No, I am not happy that your wife is pregnant and I am not happy that you told me. The black and white sonogram, a tiny reminder that your life has changed dramatically. You moved on. Yet you still include me in the strangest of ways and times. “I thought you should know”. Why? Why did I have to know? Why did you think it necessary that I know that you are having sex with your wife and got her pregnant?
You made it seem like it was illicit. “It’s not like you knocked up a mistress or a lover, you know. Once might expect a husband to impregnate a wife.” You knew it would be tender for me to hear and it was. I was not gracious with you at hearing the news. It’s funny that so much time has passed between us and yet there was a nudge in my stomach telling me that once was, no longer is and a reminder that you feel the same way. You don’t have to brace yourself to tell a friend that you are expecting a new addition to your family.
I truly think that we shared so much and were so important in each others lives, that there will always be that ‘what if’ between us. Can it be considered an ‘emotional affair’ when what we had existed before what you found a new life with your wife? We turned away from each other but neither one of us let go. Not in the manner of people who normally end things. She would be devastated if she knew about how you felt about me. You realize that I am the one you are honest with, even though you live with her, love her and are having a baby together?
I’ll be strong enough for both of us and stay away from you, even though you ask to see me. I am doing it for her and for the man you are trying to be. I gave you up so you could find this life that you always wanted and it just might take another woman to make sure you stay faithful to your wife. I’ll do it because you were and will always be, that important to me.