Exhibit A

What my spouse fails to understand is that everything is connected and actions have consequences.

He called and left a voice mail on my birthday. It was ” Hey, Happy Birthday. Hope you have a good day”. That’s it. Nothing else. My kids did not call or message me, because of course, their father did not remind them it was my birthday. They follow his example and have learned that I am unimportant. As they are virtually adults now, I am placing the onus on them for their failure to contact me, but ultimately, their father failed to teach them that I should be contacted on my birthday, since he doesn’t. This was exceptionally hurtful.

I had to drive an hour across town, in a massive rain storm with lightening, at 10PM at night to pick him up from the airport, instead of going to bed at that time. So I was up far past my normal bedtime, simply because the flight was more convenient for him and my needs were not taken into consideration. I had to drive in very bad weather, which is stressful considering the massive traffic which occurs at the same time.

Once we get gas, pick up a couple of things at the store, drive home, I quickly walked the dogs, then we went to bed. He immediately started groping as if he was coping a feel during a high school dance. All I could think of is “fuck! are you serious?” He hadn’t even kissed me or held my hand. There was no hugging, no touching, no re-connection at all; just grope grope grope at 12:30am. He decided to dive between my thighs and start licking me. No warm up, no foreplay, just dive in and act like he is motor boating. THREE times I snapped at him to stop biting and sucking so hard on my labia, that it was beyond pressure needed even for a hickey, in a tone of voice that would have left NO doubt that I was pissed off and certainly NOT liking or enjoying what he was doing. I was not moving, I was certainly not excited by the sudden and unwanted invasion.

He had shifted his body into a sideways 69 and despite all his moaning and groaning, the evidence of his arousal level was highly apparent in his SOFT PENIS being almost inverted, now placed right in front of my face. I went from disinterest to being repulsed. What is the fucking point of pretending sexual interest if you are going to show me that you are incapable of actually having sex? I jerked back from him. “If you want to use me to fuck so you can have sex and I can get some sleep, it’s not exactly going to be possible considering your fucking inability to get hard, is it?”

I am DONE trying to be understanding of his soft penis. He refuses to seek medical attention, probably because it’s inability to get or keep an erection is psychological. Either way, I DON”T CARE! I have told him repeatedly, that if he is showing me sexual interest and he is soft, that it douses me in a shivering ice bath of cold water. It’s like dunking me into a bucked of maggots. I am repulsed and offended. I don’t want  his pathetic little dick anywhere near me. In the past he’s tried explaining his soft dick away, made up another 100 excuses. Blames me in the end. I am NOT engaging in any more of the lies he feels the need to tell about his soft dick. Just keep it the fuck away from me.

So he acts all surprised, reaches down to ‘check’ his apparent lack of erection, makes some inane comment, then leaves the bed for 10 minutes. Doing what? Who the fuck knows. Maybe he went to jerk off or message someone that he was home. I don’t care. He came back and muttered something about my not liking what he was doing. My reply was “What arouses me is an aroused man, which you obviously are not.” You would think that after months of no sex, he may have been able to get an erection. But no. Though now he can say ‘he tried’ having sex with me and I OF COURSE, rejected his stellar advance at marital sex. Poor passive aggressive, game playing, asshole who has a wife who doesn’t want sex.

So he gets back into bed, covers up and in the quiet dark of 1:30am I say, ” Oh, and thanks again for taking the time to mail me a birthday car or send me flowers or even send me a gift, like so many other people took the time to do. I know being directly across from the post office, meant you had a long way to go, so going out of your way was very appreciated. Oh, and thanks for being such a good example to the boys, that that they called their mother on her birthday…oh WAIT…neither one of those things is true, are they?”

Is it ANY wonder that there is no relationship there? ANY wonder that a man, ANY man, with a hard cock excites me? That a man who remembers my birthday or someone who buys me a gift for no reason other than he thought I would like it, ALL interest me more than the man whose FUCKING JOB it was to cherish me and be kind to me, to remember and celebrate important dates? No. That man is as useless as his dick in making me feel important or valued. The man I married stopped existing 22 years ago and the shell I am left with does nothing but leave muddy tracks from wearing dirty shoes across clean floors, leave dirty glasses on counters and cabinets and toilet seats raised over bowls filled with un-flushed pungent urine caused from not drinking enough water.

I am so glad the kids are coming back this week and can act as supervisors to our interactions, so I don’t have to spend any extra time alone with him than I have to. One day was ALL I needed to remind me of why things are the way they are between us. All he does is frustrate me because he acts like a fucking toddler I have to constantly be picking up after to ensure he doesn’t keep ruining everything. At least with kids present, I am reminded to bite my tongue and be pleasant and give clear direction and expectations on a moment to moment basis. When they aren’t here, I just want to fucking scream at him for being such a thoughtless asshole. I”M NOT YOUR FUCKING MOTHER! 

