i was at the point with my lover, that if my husband had of issued an ultimatum of my not seeing him or divorce, it would have been divorce. i would never had given him up otherwise. he was/is a God in bed and once you know that a man CAN give you that experience and wants to? omg, does it make you judge all other men against him. it’s not all good though, to have a masterful lover, as it really does ruin you for other men, for lesser men.
when men, who are poor lovers, get over excited and think that slobbering between your legs for 5 minutes is adequate, or when they assume just because you orgasm that you are done, it makes you realize how completely disconnected they are from what a woman needs. even when you guide them, explain to them, show them, they are unable to give you what you need as they simply do not have the ability or desire to.
i had no control over my own body when i was with him. he MADE me orgasm. he would guide me through the first one and then he would settle me just enough to start building me up again and he would brook no interference from me in trying to stop him. he was gentle and firm, he was insistent and focused and he wanted access… if I thought i had control even for a moment, he would just quietly smile and then slowly start to assault my body until i had no idea if it was day or night, right or wrong, up or down because nothing existed besides his mouth, his fingers, his body, his cock. he would push me and pull me, he would manhandle me through each consecutive orgasm with the tenacity of a cat playing with a mouse.
i was there to satisfy his need to physically pleasure a woman and not as a woman who was there to excite or pleasure him. every touch of his was charged with sexual promise and a created a desire so strong in me, that i can’t even come close to finding adequate words. not being with him, hurts. not having that man inside of me hurts. knowing that it all turned out to be a lie, also hurt.
yes i can orgasm with other men since, and have, but it is not the complete loss of control over myself that i had with this man. it is less than. it doesn’t matter if the cock is 4 inches, 6 inches 8 inches 10 inches…he is less than. i have been in control of my own orgasm since him and it is no different than simply masturbating; i am using a live dildo attached to the man of the day, to fuck myself with. i have not experienced even 1/10th of what my lover gave me, from anyone else. no other man is comparable.
his gloriously hard cock, that was filled with cum for me and who would spend hours inside of me, was simply perfect. he would stay hard for hours if he chose to. he would cum and stay hard once, twice, three times… after cumming 5 times in 3 hours …we could be saying goodbye and he could cum in 5 minutes and give me a quickie, if i wanted it. his cock was at my complete command. he would respond instantly and with the harness and eagerness of a 17 year old, belying his 39 years. he had complete mastery of his cock and his orgasm and it was the most powerful aphrodisiac on earth, trying to make him lose that iron control.
i can not tell you how much your stomach tightens and the feeling of tingling desire that grips your hips and womb, to know that his orgasm is not the end of the ride but the beginning. it makes you feel like a goddess. a wanton fertility goddess who is being bred over and over and over. repeatedly plowed and taken in the primitive way that part of our neanderthal brain can not disseminate from the modern one. your hip bones feel stretched. your breasts ache. your sex feels like an over ripe peach that’s been split apart, bursting with dripping juices, mangled and bruised from being constantly crushed and thrust into. every inch of your body has been attended to in some manner, even though he may focus on different things on different days.
men like this are out there and once a woman discovers them? she is lost forever. she took the red pill. she was blind and now she see’s. now, you tell me, when you have this kind of lover, a man who feels like it is his duty and his privilege, his God given talent, to pleasure a woman, why would his penis size matter AT ALL? when you have been sexually serviced to the point of discovering that there IS a God, that you do believe in religion and all the Saints and that there is a Heaven, and you have glimpsed it, why would you purposefully choose to stay with a man who did not give you a portion of the effort this one man showed you was possible, for a man to give to a woman?
if a man is larger and he does not give you this experience, at least you can get yourself off easier on his big cock, than with a man who is smaller. if a man is smaller, then the “least” he can do is put forth some effort into the first female orgasm, because he does not have enough for her to use effectively on herself. it’s nothing more than basic mechanics and it’s not really about size, either. it’s all about his ability to pleasure his mate.
having sex with a man who does not bring you this experience is not a “mercy fuck” either. It is still pleasurable in a gentle and quiet sort of way and may feel comforting as opposed to sexual. It’s very similar to when a baby nurses on your engorged breasts. It has to be one of the most pleasurable sensations on the planet, and yet it’s not a completely sexual feeling. When a man with a small penis is inside of you and you know he can not have multiple orgasms or give them to you, it is a relaxing feeling that you get enjoyment from. It’s “okay”, it’s not great. If you focus you may even excite yourself to orgasm from it. But it was not because it was demanded of you or something that was impossible to resist.
there were a few times over the 18 months I saw him, that my spouse wanted his sexual needs met, after I had spent an afternoon with my lover. there were times that i had the semen from 3-4-5 of his orgasms inside of me. i can not imagine that it went unnoticed even though my spouse was only inside of me for a few minutes. the only time he ever said anything about how slippery i was, i had just stood up after his 3-4 minutes “fuck me to get himself off session” and was headed to the bathroom to shower. I commented back with, “it’s probably because i had been fucked all afternoon”. he never replied or reacted to it.
my first 2 serious boyfriends were both 8 1/2 to 9 inches and were almost identical in thickness, size and shape. I did not know men came in other sizes until University; i thought cocks were pretty uniform ,much like a bag of oranges. even though i touched, saw and groped many men over that year (and since) and learned that men came in a wide variety of choices, i “choose” my VERY poorly endowed husband, to marry. his cock would have been enough for me, had he made any attempt to actually use it. I was sexually attracted to HIM, not his cock. His cock was simply a means to an end, a way to convey the cum i wanted from his body to mine.
the fact is, i like sex. i like sex in any form. i could lay on my stomach and have my back and ass massaged as he kneels over my thighs and fucks me from behind, for hours. i could ride a man until my hair is soaked and my skin is slick. i could kneel in front of him and suck him off like his cock was my talisman, with all the enthusiasm of a novice nun praying to God on Christmas Eve in the Holy See and having the Pope lay hands on her head in a blessing. i like sex. i was born for it and it was denied me for most of my adult life by my a small cocked, small minded husband who was/is sexually selfish and inconsiderate as a lover and a partner.
this means that in no uncertain terms will i ever allow myself to stay with a man who does not at least meet the minimum requirements for me to have a healthy sexual relationship with me. if he lacks in some department and wants to remain with me, then i will make sure he understands that i will have those needs met elsewhere. he has to accept it or we can end things, but i am not going to settle. i am more than willing to negotiate the terms so he is agreeable to it, but it really boils down to, “if you can’t do it, then I will find someone who will”. It will be with his knowledge and blessing and if he finds he can not live with sharing me, then he shall lose me. Life is too short to live in sexual dissatisfaction when I experienced it for far too many years as it is.