cuckold fantasy to fact

I have been thinking a lot about a fellow author and his wife, who he blogs with, in the last week. My accidental discovery of his blog in September has played a pivotal role in how my thought process has changed, is changing, in regards to my relationship with my husband. I feel like after years of being mired in mud, that after following his blog now for these past few months, I have for the first time, in years, actually gained some traction and there has been forward progress in my marriage.

I thought I had tried everything, in regards to ‘fixing’ issues my spouse had when it came to matters of a sexual nature. The biggest failure I can determine as to why they did not work for me initially, is that while I may have ‘tried’ I did not understand the thought process behind them. I neither appreciated the commitment I needed to devote to it nor did I truly understand the reasons why my commitment to the new normal, was imperative to its success.

Plus, on a larger scale I neither believed, accepted nor wanted ‘my role’ in the type of relationship that would work for my spouse. While I am making it work, it is working; I find that I am fundamentally opposed to how it makes me feel on many levels. I am responding to my husband’s basic sexual need and in turn I am being rewarded by a sexual relationship that has somewhat increased in frequency. It comes no where close to meeting ‘my’ needs but I can not deny it IS progress.

Lucky for him, I am a sexual chameleon and can acclimatize to the needs of the man I am with and reflect his exact desires back to him in a manner that is authentic and real. I become an exact model of his sexual fantasies and make it seem as if it is my actual nature, as opposed to something contrived and to which I have adapted to. The only actual problem, is that in providing for his sexual needs I give up my own, and that was not something I have been able to do, graciously, over the lifetime of our marriage.

I finally feel like I understand why the traditional form of sexuality inside a relationship does not work, after 27 years of marriage. Why monogamy to someone who is not your sexual match, simply can not work, even if you compromise to make certain aspects of it work. I know why it’s not sustainable for me and it makes me realize how some relationships would then be vulnerable to an affair years before anyone actually understood the reasons behind why it happened in the first place.

My husband is a cuckold; though if you were to ask him he would deny it vehemently. I believe the pathology of how he became that way was a combination of things: youngest child very close in birth age to his siblings; an uneducated and over bearing mother; heavy involvement in male-centric sports, all resulting in no sexual involvement as a teen and finally meeting ‘me’ and having me pursue him until he caught me, regardless of how he may have felt about the matter.

I truly believe that the version of me he met and fell in love with, laid the final groundwork to him being a cuckold. Looking back at how our relationship started, I really did not give him any chance whatsoever to tell me a sexual relationship between us was not an option. I wanted him, I meant to have him and his opinion needed to come to terms with my desire to have him sexually. He was and is the complete package of what I find sexually desirable in a man, at first glance.

To say that I was very demanding would have been an understatement. I was sexually experienced and had been very sexually active from a very young age. When I met my husband for the first time, I was overcome with the need to have him in my life. I could neither stay away from him nor explain my instant reaction to his presence. He was a 6’ft 4 260 lb, mass of solid muscle, wide shoulders, massive thighs, high tight ass, thick dark hair and beautiful green eyes. To say he was attractive, in the most deliciously masculine male way, would be accurate. I lusted for him instantly.

Yet I also felt like I had just met someone I had always known and I could not stay away from him. I needed him immediately more than I had ever imagined needing anyone. It was love and lust, remembrance and acceptance, all at first sight. Meeting him was a physiological and emotional memory and it burst over me during the exchange of our very first glance. It actually took my breath away and the friends who were with us when we met, all saw it and remarked on it. It has only ever happened twice to me and this was the first time.

I should also mention that when I met my husband, how I looked may have been a major factor into planting the seeds of for him being a cuckold as well. I was on the varsity soccer team, was very athletic and I had a perfect bubble butt and incredibly perfectly muscled thighs and calves. My waist was 18 inches and my breasts were an enormous 34 GGG . While I am only 5ft 2, my measurements looked like I was a manufactured, sensual doll. Not only did I look like the fictional cartoon character  Jessica Rabbit, I moved like her. Gracefully movements, throaty feminine bedroom voice that distracted men and women alike.

The male attention I generated just through the routine of my day, was enormous. I could never get away from the attention and my tom boy abilities combined with how I looked, made me the center of attention no matter what I did. There had never been a time I could remember that men had not wanted me and that how I looked was not an issue for how other women perceived me. I was a powerfully sexual looking woman with a reputation created from the misconceptions and rumours spun from jealousy and I focused all of that onto a man who had no experience or method to deal with me.

