merciful lovers

i was at the point with my lover, that if my husband had of issued an ultimatum of my not seeing him or divorce, it would have been divorce. i would never had given him up otherwise. he was/is a God in bed and once you know that a man CAN give you that experience and wants to? omg, does it make you judge all other men against him. it’s not all good though, to have a masterful lover, as it really does ruin you for other men, for lesser men.


when men, who are poor lovers, get over excited and think that slobbering between your legs for 5 minutes is adequate, or when they assume just because you orgasm that you are done, it makes you realize how completely disconnected they are from what a woman needs. even when you guide them, explain to them, show them, they are unable to give you what you need as they simply do not have the ability or desire to.


i had no control over my own body when i was with him. he MADE me orgasm. he would guide me through the first one and then he would settle me just enough to start building me up again and he would brook no interference from me in trying to stop him. he was gentle and firm, he was insistent and focused and he wanted access… if I thought i had control even for a moment, he would just quietly smile and then slowly start to assault my body until i had no idea if it was day or night, right or wrong, up or down because nothing existed besides his mouth, his fingers, his body, his cock. he would push me and pull me, he would manhandle me through each consecutive orgasm with the tenacity of a cat playing with a mouse.


i was there to satisfy his need to physically pleasure a woman and not as a woman who was there to excite or pleasure him. every touch of his was charged with sexual promise and a created a desire so strong in me, that i can’t even come close to finding adequate words. not being with him, hurts. not having that man inside of me hurts. knowing that it all turned out to be a lie, also hurt.


yes i can orgasm with other men since, and have, but it is not the complete loss of control over myself that i had with this man. it is less than. it doesn’t matter if the cock is 4 inches, 6 inches 8 inches 10 inches…he is less than. i have been in control of my own orgasm since him and it is no different than simply masturbating; i am using a live dildo attached to the man of the day, to fuck myself with. i have not experienced even 1/10th of what my lover gave me, from anyone else. no other man is comparable.


his gloriously hard cock, that was filled with cum for me and who would spend hours inside of me, was simply perfect. he would stay hard for hours if he chose to. he would cum and stay hard once, twice, three times… after cumming 5 times in 3 hours …we could be saying goodbye and he could cum in 5 minutes and give me a quickie, if i wanted it. his cock was at my complete command. he would respond instantly and with the harness and eagerness of a 17 year old, belying his 39 years. he had complete mastery of his cock and his orgasm and it was the most powerful aphrodisiac on earth, trying to make him lose that iron control.


i can not tell you how much your stomach tightens and the feeling of tingling desire that grips your hips and womb, to know that his orgasm is not the end of the ride but the beginning. it makes you feel like a goddess. a wanton fertility goddess who is being bred over and over and over. repeatedly plowed and taken in the primitive way that part of our neanderthal brain can not disseminate from the modern one.  your hip bones feel stretched. your breasts ache. your sex feels like an over ripe peach that’s been split apart, bursting with dripping juices, mangled and bruised from being constantly crushed and thrust into. every inch of your body has been attended to in some manner, even though he may focus on different things on different days.


men like this are out there and once a woman discovers them? she is lost forever. she took the red pill. she was blind and now she see’s. now, you tell me, when you have this kind of lover, a man who feels like it is his duty and his privilege,  his God given talent, to pleasure a woman, why would his penis size matter AT ALL? when you have been sexually serviced to the point of discovering that there IS a God, that you do believe in religion and all the Saints and that there is a Heaven, and you have glimpsed it, why would you purposefully choose to stay with a man who did not give you a portion of the effort this one man showed you was possible, for a man to give to a woman?


if a man is larger and he does not give you this experience, at least you can get yourself off easier on his big cock, than with a man who is smaller. if a man is smaller, then the “least” he can do is put forth some effort into the first female orgasm, because he does not have enough for her to use effectively on herself. it’s nothing more than basic mechanics and it’s not really about size, either. it’s all about his ability to pleasure his mate.


