save yourself

My advice to newly married people who are struggling with the sudden lack of sex in your relationship, after you get married. Do not waste years of your life in a sexless marriage, because when it comes down to it, it’s not really about sex anyway. It’s about a passive aggressive response to an intimacy void within the marriage that your partner will not be able to overcome, unless they admit they have an issue and then focus all of their energy into the therapy they will need to overcome it.

I know you love them, but you can’t fix them, and I promise you things are going to get worse and it will change who you are completely to be constantly rejected by the person you love. Have the confrontational talk with them at a marriage counselor’s office and put a plan of action into place to help them overcome their child hood traumas which has created this dichotomy in your partner. If they fail to follow through with what they need to do, for themselves and for your marriage, then you MUST initiate divorce proceedings in order to save yourself from the trauma that is going to come after 5-10 years of you living as a co-dependent to your partner, enabling them to continually abuse you by withholding their physical intimacies from you. 

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14 Responses to save yourself

  1. Ned's Blog says:

    So very true, and something that won’t just go away on its own; however, it will leave you feeling alone — the complete opposite of why you chose to sped your life with someone. If they aren’t willing to invest in you by investing in themselves, it’s time to sell your stock in the relationship before you lose everything; including yourself.

    • rougedmount says:

      and once you realize you have lost yourself, it is the worst feeling in the world because you know you were complicit in your own destruction by accepting the situation. there is strength you need to stay and strength you need to leave and depending on your situation and your personality, it will lead you down a very different path than you expected.

      • Ned's Blog says:

        In my case, and I’m sure this isn’t unique, I truly had no idea how much of myself I had lost until I was left with no choice but to find myself again for the sake of my children. That’s when the realization struck, and I went from demoralized to determined — and soon after, rediscovered.

  2. sparkles4m says:

    So true. Here i am it will be twenty six years of marriage soon. He is hopeless.

    • rougedmount says:

      it is sad that a lifetime passed at an impasse

      • sparkles4m says:

        Yes. Here i am still trying to decide what to do. There is someone who wants me that i would probably be very happy with, but i just need to wait a while longer to be sure it is right. But it gets extremely lonely here, even when he is home. Very sad i have spent so many years of my life here. It’s odd when there is someone there and you still feel so alone. xx

  3. dragonfly918 says:

    This is why I think it’s such BULLSHIT to guilt people into waiting until after marriage to have sex. Sexual compatibility is so important! For both parties! Just as you and I have suffered for years with men with no libido, it’s just as stupid to expect a man with a high libido to put up with no sex from his wife and then get crucified for straying.

    Of course there may be medical reasons for losing ones libido, but then there’s for to be some sort of cultural acceptance of looking elsewhere. When our favorite restaurant closes down do we not go somewhere else? Or out of loyalty should we sit at the door and beg it to open up again?! It’s insane.

    • rougedmount says:

      i also do not believe in celibacy before marriage. knowing how to please a partner and knowing you are compatible is exceptionally important. medical reasons for lack of sex drive need to be addressed by the couple. stay and accept no sex or stay and have a surrogate sex partner.

  4. Well said. I wish I had the courage 10 years ago!

  5. mckismeisreallyme says:


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