I am sure that in his mind I was a voracious sex kitten who was being satisfied by multiple men and had chosen him to add to my stable as a permanent partner. He was never jealous of the attention other men gave me, which was signifigant; I can now see it aroused him to be in possession of something they had wanted or may have had. Besides our youthfulness and natural vigor, I am sure now that this was the driving force behind our incredibly satisfying sex life.

His male competitiveness to keep me satisfied was triggered every single day from the simple fact that other men continued to pursue me heavily, even in front of him. This is something that my fellow blogger talks about in detail on his blog “lovesmallpenis” and it’s what finally triggered me to think about how my own marriage actually formed, back when everything worked for us sexually, for the first 5 years we were together.

I have been incorporating many things I have read about in his blog, over the last few months, into the day to day mechanics of my marriage. Most have worked to invoke change like I have not seen in the relationship before though some have failed hugely and resulted in set backs. The biggest challenge I face with him is communication. He will not speak of ANYTHING of a sexual nature…ever. I get no feedback or acknowledgement from him in anyway that this is what he wants or needs.

I simply base my success or failure on his immediate reaction and subsequent moods to what I have said or done. I do not agree with this in principle. To be honest I abhor it and resent him for making me try and figure his sexual needs and desires out on my own. Because it pisses me off, there are times where I am looking to trigger his reaction, any reaction, and I have said things I would have previously considered mean and then I end up getting a sexual reaction from him. This would have confused and upset me, had I not had access to the road map Steve’s blog had provided me with.

When my spouse starts making excuses as to why there will be no sex or intimacy that evening, starting at 2 pm; going on about how tired he is going to be tonight and how he is going to go to bed early or how he has a big day ahead of him tomorrow, one of the things I have quipped as I go about preparing dinner or cleaning or what ever it was I was doing is, “I don’t need to hear your lame excuses for choosing not having sex with me, I don’t care since I spent all day yesterday fucking another man, anyway. I’m good”. BOOM…all of a sudden he is now interested in sex.

I advise him in a variety of ways that his sexual services are no longer needed, as I have been taken care of already. I ask him if he can massage my ass and thighs as they are sore from being so deliciously used from fucking another man, who was very well hung,  for several hours yesterday. I ask if he can you rub my shoulders and neck because they are tired from giving a man with a huge cock an hour long blow job earlier that day. It doesn’t matter what I ask him for, I try to turn it into a sexual reference as to why I am looking for something non sexual from him. It is amazing that it is working.

I think the responsibility for solely satisfying me was too much of a burden for him to carry and so he withdrew from the role entirely. When he believed himself to be simply a selection I added from the ‘a la carte menue’ of men I obviously had at my beck and call, he was happy to think that his inclusion met some of my needs, not all of them. Once he felt the weight of commitment to be my singular source for pleasure, I think he felt overwhelmed simply by virtue of my sexual nature.

Once I started openly responding to, acknowledging and stating my reasons for being absent from home, it seemed to have triggered his competitive streak in that he is paying more attention to me; he is being more present in my life and being more intimate even though he is mostly incapable of being more sexual. I am allowing him to service my non sexual needs only, allowing him to be denied sexual gratification, allowing him access to touch me non sexually when he chooses to, all without making demands on him that he service the arousal he generates in me sexually because other men are doing that for him. I let him know it and he seems to like this.

The fact was that when I ‘was’ being taken care of sexually by another man (which was over 10 months ago), my husbands touch did not piss me off. It pissed me off because it aroused me and I knew he would not take care of my sexual needs and that would lead me into a horrible state of frustrated arousal. Yet, if I had spent 6 hours in bed with my lover and had cum 10 times, my husbands touch later that day was welcomed, as I no longer was looking for it to be a sexual encounter, as my needs had been met that day.

This idea that your sexual needs can be taken care of by a man who is not your husband, is a very hard thing for a monogamous and faithful woman to wrap their head around by the way. It’s not what I signed up for when I married him because I find my husband very sexually appealing. He is a constant source of arousal for me and so to not have him touch me sexually, triggers a constant series of emotional baggage to be thrown under my feet, making me stumble as I try to negotiate my way around them. Plus it makes me resent him. I feel cheated out of the sexual marriage I feel I was promised based on the first 5 years we were together.