having sex with a man who does not bring you this experience is not a “mercy fuck” either. It is still pleasurable in a gentle and quiet sort of way and may feel comforting as opposed to sexual. It’s very similar to when a baby nurses on your engorged breasts. It has to be one of the most pleasurable sensations on the planet, and yet it’s not a completely sexual feeling. When a man with a small penis is inside of you and you know he can not have multiple orgasms or give them to you, it is a relaxing feeling that you get enjoyment from. It’s “okay”, it’s not great. If you focus you may even excite yourself to orgasm from it. But it was not because it was demanded of you or something that was impossible to resist.


there were a few times over the 18 months I saw him, that my spouse wanted his sexual needs met, after I had spent an afternoon with my lover. there were times that i had the semen from 3-4-5 of his orgasms inside of me. i can not imagine that it went unnoticed even though my spouse was only inside of me for a few minutes. the only time he ever said anything about how slippery i was, i had just stood up after his 3-4 minutes “fuck me to get himself off session” and was headed to the bathroom to shower. I commented back with, “it’s probably because i had been fucked all afternoon”. he never replied or reacted to it.


my first 2 serious boyfriends were both 8 1/2 to 9 inches and were almost identical in thickness, size and shape. I did not know men came in other sizes until University; i thought cocks were pretty uniform ,much like a bag of oranges. even though i touched, saw and groped many men over that year (and since) and learned that men came in a wide variety of choices, i “choose” my VERY poorly endowed husband, to marry. his cock would have been enough for me, had he made any attempt to actually use it. I was sexually attracted to HIM, not his cock. His cock was simply a means to an end, a way to convey the cum i wanted from his body to mine.


the fact is, i like sex. i like sex in any form. i could lay on my stomach and have my back and ass massaged as he kneels over my thighs and fucks me from behind, for hours. i could ride a man until my hair is soaked and my skin is slick. i could kneel in front of him and suck him off like his cock was my talisman, with all the enthusiasm of a novice nun praying to God on Christmas Eve in the Holy See and having the Pope lay hands on her head in a blessing. i like sex. i was born for it and it was denied me for most of my adult life by my a small cocked, small minded husband who was/is sexually selfish and inconsiderate as a lover and a partner.


this means that in no uncertain terms will i ever allow myself to stay with a man who does not at least meet the minimum requirements for me to have a healthy sexual relationship with me. if he lacks in some department and wants to remain with me, then i will make sure he understands that i will have those needs met elsewhere. he has to accept it or we can end things, but i am not going to settle. i am more than willing to negotiate the terms so he is agreeable to it, but it really boils down to, “if you can’t do it, then I will find someone who will”. It will be with his knowledge and blessing and if he finds he can not live with sharing me, then he shall lose me. Life is too short to live in sexual dissatisfaction when I experienced it for far too many years as it is.

This entry was posted in Relationships and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

25 Responses to merciful lovers

  1. I was smoking a hand rolled cigarette when I started reading this. By the time I was finished reading, I noticed the cigarette was completely out from inattention. I must have been holding my breath. Your honesty is so raw and revealing, I somehow feel privileged to read it, even though I know anyone could. I walk away with a great many things, most of all, a sense of enlightenment, believe it or not. Its funny, just the other day I devoured a peach that was at the perfect point of ripeness; firm yet soft, satisfying to hold in your palm. Each bite caused an uncontrollable amount of juice to rush out. There was no delicate way to eat it without making a mess of myself, other than to lamely resort to a knife and fork. It was so sensual, I almost felt dirty enjoying it as much as I did. Because of that experience, it was with delight that I read your peach analogy.

    • rougedmount says:

      oohhhh and i loved how you described a peach eating session. “I devoured a peach that was at the perfect point of ripeness; firm yet soft, satisfying to hold in your palm. Each bite caused an uncontrollable amount of juice to rush out. There was no delicate way to eat it without making a mess of myself, “

      • My other relationship once did a peach monologue as I was perched atop of the kitchen table and he sat below me on the kitchen chair.

        *Kitchen tables absolutely ROCK!* 🙂

      • Ha, ha, I suppose if I still had the ability to blush easily, I would be doing so now. You know, thinking over what you wrote, it seems to me it all comes down to inspiration. Some people just cause you to burn so intensely with white hot abandon. Its hard to define all the ingredients that cause it to be so. Of course its all subjective anyway so definition could never be universal. Its a beautifully delicious reality though and its been a pleasure reading you definition of it.

