i think i hold his interest simply because i don’t really care about what he can do for me. i don’t really have much to say about our interactions as he is beginning to become a bit of a fixture in my daily life. sexually we are on complete opposite ends of the spectrum and yet there seems to be something that works between us, that i am unsure of how to define.
i think that’s part of what makes him so eager to please me. because at best, i try to be neutral with an edge of annoyance creeping occasionally, into the way i speak with him. he has not been with a woman like me before. that makes me sound rather vainglorious but the reality is he is a powerful man and has people falling all over him eager to please him and i don’t. his business life is his and our bedroom world is completely separate.
i ask for nothing. i do not try and appease him. i demand his respect and that he follow my rules and need for communication. if he doesn’t, i address it immediately and he knows i was annoyed, but will offer up his reasons. this will inspire him to try and please me to atone for his lack of follow through. i amusingly point out to him to adjust his frame of mind when coming back to me, from his work life.
he pauses as i call him out on it. then he complies. i’ve acknowledged that for him, he is not used to the kind of shifting i need him to do and i can tell immediately that he is gathering himself to change his demeanor for me. his training is going very well and it makes him want to spend more time with me. i know i am not far from his thoughts as he forgets nothing about what i say. part of me finds that very unnerving.
what do i get out of this? amusement? diversion? stretching unused areas of my sexuality? intimacy? it certainly provides a non sexual distraction treating an adult man as one of my dependent children whom i have the care of. i don’t find it strange at all though. it really takes very little of my time and consumes none of my troubled thoughts and yet it brings him an enormous amount of comfort and security. And it’s given me stability i did not expect to find.
i think that my stability as a woman and my consistent expectations of normal deference is the thing that arouses him. part of me wonders what the hell his real life works like, if this aspect of his life has to stay hidden. but then the other part could care less. he’s mine when i have him and i will have to trust that he can handle his own life without me as he’s done in the past. he is incredibly smart and i am learning so much when we have lunches and dinners. and part of me finds that power in control of this man, a bit amusing, but it also arouses me. he is two very separate men one the door closes on his private life.
he wants me happy, he wants me to stay with him… he doesn’t want to lose me and so he is willing to do whatever i want to keep me engaged with him. it feels nice to be wanted so badly and yet still remain slightly apart from the interaction with him. i have no intention of walking away anytime soon, not that i’ve told him or eased his mind at all. i’m quite content to not search anymore and to not worry about finding someone else. i’m not ready to admit that to him.
my head and heart are not being damaged by whats developing between us and so for me it’s almost soothing to have things be so incredibly simple. it gives me impunity to be bossy, even makes it necessary, which i find dramatically different than how i run my normal life. plus, it doesn’t hurt that he is completely spoiling me and making me feel like a spoiled and favorite child. i’m pretty sure a Mommy Dom can’t also be a sugar baby, so i’ve come up with a ‘new category’ for what i am and what i am doing with him; which is being a stern, maternal type disciplinarian who gets: travel, fine dining, clothes, toys, jewelry.
for lack of a better term … I think I have to be considered a “Sugar Cane”…