unwanted contact

I have no idea what I am doing. I don’t have a stupid plan and things are not going how I thought. I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to discuss anything with him. I don;t want to answer his questions. I don’t give a shit about his life or his kids or his family or his job. Or or or or.

It doesn’t matter. Nothing matters. He lies. He’s self serving. He just doesn’t know that I know that. And I am blind. Blinded by my old feelings. I have zero perspective. None. Nada. Zero. Zilch.

So what. He was opportunistic. He was a pig. He went after what he wanted and said and did what he needed to in order to get it. So? When did that become a crime? It isn’t. It just makes him a callous asshole.

Haters hate. Liars lie. Cheaters cheat.

Ignore the fucking emails. Delete the account. Move on after you throw up your feelings into a garbage can. There can be no resolution to something that had no answers, no truth. Perspective has been altered so dramatically that there is no chance of my being reasonable, let alone appear sane.

All I am right now is disorganized chaos and unreasonable conclusions. I am being hyper reactionary to everything inside of my environment and it’s driving me crazy, giving me a headache and making me want to lash out against stupidity.

This entry was posted in Relationships and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to unwanted contact

  1. John says:

    My heart aches for you as you pour yours out. I do hope it is a healing for “Y O U”. Thanks for your courage.

  2. Pingback: A bit raw ~ thanks rougedmount | Ritual of Desecration

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