      • Some things are better left that way, associated with magic and mystery.

  2. You wrote “men like this are out there and once a woman discovers them? she is lost forever…why would you purposefully choose or stay with a man who did not give you a portion of the effort this one man showed you was possible for a man to give to a woman?”

    My reaction to this has nothing to do with penis size but everything to do with the whole connection of sexual satisfaction that is [mostly importantly] coupled with genuine respect and mutual adoration. Tinted with a healthy dose of reality and intent to never take each other for granted, this is the relationship I had [and still have access to if I want it]. So why am I purposefully choosing to stay? Sometimes I don’t freaking know. Yes, I love H but the price of admission has become way more than I can pay. And now that I’ve known what you articulated above, I am truly ruined. Is the other relationship perfect and/or grounded in reality? C’mon. Is any relationship ever perfect or guaranteed? Neither of us would fall for that shit. However, somewhere between what I am enduring and what I want is the possibility of being happy. I will be forever grateful to the other relationship for allowing me to see what is possible.

    • rougedmount says:

      i feel the same way..i had no idea a man could be such an amazing and generous lover…not after being in a monogamous, virtually celibate marriage for 27 yrs.

      • 25 for me. H loves to have sex and would have it every day, several times a day, if I could just turn off my brain and be robotic with no intimacy or trust needs. If the other relationship had not contained dynamics of everything I desire, it wouldn’t have lasted 4 years.

    • daytightliving says:

      This is what ruined me as well — nothing to do with penis size but everything to do with the whole connection of sexual satisfaction that is [mostly importantly] coupled with genuine respect and mutual adoration. Tinted with a healthy dose of reality and intent to never take each other for granted…

      Once you’ve known that, there is no going back.

      • rougedmount says:

        and it leaves you wanting it again when it’s gone

      • “There is no going back”…yep. Making the move forward is the most difficult part…but I suspect if I can, I will be better for it.

      • rougedmount says:

        yes..u will be even though it will be difficult to start

      • letlovego says:

        Damn. This is one of your entries that I am going to have to read over and over again.

        What really stood out to me, was less about SEX (which you covered in your discussion of size or general practice or the TYPE of sex one wants or needs) and much more about connection. It sounds so simply really, but had I not been living it for nearly 4 years myself, albeit off and on with my own MM, I wouldn’t understand.

        As I read your entry, for a moment, I paused….thinking, hmmm… I even having good enough sex now! LOL! And then I pondered that and realized that FOR ME, and FOR MY NEEDS, I am having amazing sex. Not sure if that makes sense, but while I do love sex with my lover, I can’t say that I have always been a highly sexual woman. NOT because I didn’t want to be or tried not to be…..just because I didn’t KNOW that this type of a connection existed. I didn’t know that a man could make me feel this way. I didn’t know that a man could make me WANT HIM all the time, day after day, year after year.

        And it is NOT about living in a fantasy. I liked what another commenter said about even the relationship not being perfect. No, it is not perfect with my lover and no I would not expect that LIFE, would be perfect if WE were together all of the time. Early on in my affair, I DID believe that, even though I knew deep down, it wouldn’t be true. But what IS perfect is our chemistry, our connection, and the fact that through living, we have BOTH learned what NOT to take for granted. I suppose one could say that all I or he needed to do now… just turn around and apply that lesson to our spouses. Well, it can’t be done. Not when the difference is of this magnitude. And then you add in years and years of issues and distance and while one can CHOOSE to stay with a spouse, I am not sure that one can ever truly FEEL THAT WAY, with said spouse, again. (if they ever did.)

        This also not to say that one is going along in a perfectly healthy (even if boring) marriage, and that sex or something like this, would cause you to turn your back on your marriage for something “better” just because you found it later. Not at all. These scenarios seem to happen most in situations/relationships/marriages, where many things have been missing, for YEARS. Things that are not always recognized in our youth or while raising young children. Things we don’t know exist and things that we don’t even know we want. And, in most cases like these, that I tend to stumble upon, people have spent years, deeply unhappy and not even recognizing it, or maybe knowing, but not WILLING to recognize it. Not sure really.

