of the reason that I will never, as long as I draw breath, accept, or even IMAGINE having THAT WOMAN in my life. Years ago,my spouse called his father and told him our family would be evicted in 3 weeks from the house we had lived in for 5 years. Our landlord had finally come to the point in his divorce proceedings that he HAD to sell the house we had been renting from him. He offered for us to purchase it from him, but we now only had a week to make the arrangements, or we simply had to be out of the house.

This was at the beginning of June. Right before the family seasonal business opened. We had ALL the money for the down payment that I had scrimped and saved for over those 5 years. We had made arrangements when we moved in, that we would have a rent to own option on our tenancy. We didn’t qualify for a mortgage on our own, but WOULD HAVE by the end of August, but we didn’t have the time to wait, because of the landlords’ situation. My spouse called his parents, his wealthy parents, talked to his father, explained the situation and asked for him to co-sign so we could get the mortgage.

He said yes. The amount of stress we had been under was enormous and in that moment the relief washed through us and we both cried. We sat there on the sofa and all the uncertainty of what was going to happen with our family, was resolved. Over the next few hours we made plans, we planned, we organized finances and discovered that by owning and not renting, we would be saving $200 a month and after the first year of home ownership, we would be actually SAVING close to $800.

The phone rang that evening just after I had bathed the kids and gotten them to bed. It was his parents. I could hear both of their voices on the phone as his MOTHER said she would NOT allow his father to co-sign the loan for us. That they would NOT help us take on more debt if we couldn’t qualify for a mortgage ourselves. For the sake of 3 months…THREE MONTHS…that woman refused to allow his father to co-sign. Hearing her rant and demand, make ultimatums, made me sick. Blaming me for everything. Not once did my spouse defend me against her attack.

My spouse, of course, didn’t have to deal with the consequences to her decision as he left and went to his parents place for 3 months to run the family business over the summer season. While I on the other hand, had to dismantle a house, pack everything, clean an entire house, find a new place to move to, on 3 week notice, arrange for movers to come get everything, get it into storage and then pack up the kids and pets and drive 2500 miles from where we lived to my parents place for the summer. To say I was resentful, angry and upset is an understatement.

I had only agreed to move from where I was, to this city and that house, was because it was supposed to be a ‘temporary’ move of 2 or possibly 3 years MAXIMUM. It was costing us to live there, money we did not have and we accrued debt at about $600 more a month than we made. We considered the cost of this manageable for this time period, as it would get my spouse the experience he needed in the career field he was in. I could manage our very tight budget because there was a time frame I could live with.

I just got a notification on MLS that had we actually bought that house 7 years ago, for the rent to own price that I had negotiated prior to our tenancy, then we could be the ones who had it up for sale now for $265,000 more than what we would have paid for it. NO RENOVATIONS…simply the location was and is exceedingly prime. Plus the neighborhood was due to explode in value due to the building of other homes on the street in the last open area, as well as a park being built. All of the reasons I chose the house in the first place, have proven to be financially valid.

HER decision to interfere and to spite ME, to not allow her husband to co-sign that mortgage for us for 3 months, meant we had to move 4 times in 3 years and instead of saving money, initially we had to pay increased rent of $700 a month, which meant we had to use our savings to cover the cost, instead of having it set aside for a down payment. The cost of the emotional trauma was harder to quantify. The instability to the kids lives and to our lives, was totally life changing. The consequences to HER actions have impacted our lives ever since and seeing the monetary cost of the sale of that house, has triggered me to remember how hateful she was and how much, besides money, it cost me to stay in this marriage.

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9 Responses to Rant: real estate and relationships

  1. dragonfly918 says:

    Wow. What a horrible creature–to spite you she fucked her own son. And I thought my parents were pricks regarding money. But there’s always worse.

  2. dievca says:

    Just remember, payback is a b*tch…it will happen. I’m a big believer in what goes around comes around.

  3. 'Tis says:

    Wow, just wow! I mean, I get that someday it might be possible that I won’t care for or even like the partners my children choose but I would never and I mean NEVER not continue to look out for them or the grandchildren they bless me with. I have steam coming out the ears for you right now.

  4. Mike says:

    Is she dead now?

  5. Dawn D says:

    I’m one of the people who actually understand apparently. I was graced with a MIL quite similar to yours. I never had to experience losing a home over her decision. But I was verbally abused by her a number of times, in front of my children, in front of almost total strangers too… and my spouse (at least a few times) did nothing to defend me, just sat by my side and said nothing.
    Now, I call her the witch. From the day I promised to marry her son (‘today I lose my son’) to this day, she held nothing but contempt for me, that even she thought was love. No wonder her son was incapable of loving me!
    Now I don’t have to see her any more. Except maybe when my children get married, which thankfully won’t happen for another few years 😉
    So I feel for you. Really.

    • rougedmount says:

      i’m sorry that you experienced it..i simply don’t understand mothers who reject the woman who will raise their grandchildren. I can’t imagine being so controlling that I have to damage people i love.

      • Dawn D says:

        In the instance of my MIL, I know that she didn’t feel loved in her marriage and turned all her love to her children, making them feel guilty for leaving her in the process. She just couldn’t imagine that another woman would take her place in her son’s heart.
        I KNOW that I will act differently than both my MIL and parents acted (though they never said anything against their SIL, they never stood up for me either). I will not speak ill of my children’s spouses. But if I see them treating my children badly, I will try to help my children see it too and try and help them through the rough patches.

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