comparison shopping

a man with a small penis has to work twice as hard to be half as good as a well endowed man – confidence in his own abilities to please a woman is all he really has to work with as a woman will not tolerate a sub-standard sexual relationship with him for any length of time unless he offers either social position or financial security instead of sexual satiation. to think a man is not judged on any of those three things is ludicrous; of course he is. a woman decides on having a relationship with him based on her own formula on which of those needs are more important to her.

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47 Responses to comparison shopping

  1. Ron says:

    Interesting perspective… large or small is all relative depending on what you’re used to… while I consider myself a “middleweight”, I would be large by some standards, and small by others. I guess performance comes down to confidence as you mention… In some ways, the situation could be the same for a woman. Confident but imperfect women can be more attractive than self conscious so called “pretty” women.

    • rougedmount says:

      a man has his own unoque set of needs when it comes to a choice of partner. though his needs to be validated, appreciated and sexually responded to can outweigh any other consideration dependent on which needs he places first.

      • rougedmount says:

        validated: confirmation that he is the sun and the moon to someone who adores him and all his efforts at making a life together. validation that he is a sexual god in a relationship..or that his sexual needs are paramount and important. validation that he can take care of what’s been given in trust to him. that he is heard and wanted.

      • kdaddy23 says:

        That’s food for thought; I think I’ve spent more of my life validating women than I have being validated… and perhaps a lot of men have spent their lives in a similar manner and being with women who say that his needs are important… but then have her need to be almost constantly validated supercede any validation he may need. I think if I were to ask some of the women I know if they think their man is a sexual god, they might hurt themselves laughing at such a notion; if I were to ask some of the women I know if they think his needs are paramount and important, they would say, “Yes, but…” which, again, means that her needs are of the greater import and, thus, his needs are secondary and maybe not even that.

        I saw that you used that word and thought, “What? Validated by whom?” And I wondered that if a man never, ever received such validation, would that be such a terrible blow to his ego?

        And yet, do we not often say that we don’t need anyone else to validate us, that to rely on someone else to validate our worth isn’t a really smart thing to do? Or do we really need it and we’re just lying to ourselves – and others – when we say that we don’t need it?

        Like I said, food for thought – thank you!

      • rougedmount says:

        its a merry go round of ideas..isn’t it? my personal belief is your last paragraph. we learn to build it up ourselves as we get it so far and few between once we are adults. or it’s conditional. as you said…but but but… every parent knows how much time you spend building them up so that when the world cuts them down, they have reserves and self belief to see them through the lean times. i personally think when you have a spouse or a SO give you validation, it can be the most amazing and powerful gift you can give. It’s so charged with meaning that you can feel like an infallible God when it comes your way. giving a man a gift of absolute trust, support and belief in his abilities makes him preen and gives him something that not many people are able to give him as an adult. I think that’s why its so very important that it comes from a partner because if it doesn’t? i think it leaves the relationship vulnerable

      • Ron says:

        Man or woman… we all need to be appreciated, validated, and we all crave sexual response don’t we? That’s all part of being human.

      • rougedmount says:

        for some people who are not sexual, sexual response is not sought after or appreciated. it becomes the irritant that can turn a relationship rancid instead of being the starter to a wondrous pearl.

  2. Nathan says:

    I agree with your previous blog and this blog is a shining example of said “plethora of garbage”
    and “copious amounts of phlegm”

    • rougedmount says:

      not agreeing with me doesn’t invalidate the truth of my comment or my personal experience. but since perspective is individual, i am glad that your experiences with men who have a small penis has been better than my own.

    • jayne says:

      Excuse me Nathan, but you have an obvious underlying issue with relating to the human condition. It’s plain to recognize your lack of intellectual acuity on matters deeper than your very shallow thought process. Work it out instead of leaving negative comments that only highlight your own literal content of waste. I must apologize in advance to Rougedmount for butting in but your insight and expression can’t even be begin to be categorized by such a foolish and childish perspective. I couldn’t help myself. Feel free to delete my comment. Jayne ….maybe I misunderstood him

    • Nathan says:

      I was just agreeing with her own words. She made a blog pretty much saying that all she does is spout BS and I agree with her.

  3. Ron says:

    Those who are not responsive to their sexuality or their other’s are missing out on one of life’s most wonderful gifts

  4. Ron says:

    ah… cut yourself a little slack… maybe I’m a little “traditional”, but part of his role is to satisfy his woman. If he scorns your gift, it would not be a sin for you to seek gratification elsewhere.

    • rougedmount says:

      i have before, i will again and because i feel forced to do so, i ultimately resent having to, when my preference was to have remained faithful.

      • Ron says:

        You have not been forced to do so, you’ve chosen to do so, and there is nothing wrong with that. You are taking control of your life and sexuality and making the best of your situation. We are all responsible for our own pleasure. You are making the right choice. I am definitely not one to judge – as I’m no angel myself.