        But I am sure, that once you have this kind of LOVE, and yes….ours IS love, that there is no going back, at least for me. Once you have all of your emotional and sexual needs met, in this way….there is no going back. And I think that if one chooses to go back for other reasons, mainly a sense of responsibility, or guilt or just a type of compassionate love, based on a shared history together, then those spouses are going to have to grapple with accepting that they WILL NOT feel this way again. I’m sure that in SOME CASES, maybe something IS re-kindled and becomes better. But in cases like yours or mine even, there was just too much WRONG the entire time in the marriage, for me to even WANT to create or share anything that I’ve experienced with my lover, in an effort to save my marriage now. Not when I spent nearly a decade….doing everything in my power to do just that, only to be met with a lack of interest or desire to treat me the way I deserved to be treated. (and not just in the bedroom.)

        Anyway….I too, struggle with knowing, that if I want to let go of my lover, that I CAN move on ( get divorced first though) and find someone else. BUT….at this point, I do not believe that it will ever be like this. And, while I could have sex with 100 different guys almost anytime….it’s not just the SEX. It is the connection. And it makes me envious of couples who have shared this kind of connection, during their marriages. Because while no marriage is perfect, I DO know people, who have this kind of passion and connection, throughout the course of their marriage, even though it may ebb and flow. There is enough there to keep them happy, even if their sex lives suffer on occasion. There is THAT connection. And I envy the ones whose children get older, leaving more time for them to rekindle that connection and enjoy the security, comfort, peace and fulfillment…. of having that in their lives, at this stage of the game.

        It is not about looking at the grass on the other side of the fence either, as I don’t dwell on this. I just know that it does exist in some marriages. It is not about expect perfection. It is not about fantasy. It is not about the stereotypical affair. It is not about being selfish or having idealistic expectations. It is about experiencing this, having not ever had it, and possibly never knowing you could….and then realizing that this is now something that you, as a human being who only lives ONCE, refuse to ignore or go without. It is NOT just the SEX. It is the entire package, and while one who hasn’t experienced this, or one who must view this as just the “high” of a stereotypical affair, might NEED to believe that or might really believe that, it isn’t true.

        To be able to sit with a person, and feel alive, just because they are next to you. To WANT to constantly be in physical contact with their skin, even in a non-sexual way. To WANT to hear them talk, even when you are tired or are maybe even not interested in what they are saying at that moment, but you listen anyway, and smile, just because of the excitement on their faces as they share. To always be ready for their touch, whenever they reach for you. To feel a sense of peace, and wholeness about YOURSELF (outside of the expected areas where we are all responsible for our own happiness). To feel as if anything you say or do, will never change this person’s feelings for you, thoughts about you, love for you. To feel like you can stretch the limits of who YOU are, and to be encouraged to be even better, and told that you can do anything. I could go on. But no….it isn’t just about SEX. It is about an awakening. And once THAT KIND of awakening has happened….there is simply no going back to sleep.

      • rougedmount says:

        you have such awesome and amazing insight.. i truly do value it

  3. ack! can’t correct typos!!! ack!

  4. Adriana says:

    I hear you. I know what you mean, exact same situation here. 😦

  5. rgonaut says:

    RM I feel for you. It’s almost an addiction isn’t it? You scare me a little, because although I could provide much of what you desire, I don’t think I could provide all of what you desire. Can any man?

    • rougedmount says:

      having a man who was so sexually giving, IS very much like a drug…your body craves it, arches towards it, throbs for it. yes, i believe that another man, would have the ability to bring me to the same sexual level. but i would be demanding and would not tolerate someone who was not able to completely engaged in the moment. i would never again be with a man who lets me control our sexual experience. i need a man who is a man.

  6. INS says:

    I think you hit the nail on the head with this one.
    Guys like me may be considered selfish lovers if you consider the fact that we take immense pleasure in pleasing you by ourselves. I think guys should be more open to the idea of pleasing a woman using their mind, body, toys, whatever, because it’s feels way better and fulfilling to the guy as well as the woman.
    That’s why I’m comfortable with strapping on a sleeve despite it numbing the physical sensation. There’s nothing like watching a woman orgasm from your efforts and movement. I just hope I can convince a woman not to feel guilty about me being so ‘generous’, because in reality I’d be very ‘selfish’, if that makes sense.

Share your thoughts...I did

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s