So, even while I journey forward on a path of him being a cuckold, we do not walk together sharing the experience. We may be walking in the same direction, heading towards the same destination, but we are not on the same path. This is HIS sexual journey, even though he is in denial about it, and not mine. Mine lays ahead of me at a crossroads to his. What I need from sexual interaction with a man is fundamentally in opposition to what he can give to a woman and at this point I wonder if it can be complimentary or if it has to be separate.

The lack of communication in my marriage has been detrimental to the sexual honesty a successful relationship needs to thrive. If being a cuckold excites you then you have to be honest with your partner and provide her a map of things to do, say and experience so she understands your commitment to the marriage and to have your sexual and emotional needs met by the person you have created a life with. If she feels you are withholding from her, she will not trust what you are telling her in regards to seeking pleasure elsewhere. It will be viewed as a marital kamikaze move towards future divorce.

Most women are intuitive and know something is not right sexually if you are withholding a large portion of who you are, even if they can’t pinpoint it. Though some are completely clueless and want to remain that way. Most will do anything they feel is necessary to make their marriage work and that begins with a discussion about needs. By not giving them an opportunity to speak openly, by refusing to communicate, you are doing the marriage and the woman a disservice. Your spouse is the single most important person in your life and this IS the type of thing you need to trust them with.

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45 Responses to cuckold fantasy to fact

  1. Ned's Blog says:

    This was brilliant, beginning to end. You’re husband is very fortunateto to have someone willing to put that much thought, consideration, effort and self sacrifice into their marriage and intimacy. The realizations you’ve made are a reflection of your character as a woman and a partner. I applaud you for what you are doing and for who you are.

    • rougedmount says:

      i am a work in progress, grateful that at least ‘someone’ see’s my effort and i greatly appreciate both your insight and comments. i shall be quite rounded by the time this journey is over…

  2. theotherwoman97 says:

    This is absolutely fantastic! Parts of it – your initial description of your husband’s predisposition to being cuckhold – are eerily similar to some of my husband’s traits. Your willingness to put this level of introspection into your relationship with your husband is impressive & your self-awareness is commendable!

  3. Funny enough I just watched a documentary last night titled “Why Men Cheat”. They antithesis of the issue seems to be the testosterone hormone. What researchers have found is that levels of testosterone vary from man to man and from time to time within their life. But regardless of this variance the research showed that when a man is in a committed long term relationship testosterone levels dip quite drastically. This changes his attitudes towards sex and his sexual drive will decrease.

    Adding competition, or a new and different partner instantly restores the testosterone back to previous norms. Essentially giving a booster shot of the main factor in making a manly man manly.

    This seems to be reflected in your own situation.

    As for the cuckold thing….just don’t call it “cuckold” and there may be a different less vehement reaction. The term ‘cuckold’ has a vast array of heavy male ego crushing connotations.

    Just my 20 cents…..(2 cents adjusted for inflation)

    • larryarcher says:

      If you go to a swing party, you will see the same thing repeated over and over. You would think sex afterwards would be the last thing on your mind but we always go home, or stop on the way, and fuck like rabbits.

  4. larryarcher says:

    While not in a cuckolding arrangement and don’t play one on TV, I’ll at least give you my 2 cents worth towards possible clues to your husband. In our general makeup (men) we have fragile egos and are typically raised to be the stereotypical male. In other words, from our beginnings thousands of years ago, we were the hunters who went out and killed the beasts, Attila the Hun, etc. and as such we have an image to uphold that is pretty much baked into our DNA. Weakness is something to be abhorred and never admitted. It is difficult for men in general to say “I Love You” because it shows a weakness that is unmanly and we the protectors and conquers are never allowed to show weakness. We must always be John Wayne to the world or Archie Bunker.

    Now having said that, most men inside are not like that but our conditioning requires that we put up this front and as a man with enough psychology training to be dangerous, I see and understand this in myself and others. Women will often tell another girl, I love you but guys never tell another guy that we love them. It would be unmanly and expose a weakness that we are conditioned to hide.