I am tired, I am cranky and I am annoyed with him as a person, as a husband and as a man. I can not imagine taking someone for granted like he does to me. His life must be filled with sugar rainbows and unicorns if he even for a single second thinks that the way he acts and the way he treats me is conducive to ANYTHING other than creating resentment or building bad feelings. I don’t even expect him to figure it out for himself. I SAY IT to him directly and it still makes NO difference at all in his actions or behaviour. He doesn’t change because the ONLY consequence he will understand is when my clothes are gone. Then all of a sudden he will understand I meant what I said.

He doesn’t even realize its too late now anyway. In his head, leaving 10 words on a voice mail for my birthday was ‘adequate’. He doesn’t get that I see his Facebook and twitter feeds. He doesn’t get that I am fully aware of how much he speaks with others and spends time acknowledging them. Somehow he feels I must be missing how much time he gives to others while ignoring any opportunity to do the same for me. I can’t believe he is truly that stupid, especially when I tell him holidays and personal events like birthdays and anniversaries are important to me, so he must be ignoring me on purpose.

Whatever…

Want to know why some women cheat? Exhibit fucking “A”.

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19 Responses to Exhibit A

  1. dragonfly918 says:

    Just like I did, by trying to be a good wife you created a monster. We are taught from childhood that our husband’s needs are paramount, even above our own, and any woman who expects more is a selfish, demanding bitch.

    They act that way because we’ve let them, for years. When I finally put my foot down, he was all “what happened?”, bewildered as a child. They treat us like their mother, because that’s the role we filled. Mine never wanted to have kids because of the financial and emotional burden that would have placed on him. But the years have taught me that he wouldn’t have wanted my attention to stray from him. It did eventually, of course; no intelligent, educated woman with any self-respect will tolerate a 50 year old child as a life partner for long.

    It’s a sad thing all around. But I’m glad to see you are getting fed up enough to say shit to him instead of swallowing it. There will come a time when you will be *done*

    • rougedmount says:

      ohhh I’ve been done for a long time..I’m just still living in the house, finishing my job as ‘mother’ as I guide teens past childhood and on the road of productivity. Part of me thinks he is ‘aware’ of the fact I am not present, but he doesn’t think he should change anything. He is much more watchful? than he’s ever been…yet even when i give him clear direction, he fails to act..and that’s what floors me the most. I’m just done being his teacher when he’s been repeating the same grade for 20 years. He obviously is incapable with me. Maybe losing me will motivate him to be a batter man for his next partner. He will take her emotional abandonment with more seriousness. Seriously though? Some people are idiots and do not deserve the people they are with.

  2. Josh says:

    Speaking as a guy here (who got dumped this year from a long relationship) the reason your Husband doesn’t listen to you or change his ways is because he’s set in them now and he’s been set in them for a long time it seems. Like you said, 22 years right? In his mind he doesn’t *NEED* to do anything, you’ll always be with him and that’s it.

    What women don’t realise is that early in the relationship is where most of the “work” is done, it’s where you lay down the foundations of your future with your boyfriend/husband. What I’m saying is, men need to be trained basically, lol. You need to drill your boundaries, expectations and conditions into them early on in the relationship (the first three years) as this is when guys are easiest to “train”, it’s when we’re really in love and would die for our girlfriends in an instant without a second thought.

    You mess up those early years and be too kind/laid back with him? Yeah, you’re not going to be in for a fun time. Obviously this isn’t all men and it can even work both ways but on the whole, yeah.

    Also, have you considered actually cheating on him? Cause I’m not trying to promote adultery here but the guy can’t even get his dick up when he’s going down on you? What the fuck? Some of my friends are the biggest morons ever who can’t do anything right but still have girlfriends because when all is said and done, they can still please them in bed. I didn’t actually think that middle-aged, dick not working stereotype was true. Scary stuff but yeah, like, even if you cheated on him and told him you did, he can’t even object, his dick doesn’t work. lol, you have needs, put the shoe on the other foot for a second here and imagine if he was horney all the time and you never put out? Do you honestly think he wouldn’t go find the nearest hooker?

    • rougedmount says:

      i certainly appreciate your comments and observations Josh..i do respectfully say that time is no real guarantee to another persons behaviors and actions. For instance..in my case? the first 5 yrs were perfectly fine.

  3. Just wow.
    Happy belated Birthday.

  4. The only bit of light I see here is that nothing stays the same. See past this mock turtle of a man. If you keep your own inner strength and personal integrity whole, you will find a better way to be you and live. No point living in the past. Now is where you are,now is where you start from. I found the path hard and rough, from THEN to NOW. Now is where I am and I am happy to be here. Remember the only thing that stays the same is that everything changes. Btw many happy returns of your special day,
    belated but , from the bottom of my heart. Not the heart of my bottom( would not be me with out a gag).

  5. Wendy says:

    Sometimes when you speak of your husband and his behaviors, it feels as though you are speaking about mine. And my birthday is September 2nd…not sure if yours is, but I assumed it is the same date as the post…?

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