There comes a point in time, that if a man has not been married (red flag), a woman views him with suspicion. He has not taken a leap of faith and tried to make a complicated union called ‘marriage’ work. He has never had to negotiate between families and holidays or to make collaborative decisions. He has not felt the change that occurs when you move from a long term relationship into marriage.
And all a woman can think of, is why not?
Is he that afraid to commit that he avoided being in love?
Is he that picky, he could find no one who seemed compatible?
Was he hurt by someone and failed to work out his issues so he could move on?
Is he selfish and unable to put another’s needs before his own?
Was he waiting for ‘the right one’ and set expectations so high she would be impossible to find?
When a man reaches this ‘certain point’ and he is single AND childless (HUGE red flag) it tends to send 1000 assumptions directly into any woman’s brain who is of an age with him and looking for a potential partner. Having no children is as colossally horrible as having 7. How can you possibly trust a man who has never gone through the warfare of raising little children and come through the other side intact? He is untested and untried. Nothing the man has done in his life is equal to saying he has raised children to school age. He has no experience to bring to your children and it makes him a poorly qualified candidate for a relationship.
Ever parent in the world understands this comment. Have all the nieces and nephews you want. It’s not the same. The only woman interested in a man with no kids is a woman with no kids herself, so they can both run off and think only about themselves and their relationship. Ultimately, they will think about the dog they acquire and immediately start to ‘humanize’ and treat like a child and call it their ‘fur baby’, making all their friends who have kids, barf in their mouths a little bit, every time they hear it.
There comes a point in a mans life, where he is no longer responsible because he is single and childless, but selfish and immature because of the status. It is like a man having a 3 yr old child at 47 and not being with the child’s mother. (sad red flag). Once a woman see’s you have never been able to maintain a successful relationship or sacrifice for a child, then you become a permanent bachelor in their eyes, who likes to play the sexual field and can not be trusted. You are probably a narcissist or suffer from sexual depravity or other psychological conditions. You probably keep your socks on during sex. Women make grand assumptions and really do not care to find out the truth about your situation.
The point is, your story no longer matters as you are judged in accordance with the masses of men who DO fall into these categories. Women simply do not want to invest in you. They don’t want to hear you profess how you are different or that your reason’s for being single and childless were sound. They write you off instantly. Dismissed. The next time your status won’t matter, will be in another 15 years when those women have grown children. This is because you become a peripheral addition to her life and your inclusion won’t impact anyone in her family or social circle.
The only thing that mitigates this is if you suffered and egregious and tragic loss. The loss could be of a person, place or thing, but is ultimately a sad story making us want to nurture you and be the heroine in the love story of your life.
I’m not telling men to go out and find someone to knock up so you can prove your future stability to a woman you don’t even know yet. I am telling you that if you think you are single, financially secure, have no kids and are 40-50 and you have trouble finding women to date you, it’s because you are single, 40-50 years old and have no kids. And it’s no longer seen as positive. The reality is, you are in the same group of men women will place you in: those who have been divorced 5 times or have 4 kids with 3 different women.
So you better have one hell of a good story as to why you never got married and never had any kids, or you better start accepting you have pretty limited options for the next 10 years. Do the math.