    Hang in there I’m almost about to make my point. LOL

    For us to admit that we secretly like the fact that another guy is nailing our spouse is really difficult for us to admit. People like Steve, have come to grips with this but most men especially those who are not in alternate lifestyles or cuck relationships, cannot admit this because it means that we are unable to take care of our wives and someone else has to do our homework for us. This is our thousands of years of training making us feel this way which equates to failure on our part as a “man” and men are not allowed to fail.

    By your husband, not wanting to discuss your lover is possibly his way of avoiding or deflecting the issue. The fact that he desires you sexually afterwards, sloppy seconds as it were, could be that like a pack of dogs around a bitch in heat, everyone wants their cum to wash out the last guy’s load as this is our Darwin urge to ensure survival of the fittest (ourselves). Or when your lover takes you, then it proves to hubby that you are desirable to others and that makes him want you.

    If hubby has medical or otherwise issues with performance, maybe you being with another guy provides the “viagra” for him to perform? From a swingers point of view, going to a party and screwing other people will make me so horny that I typically will fuck my wfe’s brains out when we get home and commonly might even stop on the side of the road and fuck her on the way home. Now why do I do this and what about screwing other people or seeing/knowing our partner has done the same turns us (me) into a horny rabbit? If I’ve just gotten through banging some girl(s) lights out, why would I have an uncontrollable urge to screw my wife, I don’t have a clue but if you read comments from swingers, a majority have the same response.

    Your biggest hill to climb is probably communication and when you can’t talk about it, it will never be resolved. Anyway aren’t you glad I read your blog. 🙂 LOL

    • rougedmount says:

      avoidance and deflection is his mantra…it has been a lonely journey with him

    • INS says:

      I think men inherently enjoy seeing their women being done by other men, but they’re uncomfortable with the idea. On a subconscious level the arousal fights with feelings of guilt and inadequacy creating the sense of discomfort on a conscious level. They know they’re turned on, but they don’t like it.

      I also want to point out how some women disliked how much they liked size. I remember reading a few penis extension reviews where a few women sort of felt guilty (one even cried after an ‘other worldly’ orgasm) or embarrassed for how much they enjoyed the size and got rid of it because of the disconnect between emotional and physical pleasure.

      What I’m trying to say, is that you can’t simply ask a person to enjoy something if they don’t want to.
      Even if the idea of cuckoldry arouses a guy to the point he has a throbbing erection he might feel like crap on the inside.
      Even if a penis extension gives a woman earth shattering orgasms, she might feel like crap on the inside.

      Now I’m not saying that women and men should simply “get over it” and enjoy what they want.
      I guess what I’m trying to say is people need to be at that point sexually where they can both physically and emotionally enjoy certain things. They’d get to them at their own pace (if they ever do) and if they get forced they might end up feeling horrible.

  5. mrmodigliani says:

    I have read several of your posts and have generally found them to be a little bitter (just being honest). This particular post was perfect on so many levels. Any woman or man struggling with sexual deprivation or a mismatch in their marriage should read this.

  6. So brilliant and insightful. Thank you.

  7. B says:

    I saw what I used to be in this post. I had done a great disservice to my wife and don’t know why myself some of the things I had done. You mentioned the lack of communication being detrimental, I would have to agree on that. It was my lack of communication that almost destroyed 20 years of marriage. I am more open with her than I ever have been and our mariage hasn’t been this great since we first got married and the sex is better than ever.

    I am happy to hear that it is geting better for you. It is a start and that is great.

  8. Love and respect the honesty of your post, communication is everything if a relationship is to thrive…

  9. play613796 says:

    This is a superbly written and passionate explanation of your situation. As you point out, having excellent communication and sexual honesty is the cornerstone of a successful relationship. It isn’t optional, it’s mandatory.

    Whether your husband’s silence on sexual matters is attributable to his being excited knowing you have other sexual partners or, he is relieved of the pressure of being solely responsible for satisfying your sexual needs is hard to tell. Maybe it’s because he’s afraid to look in his own sexual mirror for fear of acknowledging that one of these is true and he would have to admit it to himself and to you. Only he knows for sure.

    But, while your husband cannot or will not verbally communicate with you on any sexual matter, his nonverbal communication validates what you suspect to be true, really is true.

  10. I think that even if I had found another sexual partner and told my husband about it he wouldn’t believe me… at all.

    I’m glad something is finally working for your relationship… even if its still not perfect.

