I am not going to let him throw his chemical mess of pheromones all over my body and have me reinvest with him, in a place that is on shaky and unstable grounds. The biology between us is electric but he is damaged. He has been hurt brutally by every woman in his past and he doesn’t know how to bond with a woman. He can’t. Hearing how he has changed, telling me about how he is growing and what it means to him, admitting his faults and fears, is drawing me back into his life. I can’t let it. I refuse to.
I am not going to let him mess this up for me. The man I have chosen to be in my life now, is a good man, a gracious man. His issues are minor and I am just starting down the path of knowing him and understanding him. He has to be given the opportunity to show who he is and what he wants to become, while he is with me. My biggest fear, is that I shall hurt him unintentionally. He is far too wonderful to be exposed to anything negative from our interaction and I will try to provide him with the experience he so richly deserves.
I did not expect to find the level of trust and security I feel, not just when I am with him, but the time when I am not. He communicates with me on such a steady and regular basis that it makes things far easier than I ever expected them to be. I enjoy how he makes me feel. I am not just a physical conquest for him, he is endeavoring to create an emotional bond with me. It feels romantic and special, he makes me feel cherished and important to him. He seals his attention with a sexual compatibility that has surprised and impressed me.
My future looks promising, because I have a clear course ahead of me and the support of a wonderful man who I believe was meant to be in my life to help me heal and move forward with living. How I shall impact his life, is yet to be seen, though I can sense many aspects that will be touched, based on what we have talked about already.