I look to the clock, positive it must be late
Only to see the time in complete shock and disbelief
I feel my shoulders sag in disappointment
When I realize that I can’t possibly go to bed yet
Technically, it’s not long after the dinner hour
I do the mental math
If I DO go to bed, then chances are
I will wake up well rested at 3am
Or what if I nap and wake up in 2 hours?
Then not be able to get to sleep until 3am
Just to wake up at 6am?
That would feel worse wouldn’t it?
Okay, maybe I can stay awake another 1-2 hours
I seriously doubt I can stay awake another 1-2 hours
Oh NO! What if I get a second wind?
If I stay awake then can’t get to sleep?
I just blinked and dozed off for a minute
I started to dream and woke up when my head nodded
I envy toddlers their ability to sleep when they want to
To listen to their bodies and just exist in the moment
Because I would have been in bed 15 minutes ago
Naked and snuggled into pillows
And under heavy comforters
With the dog lying in front of my shins