A very good friend of mine sent me a link to an article he had read and once I opened it I was transfixed by the truth of what I was reading. It is written by a male with a female perspective on how to handle a man in a relationship. It is powerful because time after time when you talk to men, or read any of the blogs dealing with cheating, the reasons they are looking to cheat, needing to cheat or are resigned to cheating, are found in this article and are repeated over and over.
It all comes back to one of the main points I hold firmly in place: it is expected that in a marriage the sexual relationship is defined by the person with the lowest sex drive. They decide when and if sex will occur and there are no negotiations allowed. I believe this sexual sabotage is unfair and abusive to the other partner; this article supports my premise and it applies to either gender who act as the sole proprietor to what should have been a company decision, in regards to the sexual health of a marital union.
I believe a person has the right to say no to sex within a marriage and have that choice be respected with the expectation that the partner stay faithful, just as long as it is not a habitual choice. If sexual denial and deflection becomes a pattern then I believe the withholding of sex becomes abusive and a means of psychological control and manipulation, which I find as abhorrent as forcing someone to have sex, simply because you are married or in a long term relationship.
If women want to know “why” men cheat, they need to read this article and decide if they can see any aspect of their marriage inside of it. It is so easy to live in denial of your own actions and how they impact others. Many women do many of the things this article talk about and are completely unaware or accepting of the fact they do it, even when faced with the clear evidence that it is exactly how they act! Yet when written so clearly in this fashion, it is almost impossible to believe that everything a person does, that breaks down the very sexual foundation that brought a couple together, is not premeditated.