I did not ask to come before his wife or family, did not ask to be placed before social obligations or career. I know exactly where I wanted to be, and needed to be, to be the support he told me that he needed from me and the light for him to reach towards, to make his life better. I would have been uncomplicated and easy. My ONLY request was that he be honest about his struggle when faced with the reality of having an affair. That he was going to struggle was a KNOWN fact for me…I made him aware of it and he assured me that he was willing to be honest. He wasn’t. Not for one minute.
The moment he was faced with the reality of having sex, he ran, he bailed, he lashed out and he damaged me. He panicked like a drowning swimmer instead of remembering his extensive training and he submerged me, drowned me, on his climb up for air, in order to save himself just so he could continue to flail all alone on the surface in hopes of someone else eventually showing up to rescue him. All he succeeded in doing was killing the one person who chose to jump in and save him, who knew the path to bring us both safely to shore, if he has just calmed down and trusted me.