  11. rougedmount says:

    i have no clue if he believed me or not…but the truth once spoken is always known on some level.

  12. INS says:

    I have a bit of a fantasy where your husband simply comes home one day and carries you into the bedroom for a night of passionate, hard and hot fucking and you realize you don’t want to sleep with others anymore because he declares from then on he’d be giving it to you the way you wanted him too.
    Everyone’s happy yaaay.
    Meh. Wishful thinking perhaps.

  13. Pingback: Is Cuckolding A Viable Relationship Alternative? | Love Small Penis

  14. I think that I may very much enjoy this type of relationship with my wife.
    Your writing is extremely arousing to me.
    The other women’s comments I find arousing also.
    I’m small and the wife knows it all too well.

    I’m going to explore this much further.

    Thanks so much

  15. Nero says:

    A great post, but this bit in particular struck a chord with me, because I’m going through the same BS with my wife:
    “The biggest challenge I face with him is communication. He will not speak of ANYTHING of a sexual nature…ever. I get no feedback or acknowledgement from him in anyway that this is what he wants or needs. I simply base my success or failure on his immediate reaction and subsequent moods to what I have said or done. I do not agree with this in principle. To be honest I abhor it and resent him for making me try and figure his sexual needs and desires out on my own. Because it pisses me off,”
    In my own situation I’m pissed off because my wife never indicates what she wants or desires, and yet I know she is capable of getting off big time when we do have sex. But what I do one day may not be what she wants the next day, and yet she gives me no indication either way.
    Also, I have noticed that she is more desirous of me when other women show some interest in me, which is something I used to play up to, but to be honest I’m getting a little tired of all the monkey dances I have to do. As you’ve said, why can’t we just fuck like we used to for the first five years when we met?

  16. Anonymous says:

    I have read a massive amount on this subject and this article is absolutely brilliant with extreme honesty and with great consideration and feelings !

  17. Anonymous says:

    Can someone fuck my hot wife for me. I want to watch her suck cock and swallow cum.

  18. myarousal says:

    You have simply blown me away with the most honest and genuine depiction of what many marriages have boiling under the facade, of a perceived perfect marriage. Most cuckold revelations don’t come close to the intellectual discussion and thought provoking issues you have presented. I have never before been so intrigued and focused on reading about this subject, as I was with this. Thank you so much for being the woman you are and with the ability to show your own vulnerable so honestly.

    • rougedmount says:

      anonymity allows a personal freedom which can not be measured in real life.

      • myarousal says:

        It does provide for that….anonymity is powerful….but so is perceiving yourself honestly and with clarity….and then being open and willing to share….My wife does not have a facebook account, or any social media connection….nor could she ever share her own intimate aching about her and my relationship with me……you’re special…..

      • rougedmount says:

        perhaps because she does not understand your sexual triggers because she assumes that your marriage indicates a heterosexual and monogamous interest in her specifically and women in general?
        for better or worse..i tend to understand myself all too well.

      • myarousal says:

        She has always seen me as a flirt (not necessarily intentionally) and that I understand women and and the dynamics between us. She knows of my Bisexual past and my openness to possibilities. She knows about my first marriage which was seeming perfect sexually until the crash and burn. While I might not be willing any longer to communicate some things(I’m not willing to deal with the hurt on some levels)…..my quest for intimacy with her is never hidden or and if she is aching for intimacy, it is never ignored. I’m not perfect….God no…..but It saddens me deeply that two people who loved each other so deeply and were very intimately connected, can’t even discuss the issues without an aggressive defensive conversation……sad.

      • rougedmount says:

        the inability to communicate inside a marriage, deepens and widens a chasm as easily as a river erodes it’s banks. sadly love is not able to fix all things…not when your mind and body are craving things being withheld.

      • myarousal says:

        I hate burning bridges…….When I do……I torch them…..

  19. Saraandsven says:

    We have been living the cuckold lifestyle for a year now too. It has been amazing. Our sex is better than ever. As a bonus I can get larger cock than what I have at home whenever I want.

  20. ridabewa says:

    You’re brilliant.

  21. Pingback: Cuckolding: A viable Relationship Alternative? My Introduction To Cuckolding! | Lovin small penis - the small penis blog

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