walk on

The truth is that I am sad

I am hurt

I am broken

I am pretending everything else

Shocked into neutral

Like a pool treatment

Removing algae bloom

It threatens to overwhelm me

And so I fight back

Defensively and with vigour

There are no tears

Because I am numb

I don’t have to drink

Because I learned to retreat

Deep inside myself

Where nothing can touch me

Including my own heart

Knowing I have to reach out

Accept attention and attempts

But cold to the affections

Of emotional context

Simply because I am not there

No longer present inside of my mind

Knowing how dangerous that is

And it’s why I keep pretending

When I least expect it, I shall feel

I will start to wake up and want again

Until then I keep plodding forward

Unable to see the color or joy

I surround myself with as triggers

To remind myself that beauty exists

And that all is possible

If you just believe it will be one day

It’s what survivors do best

This entry was posted in Poems, Who I am. Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to walk on

  1. 'Tis says:

    I know this place well. Hugs! xo

  2. Write it out, girl…and keep your chin up!

  3. Chris Brown (not the felon) says:

    Stop pretending. That beauty does exist. The sun will come out again and light all that which is dark right now. We are, in fact, all broken. We are human, and we will persevere.

    You are stronger than you think.

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