      • rougedmount says:

        choice implies equality of options. it is my belief that if i had a sexual relationship with my spouse, i would have had no need to seek one out elsewhere. i was left with no choice when my spouse removed spousal access to himself at a level that would indicate a balanced healthy relationship. i place the onus on him because it belongs there. his choices resulted in my limited options. angels are for heaven…and rarely we are fortunate enough to have them walk among us.

  5. kdaddy23 says:

    Hmm, your writing makes me wonder what needs a woman feels are important and in what order they might be in… and if sex isn’t high on her list of needs, does it really matter how hard any size guy works if she feels/believes that sex is like #100 on her list of things she needs? And if it’s like #3 on her list of needs, wouldn’t her man – and regardless of his size – have to work hard to please her and keep her pleased? Because us guys know the price of failure on this one…

    It’s a bit of a rhetorical question because women are as much different as they are alike in some things so that answer – any answer – would be different.

    And you know that I know of your problems with your husband; it’s hard for you to remain faithful to someone who cannot or will not keep the faith with you and do what he’s supposed to do for you – I have no sympathy for him in this at all nor do I fault you for doing what you have to do to keep yourself sane…

    • rougedmount says:

      lol..you know me far too well..
      my annoyance with small size always comes when my annoyance with being sexually frustrated is flaring. i know i am choosing frustration over contentment and that pisses me off too. sex is very high on my list and very low on his. PLUS his lack of caring about my needs inflames my resentment over the situation. in short, it makes me a bitch. so if he wants a happy wife, then he should let me get fucked as often as i need to, by whomever i choose to do so and he should be grateful to have such a brutal chore removed from his ‘to do’ list and just enjoy the benefit of my stabilized mood due entirely to the man who wants to pleasure me sexually.

      • Ron says:

        Yep… there is a time when a woman needs to be made love to, and a time when she just needs to be fucked – and it’s a mans job to know when and the difference between the two

      • Ron says:

        It’s part of “validation” isn’t it? If we can give someone that gift it’s a wonderful feeling.

      • tlcoles says:

        A lot of my own past came up in reading your replies, rougedmount. I decided to blog my own story here: on bed death, cheating, and other choices http://wp.me/p3BlOA-Hi

        Wishing you well.

      • rougedmount says:

        the process of dismantling an entire ideology takes time and strength to get through. i long for the day when i can live an honest life, but until then, i am content to know i did all i could to try and make things work and move on as much as i could when it failed. thank you for reading and posting.

  6. I love when you talk about your preference for big cock

  7. Ron says:

    Rouge… you’re got an incredible mind, courage, and a gift of being able to express your thoughts so eloquently. As I mature, I’m learning that a great deal of sexuality is in the mind. While I have no idea what you look like, my guess is that you would be quite the object of desire for a warm blooded man.

  8. Pua Nani says:

    So true, interestingly it seems like it’s really hard to get social stature, financial support and sexual satisfaction all with one man. One of the categories or possibly two can be found but I think it’s the rare woman who has the whole package…sigh…

    • rougedmount says:

      and many women walk away from sexual satisfaction in favour of the other two, assuming that it will not matter in the future, or that surely things will get better. it’s not until years pass that they realize that a disparity in sexual appetites is far more destructive to a relationship than can be imagined.

      • Ron says:

        Pua – if a woman is sexually satisfied – is there a greater amount of give on the other two items? It seems without the first item, the other two matter less. Don’t mean to sound ignorant – I’m trying to understand a woman’s perspective.

      • rougedmount says:

        Ron, I know you addressed Pau…but for me personally, when I am sexually content neither of the other two matter to me at all.

  9. Ron says:

    Hi Rouge – thanks for letting me know your thoughts on that. It’s nice to know since I don’t own a helicopter or sit in the corner office:)

  10. Pingback: On bed death, cheating, and other choices - Yours with butter

  11. tlcoles says:

    Not sure if my other comment made it through so again: been there, done that and feel for you. I wrote a longer response with my own bed-death-recovery story here: on bed death, cheating, and other choices http://wp.me/p3BlOA-Hi

  12. Pua Nani says:

    I am the same as Rouged, obviously. All I care about in a relationship is great sex and loving companionship. I can work to provide for myself if need be and social status is not very meaningful to me.

  13. I really feel for both you and your husband. I’ve got to say that some of the language you use, rougedmount, cuts me deeply, and would also cut many men just as deep. This is because many men feel judged on penis size and ability to perform sexually, but there are many (at least a third of all men, I read) who struggle with falling short of this arbitrary standard. And they struggle alone.

    This is the thing: most men struggle alone, and are encouraged by mainstream society to struggle alone, because to ask for help would be un-manly. This puts men in an impossible position. If you are struggling to fulfil your ‘manly duties’ for whatever reason, then the last thing you’ll want to do is make yourself even less manly by asking for help, support and emotional understanding. Telling men to ‘man up’ is actually the worst thing, because all humans need to express the fullness of themselves – both the ‘masculine’ and the ‘feminine’. I would say it would be more helpful to demand a man to ‘woman up’.

