i gave him the family he wanted and he stopped having sex with me. my guess is he did not find post baby body attractive. he refuses to discuss or speak of anything relationship wise or sexually related. he used sex as a weapon to withhold from me. insert every excuse under the sun as to the reasons he gave to avoid it. eventually, he developed actual physical issues, not just mental ones.
he would use premature ejaculation as a way to avoid any sexual intimacy and end the interaction. once he stopped being able to get an erection or to maintain one, the rare times he did, it also served his goal to end the interaction between us. needless to say, he would not see a dr or ask for medication that would assist him, as he did not want sex with me. a soft cock ensured it.
over the last 18 months, his now compliant (and soft) cock has enabled him to once again, start coming close to me again. i can’t argue he wants sex, not when his cock is soft, can i? or argue with him to use it on me? he no longer had a reason to place pillows between us on a king sized bed. so now he will touch me again because he knows it can not lead to anything. It’s physically impossible. male touch to me, excites me. he could not touch me when i would expect some type of sexual interaction.
On top of the sexual issues, there was the vast distance between us, the lack of intimacy that over a long marriage resulted in my not trusting him. He was not and has never been there for me during the worst crisis’s of my life. 5 years ago was a breaking point and event that lead me to have an affair after 22 yrs of being faithful. i was with him for 2.5 yrs and am still friends with him 2.5 yrs later.
Once i had the affair, it meant i became a better mother and person because i was no longer sexually frustrated every day and I had someone with whom i was trusted implicitly and who was there for me to support me during difficult times. Now my husbands touch did not frustrate me. now his need to not be intimate didn’t hold power over me.
All of a sudden my marriage improved because I could finally accept the sibling type relationship he wanted between us. He would still want sex 3-4 times a year. Brief encounters lasting 3-4 minutes beginning to end and not worth the time it took to say no to. Why should I when it would cause a week of pouting and petulance? All I had to do to keep the peace was to donate 9-16 minutes of my time a YEAR and then I could do whatever I wanted. I could come and go as I pleased and live the life I wanted without him even batting an eye.
I realized I was living a single lifestyle 2.5 yrs ago. I began ‘dating’, travelling, talking openly really, though never in a vengeance type way. Surprisingly my spouse did nothing. We do NOT have an open marriage. He lives in wilful ignorance and I live as honestly as I can. There is no fighting or drama. There is no companionship or doing things together. We talk about how much milk we need or if he has an overdue bill that caused a call to the house. The only discussion he begins, is when he needs me to re-sign the mortgage papers so he can take out the equity in the house.
I met another man and was with him 1.5 yrs. It ended a year ago. This last year has been interesting/hard/ strange. I know I need another man in my life to enable me to stay married. I need to stay married as I have responsibilities I can not walk away from. I need the man I am with to be not just a sexual outlet but a mental companion. It’s asking a lot of him. I want emotional investment but the ability to keep his priorities straight in understanding that his family comes before his desire for a whole relationship with a woman; a woman who is sexually available and responsive to him. One who supports him and encourages him. A woman who understands that she is vital to his life but not above his needs to place his family and his children, as the priority.
I want the commitment that if I agree to trust someone with a sexual relationship with me, that the first time we have sex will be the first for what will be a relationship that will last a few years. I have no doubt that my abilities to keep a man sexually satisfied, will not be an issue. If my partner is a demanding giver. If his cock is of the size that is compatible with my sexual needs, then I will be able to ensure he is content and happy. That he grows into a better man and father because I help him by our time together.
One day, situations may alter the relationship which works wonderfully and we will have to have an honest, real and hard conversation about changing a functioning relationship and ending the sexual component. There will not be a casual fading of contact; there will not be anger or resentment. There will be absolute trust and truth between us and it will let us be friends long after we stop seeing each other romantically.