throw backs

There comes a point in time, that if a man has not been married (red flag), a woman views him with suspicion. He has not taken a leap of faith and tried to make a complicated union called ‘marriage’ work. He has never had to negotiate between families and holidays or to make collaborative decisions. He has not felt the change that occurs when you move from a long term relationship into marriage.

And all a woman can think of, is why not?

Is he that afraid to commit that he avoided being in love?

Is he that picky, he could find no one who seemed compatible?

Was he hurt by someone and failed to work out his issues so he could move on?

Is he selfish and unable to put another’s needs before his own?

Was he waiting for ‘the right one’ and set expectations so high she would be impossible to find?

When a man reaches this ‘certain point’ and he is single AND childless (HUGE red flag) it tends to send 1000 assumptions directly into any woman’s brain who is of an age with him and looking for a potential partner. Having no children is as colossally horrible as having 7. How can you possibly trust a man who has never gone through the warfare of raising little children and come through the other side intact? He is untested and untried. Nothing the man has done in his life is equal to saying he has raised children to school age. He has no experience to bring to your children and it makes him a poorly qualified candidate for a relationship.

Ever parent in the world understands this comment. Have all the nieces and nephews you want. It’s not the same. The only woman interested in a man with no kids is a woman with no kids herself, so they can both run off and think only about themselves and their relationship. Ultimately, they will think about the dog they acquire and immediately start to ‘humanize’ and treat like a child and call it their ‘fur baby’, making all their friends who have kids, barf in their mouths a little bit, every time they hear it.

There comes a point in a mans life, where he is no longer responsible because he is single and childless, but selfish and immature because of the status. It is like a man having a 3 yr old child at 47 and not being with the child’s mother. (sad red flag). Once a woman see’s you have never been able to maintain a successful relationship or sacrifice for a child, then you become a permanent bachelor in their eyes, who likes to play the sexual field and can not be trusted. You are probably a narcissist or suffer from sexual depravity or other psychological conditions. You probably keep your socks on during sex. Women make grand assumptions and really do not care to find out the truth about your situation.

The point is, your story no longer matters as you are judged in accordance with the masses of men who DO fall into these categories. Women simply do not want to invest in you. They don’t want to hear you profess how you are different or that your reason’s for being single and childless were sound. They write you off instantly. Dismissed. The next time your status won’t matter, will be in another 15 years when those women have grown children. This is because you become a peripheral addition to her life and your inclusion won’t impact anyone in her family or social circle.

The only thing that mitigates this is if you suffered and egregious and tragic loss. The loss could be of a person, place or thing, but is ultimately a sad story making us want to nurture you and be the heroine in the love story of your life.

I’m not telling men to go out and find someone to knock up so you can prove your future stability to a woman you don’t even know yet. I am telling you that if you think you are single, financially secure, have no kids and are 40-50 and you have trouble finding women to date you, it’s because you are single, 40-50 years old and have no kids. And it’s no longer seen as positive. The reality is, you are in the same group of men women will place you in: those who have been divorced 5 times or have 4 kids with 3 different women.

So you better have one hell of a good story as to why you never got married and never had any kids, or you better start accepting you have pretty limited options for the next 10 years. Do the math.

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10 Responses to throw backs

  1. dragonfly918 says:

    I can totally see your point, and I have made those judgements myself. But marriage and children are not for everyone. And aren’t we lucky nowadays that we are afforded that freedom, where before, especially for us women, we did not have a choice, and the lifelong burden of children were thrust upon us, whether we wanted them or not.

    I am childless by choice. Selfish? Maybe. Or a choice made because I would have been a terrible parent and chose not to screw up another person.

    • rougedmount says:

      i respect and admire your choice. what i respect even more is that you can stand behind your decision. what drives me INSANE is listening to someone sprout off all the reasons they choose to remain childless by choice, making snide remarks about the number of children you have and implying how irresponsible it is and how ecologically and morally it is irresponsible to bring more lives into the world…to have that person change their tune years later and state their choice was actually because they were infertile because of a medical condition they invented and never existed.

      some people should not be parents.if people recognize this facet in themselves, i fully support it. i would also like to pint out though that if people choose to not have kids, then getting into a relationship with a person who DOES have them, simply makes no sense at all…

      • dragonfly918 says:

        There will always be douchebags and trolls on the planet lol.

        I do sometimes regret my choice but not often–mostly for selfish reasons, similar to those that people HAVE children: there would always be someone who loves me. But that’s a myth. And a crap shoot.

        One thing I think is worse than a person who doesn’t want kids, getting into a relationship with kids, is the person who does want kids getting into a relationship with someone who doesn’t, thinking they’ll change their minds, and then wonder about the acrimonious separation. I’ve seen it happen.

        I personally would not mind at all being in a committed relationship where there are adult children. It’s the snot nosed knee biters that I find awful. 😉

      • rougedmount says:

        which is why i said a man looking for a woman may have to wait another 10-15 years for a woman to be in the position SHE wants to be in, unless she is also single and childless by choice.

  2. ContactRida says:

    kids smids. who cares! why is everyone so interested in other people’s reproductive organs? it’s none of anyone’s business what he/she chooses to do reproductively in his/her lifetime. i would snatch George Clooney up in a second if he would have me and he wasn’t retarded. the george zimmermans and the michael dunns of the world were once children. hitler was a child too. so lets stop thinking the problem with the world is men and women not popping out babies. the problem with this world is good people doing nothing while evil runs rampant.

  3. Ouch! Someone piss you off? It’s not all being invested in or investing time in bringing up a family. A man can walk alone and have no need or want for these. Red flag warnings are for your kind of woman but its big old green light for another kind: the lonely married one.
    There are women is this world who have had children, the family of nieces and nephews etc. They have a home, a husband, a lifestyle and all that goes with it – they just need something on the side… AND THEY DEFINITELY DON’T WANT A MAN TO RUIN IT.
    What better man than the one who has no need to stay. They woo each other like lovers do, make eyes at each other and play footsies under the table. Signals are given, a word or two validates intention, they go away to play and they kiss each other goodnight and the end of it, heading off in opposite directions with no plans to meet again. It’s a perfect match and everyone’s happy including the unknown, unseen husband. -A

  4. Within the last 2 years, I’ve been separated and going through a divorce. I’ve seen what’s out there, and as you’ve said — any guy who’s older than me, never been married, and/or doesn’t have kids — are all red flags. I started realizing that the men who fell under this category were either a little too immature for my taste, saw themselves as players (when they had nothing to offer), and/or were just too selfish/entitled for me to care to deal with. I’m not saying all are like that, but for the most part — that has been my experience. And you know what? That’s fine if that’s the life they want to lead, but most times it’s not. I’ve had a few confess that they didn’t want to die alone, or they feared that no one would even know or missed them if something had happened to them in their own home like a stroke… and yet, they gravitate towards the very behaviors that make them unattractive to the opposite sex. It’s kind of sad, really… I guess we’re all just looking for that special someone, and sometimes Mr Right is really just Mr Right-for-the-Night, until the next one comes along and we hope that maybe this time, this one will be Mr Right-for-Life.

    • rougedmount says:

      the player wanna be’s make me smile…by the time they get to mid 40’s to mid 50’s and actually think they look and act 10 years younger, i just feel sad for them. such a large majority of the ‘single never married no kids’ are that way because they seem to have an inability to connect emotionally – it’s all about them! their needs, their concerns. Their ideal partner is someone on the same page as they are because they are a separate species from men who value relationships

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