    Coming back to my point, I can’t help but feel that your husband needs serious help. You’ve said this yourself, and it breaks my heart to read about how hard you’ve tried to help him get help. What makes it even more painful for me to read, however, is that your own confusion and frustration about how to deal with this as a woman (or sexual person) is also one of the causes of your own pain. That is to say, your rage will only end up hurting you. I’m sure you’ll have heard this before.

    I don’t really have a solution, because I’m working through all this myself. It’ll take time, and that’s frustrating and there’s a lot to feel pain about. But by finding a clear way through to understanding healthy attitudes to sex (and gender), you will be pioneering a way forward for a third of all men in the world, and by extension, a third of all women.

    We have to lead the way ourselves, and those who trust is will follow. If someone doesn’t trust us, then we need to be patient to see what it is in ourselves that threatens them.

    • rougedmount says:

      i do very much thank you for the comments and i have posted a much longer response.

      • What a fantastic post! Thank you so much for taking the time to explain that.

        Your situation is profoundly sad. You seem to feel guilty about having to become happy and fulfilled. This is terribly confusing.

        All I can say is, I am a Nichiren Buddhist and I chant Nam Myoho Renge Kyo in order to cut through confusion and suffering. I do it on top of therapy, reading, counselling, exercise and whatever else I do to stay sane.

        Chanting Nam Myoho Renge Kyo is the only thing that has actively helped me to change the poison in my life into brilliant medicine. The worst poison, the most foul thing, CAN be turned into the most priceless treasure.

        Personally, I am now chanting so that I will transform all the worst things in my life (my premature ejaculation, the fact my wife/best friend has left me, my poor relationships with my family, my terrible employment situation) into the causes for my happiness. I have NO idea how this will materialise in the end, but by chanting Nam Myoho Renge Kyo with fierce determination and hope, I will find a way to realise absolute happiness in this lifetime.

        You have fought to be happy, facing attacks from people you love, let alone people who you might call ‘enemies’. The essence of your life still keeps seeking happiness, whilst your mind and body may grow tired of the struggle. This profound essence that keeps driving forward could be called Myoho Renge Kyo – the mystic nature or Law at one with the Universe. Nam means ‘to revere’, so by chanting reverence to Myoho Renge Kyo, Nichiren Buddhists tap into the power of the universe that lies within and without. That’s the theory in a really tired and garbled way 😉

        I’m sorry to kind of blurt it out like this, but I really think that nothing else that i could say will make any difference. You have an excellent understanding of your situation, and I found reading your post fascinating and thought provoking. You have so much more insight that I do. However, I can hear that you are stuck.

        I am also stuck in many ways. I chant to become unstuck. It’s worked for 5 years, and now that my life has been turned upside down and I’ve been left vulnerable and exposed, chanting Nam Myoho Renge Kyo is the only thing that gives me hope.

        I’d go so far as to say that Nam Myoho Renge Kyo is hope.

        I’ll be chanting for us both tonight. I feel really lucky to have connected with you over this subject – one that causes suffering to many other millions of men and women. Somehow, I really am sure, we will find a way to be happy without compromise or guilt.

      • rougedmount says:

        i appreciate your kindness and gift of understanding. i no longer feel stuck, though i did for many years, as my position where i am is now a choice. i did not sit in the mud of my own volition and nor am i wallowing in it any longer in despair. i am accepting where i am and allowing the sensations of it to be felt. it has value and it is meant to teach me a lesson. i am trying to discover what that is so i can grow.

    • tlcoles says:

      >>Telling men to ‘man up’ is actually the worst thing, because all humans need to express the fullness of themselves – both the ‘masculine’ and the ‘feminine’. I would say it would be more helpful to demand a man to ‘woman up’.<<

      Signing back in to give this a *like*

  14. alleyg8r says:

    I wouldn’t say that I’m “well-endowed,” but I agree that the most frustrating part of sexual frustration is the state of being let down after the anticipation has built to a fevered pitch. Man or woman, there’s no substitute for complete, exhausting satisfaction.

  15. INS says:

    “a man with a small penis has to work twice as hard to be half as good as a well endowed man ”

    This hurts so much.
    A guy like me expresses his love by pleasing his partner, be it with his small member, oral, hands, toys, extensions as long as it’s the two of us.
    The thought that I can never be comparable to a well endowed guy she’s had just hurts so much.

    Have you ever had really good sex with a small average guy. Or do you just not do small anymore.
    Is it really that bad?

    • rougedmount says:

      …what’s bad is a man who doesn’t please his partner, who doesn’t use oral, hands, toys or extensions…i will NEVER do ‘that’ again…

      • INS says:

        I wasn’t talking about bad in that way.
        I can understand if a guy makes no effort to please a woman, she’d feel insecure about herself, just like a woman who isn’t responsive to his guy’s efforts would make him feel insecure.

        I was saying bad in the sense I can’t even try and compete with a big guy.

  16. Pingback: On bed death, cheating, and other choices « Yours, with butter.

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