So yesterday i googled information about dominatrix women, costs of a Domina, what a Dom does and ended up clicking on paths that lead to ‘fetish’ things associated with the whole ‘domination’ thing. Knowledge is power, plus as it’s not something I’ve ever had an interest in, it’s not something I was well versed in understanding. Considering my recent involvement with the ‘Submissive”, I thought some practical research seemed warranted.
My first impression of everything falls into the ‘whoa’ category. Or maybe ‘wow’. I mean, you ‘know’ that there is a world of sexual variance out there, but actually looking at how much of it exists locally( beyond the Dom one), is rather surprising to me. I HAVE to wonder what happened in a boy or mans’s sexual identification process, that created certain fetishes for him. A need for a certain circumstance to replicate itself so he can achieve and maintain arousal.
Of course the analytic side of me is having a field day with the introduction of this little/ man into my life. All I can imagine is a bunch of juvenile boys achieving an erection and ascribing what ever may be happening at the time to the said arrival of the erection and a neural pathway is formed for a sexual fetish later in life. Maybe it’s the testosterone bath their minds are taking at the same time, which ingrains the erection and event together in such a way that sexualizes it, creating a fetish.
Girls do not do this. I am sure statistics can support my statement, though I’m not going to go searching for any as ‘proof’. They can certainly develop fetishes as well, but my thought is that they are more likely to be in response to an expressed fetish of someone they are involved with as opposed to a creation of a fetish from an early age, like males are apt to do. Girls would see an apple pie and boys may see a potential masturbation partner, a la ‘American Pie”.
During my attempts at research I discovered common pricing that Dominant women charge for their time. Yes, their “time”. Most of what I read has everything to do with teasing at best, denial as an afterthought and administration of physical and mental pain as the meat and potatoes of what is served up to the men who are looking for this type of experience. Many, though not all, are looking for authoritative to super bitchy women, who belittle and demean them. They want corporeal punishment and some want comfort afterwards.
That whole concept is completely at odds with how I am as a person and as a woman. I value people and their experiences and am just as comfortable sitting on a dirty sidewalk in Haiti learning about how to fold aluminum cans as I am sitting beside a CEO of a large multi national business who is speaking about trade embargo’s. I never put anyone down and I certainly never act disparagingly towards anyone. The last time I was condescending, I may have been 14. I will not be able to be a ‘traditional’ Dominant.
I judge people who act badly in public. I consider them rude and crass. Obviously they have major issues with themselves if they have to make others feel badly in order to feel superior themselves. They are so far off my radar, that I do not associate with anyone like that. I remove them from my life as I consider them a toxic presence. Yet, the whole Domination aspect that many men find arousing is to have control taken from them and to place them in a state of control, to where they have no choices and no say. This is a foreign idea to me on a sexual level, though it’s actually part of the reality of my life as a parent.
When I was raising my children, the words ‘shut up’ were considered bad words. I never yelled or screamed and barely had to raise my voice. My kids knew when I said something, I meant it and I immediately followed through with everything I said, so there was never a power struggle and very little conflict in my house. I taught my kids to be autonomous and to think for themselves at a very young age. I taught them personal responsibility and to defend those who were weaker, either emotionally or physically, than they were. I did not use physical corrections. I only ever had to actually spank my oldest a handful of times, simply as a last resort that was used after all else failed. I was a far from perfect mother but I can say that my kids are very strong when it comes to self determination.
This has been the biggest issue I have been faced with in relation to meeting with and communicating with my submissive. I simply do not have any recent history or experience in understanding how to micro manage someone and to either sabotage or belittle their efforts at following my directive. I’m not even sure that’s the type of Dominant he needs me to be. I’ve managed up to 45 people at a time and it wasn’t my style professionally, either. I truly have to slip into a role when I am communicating with him until I understand his needs better, so I can meet them better.
I have a friend who works with a woman who is “HORRIBLE”. She is the epitome of a woman who would easily be a living breathing Dominatrix as a full measure of her existing personality. Minus the leathers she is a complete and utter bitch with no redeeming qualities. She is who I try and channel when I am with my Submissive. I have to be “her”, in between slipping back into myself. It is probably why I arouse him. Because I have a true disdain for truly submissive men in real life, that is rather hard to hide. They amuse and annoy me. Combine this with my need to be gentle, supportive and comforting, it makes me a rather interesting combination for a Dominant, maternal type figure.
Plus, lets face it, I look amazing in the 50’s style foundation garments, like sheer panties, open girdles with garters and stockings and bullet type bras. I ‘look’ the part of a classy, educated, authoritative, pearl wearing, woman. But after seeing the pricing that women charge for their presence in a mans life who needs a woman like me, I am completely wondering why I don’t get into this professionally. All of that tax free money men are eager to throw around, just waiting for someone to pick it up and buy things with it. It would be quite the supplement.