When a man tells me he is 45+ my immediate concern is “I wonder if he has erectile dysfunction”. I have to be honest, I mentally screech to a stop and immediately think about his penis and if it’s functioning. Or if he takes the blue pill to compensate for any mechanical issues. Does he even admit he has issues! Is he on other medication that might impede an erection? What if he has psychological issues that prevent erection? I don’t do that when a man is in his 30’s or early 40’s as I assume he will be in his sexual prime having both experience and control by now.
I have lived my entire adult life with a man who was sexually dysfunctional. His penis and brain connection is/was broken when it comes/came to sex with me. “Age” is not so much an issue for me when thinking about potential partners, as sexual viability or sustainability is. Being older, balder, hairier or not as physically put together, is not the issue. It’s my very real fear of his being unable to ‘perform’ in bed when it comes down to the sexual act. When his “as hard as it gets” is semi-soft and he can’t penetrate you, it’s going to be noticed and its going to impact me negatively.
I can not take the absolute rejection that comes from being sexually involved and intimate with a man who fails to get an erection, even though he ‘says’ he is excited. It doesn’t matter what he ‘says’, his soft cock is a reflection of his having no desire to have sex with me, which validates why my husband never wanted sex with me. See how circular this becomes? I blame myself for your soft cock, even knowing you may have a medical or mental condition that prevents one. Why would I do this, still knowing it’s not true? Because I was damaged by my husbands sexual rejection of me.
The only way I can overcome my personal damage of 23 years of my spouse’s sexual dysfunction, is to have it repaired by having the broken pieces nailed back together by the hammer of a hard cock. If a man doesn’t have one, can not get one or can not maintain one, it just adds to the damage my spouse caused to me. I can’t do that again, I won’t. A man has to be able to use my body to achieve erection and to use to make himself orgasm. If he can’t do that, then I see it as my personal failure as a woman. Knowing this isn’t true, doesn’t stop my mind from believing it.
Don’t talk to me about using replacements: oral, fingers, toys or any combination thereof, because they are just that; replacements. Those are part of what I consider a healthy sex life. But being a heterosexual woman, it means I want/need/deserve a beautifully hard cock and since I did without for most of my adult freaking life, if that’s the one thing I can’t give up, I should not have to qualify it any further than it’s what I need and want. My preference is for men my own age and they can not ‘lie’ about their body because if I discover differently, I don’t care how much i may like him, any potential for a relationship would be forfeit. Not much pressure. Get hard or get out.