stable personality

i often wonder why i don’t become bitter. i mean, i look through the history of my life, and there is certainly a lot that could have driven me into becoming a bitter woman. i certainly range through a wide variety of emotions ,but i never become focused on self pity and the self hatred that are the internal calling cards of bitterness.

i don’t lash out in anger at all around me and project others failings immediately onto new people. i certainly have become wary, and once i shut someone out, they are out, but i have never developed that raging and hostile manifestation of someone who views life through fear and anger. I wonder why I don’t do that. It was certainly not a conscious decision. 

I despise the thought of being an optimist – but God forbid, what if I am?!

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12 Responses to stable personality

  1. ismeisreallyme says:

    there are worse things you could be. why does the soundtrack from grease cue up and a vision of rizzo runs through my head as I type? LOL . maybe it’s that you are a pragmatic yet romantic realist?

  2. kdaddy23 says:

    Perhaps you innately understand the futility in being bitter – it is rather pointless and without purpose to succumb to this particular emotional state. My observations of you, through your writing, suggests to me that you are an optimist… and a bit of a pessimist as well. You’re an “all or nothing” kind of person, somewhat of a realist but one that, in some situations, only see things in black and white – there’s no middle ground – and, oddly, there’s no forgiveness in your heart when someone makes a mistake with you; that kinda suggests a degree of bitterness but it’s not directed at yourself so that kinda doesn’t count toward kicking yourself in the ass. You understand much, but forgive very few things; your writings reveal the depths of your passion, the fluidity of your imagination, as well as how deep your anger and frustration can go; some of the things I’ve read has made me blink at the sheer ferocity of your words.

    If you’re not an optimist, then what are you? Easiest answer: You are who you are and life’s interactions with you have played into you becoming the type of person who has zero use for feeling bitter and, except when writing, tries to not take things out on people who didn’t give you a reason to be, well, totally pissed the fuck off.

    Man, I could write such a paper about what I’ve learned about you through your writings! Of course, I’d never do that but, ah, the real question and most important question isn’t what you are, my dear Rouged: It’s what do you want to be? It’s a tough question to answer because what you want to be and what the reality of life will make you are two very different things.

    And being bitter about anything – and even though you have more than enough reason to be – just isn’t on your list of things to do. Then there’s another pressing question: Can you do whatever needs to be done to be what you want to be? Do you want to be an optimist? A realist? Fatalistic? Pessimistic? Somewhere in between these things? Only you can find the answer to this but I’d say you are more optimistic than anything else because optimists have no use for bitterness – they can’t justify such a negative emotional state to themselves, even if they have reason.

    Just my five cents worth…

    • rougedmount says:

      perhaps i fail to be defined by my very absence of responding predictably? idea..i was thinking about it this morning..and i have no idea where the Grace has come from, but I seem to have it right now. And so I am wallowing in the smell of fresh cut grass, the gentle buzzing of bee’s and the magical sound of a thousand nesting swallows venturing out into flight from a cliff face, for the first attempts at flight.

  3. luna says:

    I have been through a lot too, more then any one person should have to bare, but I think for those of us who don’t turn out bitter, something else happens. We come to the understanding that being a victim is a choice and we CHOOSE not to be a victim. Bad shit happens, it’s life, but it’s what you do with it that determines who you really are. I refuse to be a victim, which is probably why “poor me” people grate on my nerves so badly! 😉 To me, it simply sounds like you are also refusing to be a victim, no matter what you’ve been through. I don’t think that’s a bad thing at all.

    • rougedmount says:

      … you are so right about poor me people..omg..they irritate me like little else does

      • luna says:

        Mmm hmmm! I avoid them when I can and for those rare times I can’t I spend the entire time fighting the urge to slap them upside the head and scream ‘get over it already, you have no clue!” lol

  4. I want to hold up a mirror to this…

    I’m know I’m not a bitter person, but my fucking bitch of an ex-wife sure is.

    Isn’t this the pattern of these narratives above?

    Self-acceptance must better than self-denial, right?

    • rougedmount says:

      self acceptance is the only way you can have a good have to live with yourself and if you grow from your experiences, then you become a better person.

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