sexual sabotage

A very good friend of mine sent me a link to an article he had read and once I opened it I was transfixed by the truth of what I was reading. It is written by a male with a female perspective on how to handle a man in a relationship. It is powerful because time after time when you talk to men, or read any of the blogs dealing with cheating, the reasons they are looking to cheat, needing to cheat or are resigned to cheating, are found in this article and are repeated over and over.

It all comes back to one of the main points I hold firmly in place: it is expected that in a marriage the sexual relationship is defined by the person with the lowest sex drive. They decide when and if sex will occur and there are no negotiations allowed. I believe this sexual sabotage is unfair and abusive to the other partner; this article supports my premise and it applies to either gender who act as the sole proprietor to what should have been a company decision, in regards to the sexual health of a marital union.

I believe a person has the right to say no to sex within a marriage and have that choice be respected with the expectation that the partner stay faithful,  just as long as it is not a habitual choice. If sexual denial and deflection becomes a pattern then I believe the withholding of sex becomes abusive and a means of psychological control and manipulation, which I find as abhorrent as forcing someone to have sex, simply because you are married or in a long term relationship.

If women want to know “why” men cheat, they need to read this article and decide if they can see any aspect of their marriage inside of it. It is so easy to live in denial of your own actions and how they impact others. Many women do many of the things this article talk about and are completely unaware or accepting of the fact they do it, even when faced with the clear evidence that it is exactly how they act! Yet when written so clearly in this fashion, it is almost impossible to believe that everything a person does, that breaks down the very sexual foundation that brought a couple together,  is not premeditated.

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6 Responses to sexual sabotage

  1. kdaddy23 says:

    I just read the article and, wow, that hits home on so many levels for a whole lot of men – and it can be applied to women as well. It’s dastardly and underhandedly controlling… and then because people do this in some form or another they wonder why their partner’s cheating on them.

    Hmm, I wonder why…

    • rougedmount says:

      denial of actions is a powerful thing in some people..but once you see this for what it changes a relationship at it’s very core and once that happens, it truly is a Pandora’s box. you do not forget this type of betrayal, even if you decide to stay married.

  2. Chris says:

    There’s a business book titled: “How Come Every Time I get Stabbed in the Back My Own Fingerprints are on the Knife?” It’s true of not only workplace relationships, but also romantic and sexual ones as well. I think the title sums things up well. It isn’t always, but when we look back and try not to feel hurt but to learn from what’s just happened with an eye toward better future outcomes, we see truth in this.

    Lately, in discussions with friends about past relationships, someone will say something very uncharitable about the woman I was with at the time. That’s never what I’m seeking, so I usually shut down that kind of talk by observing that on my own worst day I’ve never been worse than any of the women I loved on their worst days. I’m as responsible as they are for every failure.

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