hidden words

Lost words

Hidden somewhere in my computer

On a document I named something obsequious

And non descript

So as not to reveal its contents

Searching for them has proven futile

Time wasted

I am sure they will appear at the most

Inconvenient and inopportune moment

Like when showing someone a presentation

I used to live in fear of their loss

Until I had a systems failure

And no back up

Losing 6 years worth of writing

The stomach dropping

Nausea inducing

Realization

Allowed me to let go

And made me realize words are nothing

If not read by someone else

To linger in organized memory

Individual words may be forgotten

But their feeling of an experience

Remembered

I used to think I wrote for myself

And when this happened

My epiphany was that I wrote to be heard

The record of my life is a silent one

Because of my preference to be private

My fears disallowing others inside

The need for quality over quantity

Placing me as an outsider

Writing allows me to purge

The meanness or anger

The negative

Without hurting the people who inspired it

It allows me time to order the politically correct

The socially acceptable

And present my responsible and neutral side

To people who may be too dense to understand sarcasm

Or the gentle play on words I use for self amusement

Passionate responses make others uncomfortable

Raw emotions tend to make them shrink in fear

People like order and sameness

Like white sheep bleating on a hillside

It allows society to function

Progressively mundane

So everyone remains comfortable

I can write a thousand versions of the same thing

And all will be influenced

By the arbitrary feelings of the moment

My history is fluid

Depending on when I chronicle the events

Which is why capturing moments with words

Is the same as taking a photograph

Emotions captured by lines and swirls

Organized letters

Validating my existence

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4 Responses to hidden words

  1. Ned's Blog says:

    Eloquently stated and so very true. Words are definitely like a photograph, but infinitely more personal because of the source of composition. A photograph captures a moment in time usually between others; words capture a moment in time within ourselves. And like a photographer’s choice of sunsets, though the subject matter may be the same, what is captured is always unique depending on where the source of light is coming from, and what clouds are on the horizon.

  2. Writing is deeply personal, and a great outlet for giving those emotions a walk outside of your head.

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