old lover…wants to be back in my life…and i have seriously thought about it. just thinking about him makes me tingle from head to toe, with a lot of that sexual awareness and attention centered in my middle. if i was just going to have a sexual relationship with someone, then why not choose to do it with someone with whom i have had the best sex i have ever had? it would be as simple as picking up the phone, checking availability to arrange for sex then no contact until the next time.
new ‘almost’ lover…SWEET man. the anti bad boy. he is offering me a sexual and emotional relationship. he is the rational choice based on complete and total compatibility, on every single level. initially, i would be in control, i would make the rules, i would teach him how to be a good lover, how to sort through his emotions, how to get joy back into his life. he is the classic ‘nice guy’ who has done all the right things, played by the rules, done what was expected of him and followed the path laid out for him.
solid. dependable. predictable. eager to learn. grateful to experience my colourful word. disbelieving that he has an opportunity to experience the other side of life he was prevented from exploring because of his obligations and reserved nature. he loves my energy and my personality. he loves every single thing about me and holds me as the shining example of all those people in his past who lived with passion and fire while he sat on the sidelines in fear of being noticed or made fun of.
i bring balance to his life by making him live just far enough outside of his comfort zone that he feels alive for the first time in his adult life. i challenge him and he is not used to it and loves it. i can keep up with him and he appreciates it. we have a shorthand on how we communicate, seeming to understand the unspoken words of the other by what IS said.
he is giving me the stability of nature that i need to anchor me, so i can fly freely and i am giving him the gift of soaring for both of us, so he can gain pleasure through the tautness of the strings that connect us while he watches my flight. it is a perfect symbiotic relationship of people who are on the surface very different and yet inside are completely compatible.
i value him. everything about him. he is good for me because he brings me peace, calmness and understanding. i do not have to explain myself as he seems to knows preternaturally what i am. there is an instinctive measure of knowledge between us, that defies the length of time we have actually known each other. he hears my unspoken words and he soothes me before i allow them to form into anything substantive. the rarity of someone being able to do that for me is overwhelming to me.
sexually we have chemistry and while he is not the demanding, confidant, sexually overpowering type of man that i need to be my sexual match, he is certainly someone open to experiencing all aspects of his repressed sexuality. there is potential there in him to express that side of his nature, if he is allowed a safe environment to discover his actual preferences, as opposed to what he is simply allowed to have. inspiring him to reach that potential excites me.
because he stands to gain so much sexual interaction and experience from me, i have been placed on a goddess pedestal and he is supplicating himself upon the alter of my womb and breast. to say i feel he values me, is an understatement. I am the deity he has chosen to worship and he is eagerly awaiting tutelage on how to please me. i feel priceless beyond measure.
he is eager to become a prized student and then to take over the role of teacher. his only motive is that he become the exact sexual partner, in his words, “that i need, want and deserve” to have in my life. he is a driven and successful man in real life and i have no doubt that his plan of action will be followed through with, once he gains the confidence from access to a willing and open minded partner.
BOTH were and are borrowed …neither are mine and I can’t be their’s fully either. all of us have priority commitments that lay elsewhere and with other people. there is no comparison between the two men as they are as different as night is from day. one broke my heart and is asking for another chance while the other is trusting me to protect his.
it’s not even a close call between them…the man who gets me, is the one who deserves me and who values me. the one who is making me smile instead of being responsible for my tears. people belong in your past for a reason and you have to remember to keep them where they belong, so you can go forward to where you want to be. truly, one of the easiest decisions i have ever had to make. my new lover will take possession on friday.