I’m not sure why all of a sudden he is having an outpouring of emotions. To be honest, I seriously don’t know what to make of it. The absolute disclosure of his feelings, his fears, his hopes and his intentions, have taken me by surprise.
He is looking for reassurance from me and comments that his various actions and things that he says are ‘done out of love’. He’s acknowledged that it’s a strong word but that he doesn’t have anything else to substitute for it. He says that he will always be there for me and wants me to understand that humour may not always translate through text and he wants me to understand that he never wants me to think he is upset or bothered by my contacting him.
He comments about how sexy I am, but it’s secondary to my being smart and well read with a killer vocabulary. The fact that I have big tits just makes it impossible for him to not want the entire package. He loves that other men look at me, are attracted to me and yet I am with him. It makes him proud to be with me.
I’ve told him that I love how he is treating me and how well he communicates. I’ve said that I love how he makes me feel about myself as his perception of me seems to be profoundly skewed to the point where I seem like a magnificent unicorn…lol. He asked if I understood how much he cares for me and I replied that I understood that he favors me, that I am getting the hint, which made him laugh.
He said he is scared because he feels such a deep connection to me and he just wants me to hold my hand through this for him. I’ve told him to accept this for what it is and to neither question or worry about it. Fear isn’t needed and it can take away from what is right in front of you. He feels like this is all new to him, it’s powerful and that it’s good.
He asked if I was ‘really’ happy with him. I replied that if I wasn’t, I would advise him and give him an opportunity to make adjustments and if there was something I could not abide, I would explain why. He says he believes me that based on everything he’s seen, that’s exactly how I would handle myself and then in the next breath says how he feels is completely new for him, completely different. He told me that I have a hold over him he didn’t expect and even though it scares him he doesn’t want to pull away, he actually wants to go with it and see where it goes.
He worries that I will walk away or become unhappy and he wants any chance he can to fix it or not have that happen by keeping me happy with him. I’ve told him I am not the jealous type and that I will simply be who I am, who I have shown him I am and that I am willing to keep doing what we’ve been doing. He’s asked for me to keep communicating with him and reassuring him that he is meeting my needs. He loves me and wants to make me happy.
I’m rather humbled by the unexpected gift and I will not take it for granted; neither will I abuse the privilege that he has given me of being the woman who is the sole focus of all his emotional and physical interests. I completely did not see that he was looking for this type of relationship, then again, I did not ask either. My casual enjoyment of his time and attention may have just given him the time he needed to decide that he wanted to spend more time with me, than just as a casual encounter in his life.
What actually happens as things progress between us, is to be determined. He’s spoken several times now about having a discussion with me in person when he comes home and before he leaves again. I think that he is excited about sharing his discovery of how he feels and wants to express it directly. I am making suppositions based on the content of communication that has occurred over the last 3 days.
I have to admit that constantly being told I am brilliant, beautiful and sexy is so very soothing to my sense of self. I love how he sees me. I am not going anywhere.