a lover improves your marriage

I woke up this morning and was almost instantly put into a bad mood,

Once I felt the tug and pull of someone jerking me awake

Grope, slide, clutch, pull, repeat


Seriously? I was asleep, plus how many times have I told him

That his sliding his hand up and down one of my sides and hip

Does nothing for me; does not magically turn me on?

Mental math: about 30 days…Hmmmmm

Is that? No…

Oh wait! Yes…I think it…

Yes, It’s definitely “almost” an erection


Grope, slide, clutch, pull, repeat

Are you fucking kidding me?

He woke me up because he is close to having a hard on?

And wants to use me to get himself off, after not touching me for a month, I mean ZERO contact, let alone sexual touching?

I have had this conversation with him 1000 times! I can’t say it any clearer.

Every time he tries it again, just proves he doesn’t fucking listen, ever! It’s just about what he wants and not what I need.

He is a selfish as he is inept.


The last two months I have been very lucid with him and repeated what I now say by rote.

“I don’t want to fight with you but if you don’t want to talk about sex with me, then I don’t want to have it with you.”

So he flung back the covers not just off himself, but of me as well, and stormed out of bed, went downstairs, made himself a cup of coffee and went out to the hot tub.

I got up, made the bed, brushed my teeth and hair, washed my face, cleaned the master bathroom, got dressed, got the dogs from the kids rooms, brought a load of laundry downstairs ,fed the dogs, changed their water, washed their empty bowls and put them away, opened the drapes to the back door he went out and didn’t bother to open, opened the kitchen blind, took the dogs for their walk in the rain down to the park, came home, fed the cat, cleaned the coffee maker he used and refilled it with water, emptied the dishwasher, cleaned the kitchen counter off from late night teenage snackers, scrubbed the kitchen sink, put teens shoes away into closet, hung up 2 jackets, folded two blankets in TV room, made myself a cup of tea and sat down to write this.

He is still in the hot tub probably thinking about why I wasn’t magically turned on by his half erection he woke me up to service.

The thing is, now that I understand what good sex is? What true intimacy is?

How can I possibly spread my legs and be a dead fuck for him, when I am no longer being sexually satisfied by a man, any man, who wants to touch me and please me? I know what that hunger is now and I cringe when he clutches at me in hopes of a dry penetration and a brief moment inside of me so he doesn’t have to jerk off.

How is it possible that my having a lover, who will take care of my sexual needs, ultimately makes me a better wife? I am already an awesome wife. Having regular sex with a lover just gives me the patience I need to deal with my spouse. I am sexually frustrated for a man who wants to spend time arousing me and bathing himself in the glory of how incredibly wet I get and not for a man who wants a dry minute of friction humping.

My spouse’s inability to even want TALK to me about sex, let alone HAVE it, has made it impossible for me to give him 2 minutes of my time, to get him off and keep the peace.

Oh, and he’s still in the fucking hot tub.

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13 Responses to a lover improves your marriage

  1. njuri says:

    I say you title is very correct…and I practice it as often as I can. At this stage of my life I will not have my sexual side stifled.

  2. mrmodigliani says:

    I am so very sorry

  3. jayne says:

    It would be a form of self afflicted torture if you would have had sex. wait, and “to keep the peace” what does that even mean? Peace for who – not you. He doesn’t deserve any “peace” from you and if you asked me, him staying in the hot tub – outside and away from you is your own peace. oh yeah, and you’ve made me tired with all that cleaning. I have to lay down now.

  4. I’m sure he won’t listen, but I’ve read several times that Hot Tubs can raise blood pressure, which contributes to erectile dysfunction.

    I know, …he won’t listen. I’m sorry for you.

  5. I feel your pain. That’s what it was I was going through before I cought on to his affairs. Just a quick romp to satisfy his needs, and he’d bring me to orgasm, but no intimacy, no closeness, nothing outside the bedroom to make me want him always started dry and painful.

  6. Pyx says:

    Anything I would have to say is contrary to everyone else and what you are feeling – I completely understand where you are coming from and you have a right to feel that way – my lover doesn’t make me a better wife, I feel I am a good wife to begin with but having a lover certainly affords me more patience than I have had to approach my husband differently.

    I gave up ‘talking’ for a while – my husband is not my child and scolding/telling him did me no good in fact it put me in a mood and I could end up miserable all day and that gave him the liberty to do as he pleased without having to deal with me. “just going to sit here and watch this entire DVD series as she goes around the house cleaning things in anger”

    Instead I took action and gave it my best to change ‘our’ behaviour because I could not wrap my head around the fact that he didn’t understand where I was coming from and I had to admit I didn’t understand where he was coming from either. It’s difficult were were not shown by example how to deal with this stuff so no one knows what they are doing…

    I do hope your day got better – I can certainly sympathize.

  7. iku2e says:

    hmmmm,,I hope you will enjoy the life too yourself

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